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lostonearth35
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16 Mar 2022, 1:26 pm

Why is it that so many men, both ND and NT, are always complaining that they don't know or understand when a woman is showing signs that they are romantically interested in them, but if a woman actually says or does something nice for a man that is 0% sexual in nature, the guy thinks she totally wants him more than life itself? That is just creepy and gross.

Humans make no sense whatsoever. No wonder the world is such a cess pool.



Fnord
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16 Mar 2022, 1:31 pm

They are likely not the same men.

One type may perceive no romantic or sexual intent behind anything a woman does (unless she is blatantly obvious), while another type may perceive romantic or sexual intent behind everything a woman does (even if she does not know he exists).



Dillogic
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16 Mar 2022, 5:58 pm

Not to the extent you mention, but I may or may not have assumed too much with someone that I've been attached to for far too long but I couldn't go through with it in the past for mental health reasons, when kindness was shown to me, and love was there once between both of us. Just maybe something could be there was/is the extent of it, with friendship being the more likely outcome due to time elapsed. I think this one is reasonably fair and can make sense in the context of the history, and I tend to be too hopeful/optimistic. This is the only time I've done this one, albeit I was respectful, because I am.

For everyone else that's nice to me, I appreciate nice things for what they are and I don't forget them (me have good memory), but I won't see it as romantic. Exactly the same as when I'm nice to people, and I try to be, because I like helping others. If people are nice to me, I might see them as someone I could be friends with, but I'm usually too asocial to start that for various reasons (Autism and life stuff making it hard for me to trust humans). I've likely hurt people unintentionally for being asocial, and I'm sorry for that; it's never personal and I'd like to be friends if people want to be, as above, I like listening/helping.

Outside of that one individual, someone would have to show quite overt romantic stuff for me to pick up on it anyway, as I won't see it almost always. I've probably hurt people in this context, which I'm sorry for too; even if I'm not interested (again, asocial and I have weird attachment thingies), I would have told them such nicely and the reasons why I wasn't interested. I'm somewhat naive when it comes to reading others.



Benjamin the Donkey
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16 Mar 2022, 6:41 pm

Fnord wrote:
They are likely not the same men.

One type may perceive no romantic or sexual intent behind anything a woman does (unless she is blatantly obvious), while another type may perceive romantic or sexual intent behind everything a woman does (even if she does not know he exists).

Exactly.


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nick007
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20 Mar 2022, 8:09 am

lostonearth35 wrote:
Why is it that so many men, both ND and NT, are always complaining that they don't know or understand when a woman is showing signs that they are romantically interested in them, but if a woman actually says or does something nice for a man that is 0% sexual in nature, the guy thinks she totally wants him more than life itself? That is just creepy and gross.

Humans make no sense whatsoever. No wonder the world is such a cess pool.
Some might of thought that I fit this profile when I was single. I believe that my partner should be my best friend & when I was attracted to someone I wanted to be nice to her to make a good impression, try to prove myself to her, & make her happy. I never assumed that a woman being nice towards me must mean that she's in love or obsessed with me or anything like that but it made me think that I'd might have half a chance with her & I was much more likely to try making a direct move like asking her out. Some people woulda probably thought that I came on to women who were nice to me because I believed they were majorly into me when in reality I just thought that perhaps she likes me as more than a friend or would be open to the possibility of a romantic relationship. Unfortunately women were nice to me because they saw me as good friend potential but they had no attraction towards me so I was in the dreaded "friend zone" with them :( I don't really notice or understand signs of flirting or other signs of romantic interest from women.


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nick007
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23 Mar 2022, 11:26 am

Fnord wrote:
They are likely not the same men.

One type may perceive no romantic or sexual intent behind anything a woman does (unless she is blatantly obvious), while another type may perceive romantic or sexual intent behind everything a woman does (even if she does not know he exists).
I remembered that my friend who is also my former supervisor kinda fit this profile. It depended on if he found the women attractive of not. If a woman he was attracted to would be nice to him or just smile at him even, he would talk about her being into him. But when a woman he didn't find attractive really was into him, he wouldn't consider the possibility until she made it so obvious that even I woulda been able to guess that she probably was. An attractive woman happening to look in his direction went to his head. He was NT but he was lonely & had some codependent behavior. He did not like being single but he kept going for women he found attractive who didn't really care about him & took advantage of him. He felt bad for them & wanted to help but he also felt like they owed him a relationship. It contributed to him filing bankruptcy. His ex wife took a lot of what he had years after their divorce(they had a son together as well) & he spent a lot on women who used him. When things ended with those women, he would talk about women in general not being interested in him until an attractive one would smile at him or talk to him or something. Then a bit later he would go back to thinking that women didn't like him or have an interest in him.

He did meet a woman on a dating site who kinda had her life together more than he did at the time. She found his jokes funny(few people usually did) & they've been married for about 11 years now. He switched careers around that time as well & things in general seem to be going better for him.


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"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition