The Joys of Being Single

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Does anyone else here enjoy being single? I thought it might be fun to have a thread for people who enjoy being on their own. This isn't to say being single is superior to relationships, or you can't enjoy both. But, so many threads in Love and Dating are very negative, or about how awful it is being alone.

While I enjoy activities with others, I like being single because I don't have to plan everything with someone. After a week of worrying about other people's needs at work, this is enjoyable...and often necessary.

While I never expected a perfect partner, it's also nice not having to worry about other people's insecurities. I don't mean people who work on their problems, which is fine. I mean those who want to dump their unwanted feelings on you. I'm happy to deal with my own issues, work on my own goals, and pursue my own desires, instead of feeling like a free therapist--especially for issues the other person doesn't want to resolve.

It's fun to plan what you want, go when you want, and live how you want, within reason. To find your own balance, instead of constantly feeling exhausting while trying to recharge.

I also find I have time to be in touch with myself more deeply and know myself better. Too much of my own relationship experience was me communicating directly with someone who didn't want that. My life feels more my own, instead of endless compromises with no one ending up happy.

What do you enjoy about single life?

Yes and No.

I know that's a conflicted answer.
A certain Blur song comes to mind.
"I don't need anyone, But a little love would make things better"

Nice quote . That's a good way to put it.

For me personally, it was easy to seek love externally, with relationships. But, I didn't spend enough time seeking it internally. Now that I find it internally, it's hard to see where I'd find it externally. Not that that couldn't happen.

That's all fair though. I really wouldn't appeal to many, if any, people. And the qualities I sought were all things I really have in myself. So it's nice to enjoy that, now.

Well, I feel much the same way.
Sometimes other people can be fun....sometimes.
But not all the time.
Everything in moderation.
I've spent alot of time seeking things 'internally. '
(I assume, you mean, activities involving non-external validation...)
I'm very introspective.
Pathologically so.
I like solitude.

Being able to talk to women like this in person without making my girlfriend feel insecure

Great thread topic, HL!

My previous relationships were much the same - giving far more than I ever got (emotionally, physically, even financially), but also depleting me of autonomy and precious down time. As an autistic person I can't be around anyone without subconsciously absorbing their energy, experiencing sensory fatigue, and becoming codependent despite my best intentions. I spent nearly 20 years of my life in three relationships which were all based on the other person's lies and deception. Because of my weak theory of mind, I was unable to recognise the signs of their dishonesty until it was too late.

Long story short but I went 17 years without dating and rediscovered how great it is to be me. That's when I also discovered most of my diagnoses and had time to explore what I want in life. I am in a relationship now but we don't live together and our time together is extremely limited because of Covid restrictions. It's allowed us to maintain our individuality without becoming dependent or taking each other for granted. I consider myself single (meaning not married) and I'm happy with that. I can love like no tomorrow if given my own space, but I can't be with a person 24/7. I usually stay at his place for 2-3 nights when I see him and it's very relaxing / amazing, but I still need about two weeks to recharge afterward.

I don't care if people think that's weird. That's just who I am. I'll never sell myself short again.

Good thread idea.

Plenty of joys of being single.. eat, drink what I want when I want, sleep, work, make things, buy things, do things, go to the beach, go ride my motorcycle, get out for a hike, pedal my mountain bike, pack my gear and go kiteboarding, go shopping, listen to music, read a book, watch a show, take a class, learn a skill, take on extra work for more $, work early, late, or weekends, go to a party, work at a party, go visit my God kids or nephews, go hang with friends.. complete freedom from having to accommodate anyone else' schedules, wants, needs etc. It's quite nice and pressure free. I can also hookup with who I want when I want and be completely carefree about it vs. being confined to a monogamous relationship, cheating, or figuring out some sort of ground rules that works for us as a hypothetical couple when it comes to sex/other partners.

Of course, pros and cons, I'm sure I could dream up just as many pros to compromising on a bunch of my lifestyle and being in a hypothetical relationship. But, really truly, it'd have to be a veerrrrry meant-to-be relationship for me to justify wanting the relationship compromises over the ultimate freedoms of being single. And who knows, it's not an impossibility that I might do that someday - I mean, of course I have a crush right now, and if that ever worked out to be something more I might just give up a bunch of my current ways to give that a go - maybe. But overall right now I don't really have any complaints about having the freedom to do whatever I want with my time, money etc - it's really a rather nice position to be in.

What's more realistically probable to end 'fishy's total freedom is the high probability (not official yet) of taking on raising my cousin's 14yo son who's been in foster care for a decade but that relationship is breaking down and in serious flux right now. Depends on the outcomes of some meetings with social workers etc etc. IF I go from 0-to-raising-a-teenager, I think I'd then be even More likely to consider a relationship if things ever worked out with my current crush.. because if my routine is going to change up big time, then it might be a nice thing to have a regular relationship in the mix because being my typical free spirited slu*ty self would become more of a challenge when I'll need to be home cooking dinner and making sure a young man gets his homework done and all that.

_________________
No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

I'm twice divorced. This time, I'm about a year and a half into being single. It's amazing.

Today I got to get up when I felt like it. There was no one in my house, making noise in the morning, waking me up. There was no one in my way in the living room watching tv, drinking my coffee... I got to sprawl out on the floor in peace, pet the dog, listen to music, and be lazy for a few. My entire morning and afternoon were lived on my own terms. My days are whatever I choose. So are my nights.

My money and how I spend it...that's all me. I have no one else to buy food for, my utilities cost me less, and no one ever needs twenty dollars for gas or lunch. Seriously, my ex's were like children asking me for money... No one forgets to pay the bills they were supposed to pay but forgot about. My stuff is in order now and no one messes it up because I'm on top of my sh**. Because of things like this, I have more money now to focus on things I want. And if I choose to blow cash on something stupid, I can. And sometimes I do.

I like coming home and having things be the same way as I left them. There's no one making a mess. The number of chores I have to do are small and mostly basic maintenance. I'm a tidy enough person and on my own, I don't mess up a lot of laundry or dishes. I can do a ton of food prep now when I cook because no one else is eating my stuff. I can also play with cooking more now because I don't have to think about will so and so eat this...

I'm a person who both needs and likes a lot of alone time. My stress levels have tanked out since I've been on my own. My days are largely relaxing, and if I need to decompress because of a stressful day, I don't have to go hide upstairs. I have my whole house and if I feel like taking a run on the treadmill to chill out at 5 in the afternoon or blasting music and singing along (horribly and loudly, I might add ) I can and do. And no one complains. Not even the dog. Oh, and if I decide to get another dog, I can. But I doubt I will. It's just cool that the decision is mine alone.

I value my independence. On the whole, I make a terrible partner because of this. I have no idea what my ex's wanted to stay with me. I'm prone to ignoring people, not a fan of monogamy, largely oblivious to others, and generally emotionally detached. Being single, I don't have to stress any of this or try to be there for someone when all I want to do is be away from them. Because, honestly, even people I value stress me out if they're in my face too much. I don't like causing them upset when they don't think I care because of that. And I do that. Now I stress no one out.

Yeah, I could (and have) gone on and on about the joys of being single. I have no idea why I didn't do this sooner. I wish I would have. My life is much better now that I'm flying solo.

That's one of the best posts I've ever read on WP! ^

Wow, these are great responses! Thank you I thought this thread would die off really quickly. It's nice to see people happy with their lives and who are very thoughtful about their lives.

I've never craved relationships and couldn't/cannot relate to people who desperately seek one. Actively seeking a relationship by dating strangers is a bizarre idea for me. During times when I was single, I was fine with it, I know how to keep myself occupied with hobbies and work.

BUT

I do like being in relationship. In a good one, that is, where positives outweigh the annoyances. It is beneficial for me, i.e. my wife has helped me achieve many things I most likely wouldn't manage to do alone.

Still, I see people who are stuck in bad relationships or trying to be with someone, almost like anyone who corresponds to their minimum standards, all the time. They are miserable and I pity them. Their impulse towards seeking a connection with other human is so strong that it overrides their sense of self-preservation (as in, doing what is good for themselves). I see this as a primitive behaviour related to our past as a species - mean, there's a strong evidence that Homo sapiens sapiens went through a population bottleneck which almost made us extinct. It is understandable that in these times, it was beneficial for species to seek breeding partners at all cost, no matter how sh***y they were.

There's no one around to care all that much that I have knife sharpening supplies in the kitchen sink and I'll stack the freezer full of wild boar meat. That's just the kitchen. I don't care about my appearance at all outside of hygiene. My fashion sense is about the same as when I was a toddler (track pants and a fitting t-shirt). My care for trappings, modernity and fads doesn't exist. Most of my hobbies are "manly" and practical things (outdoors, hunting, repairs/upgrades around the home, building/making things and so on), and I don't like going out to the usual things people go to and doing the same. I wake up screaming a lot and have night terrors most nights. I have baggage that makes trust hard, and sharing that stuff is about as hard a thing I can do. I don't interact as much as other humans, nor do I show much emotion (more cat than man), but I guess this is good as I'm not much of an emotional mess in the real world as I am in words. There's lots of things about me that a random 40 year old female would likely find annoying which would make me feel bad that I couldn't be what they wanted after it all began.

Outside of other stuff, that'll be why I don't bother finding a random 40 year old partner, which wouldn't be hard for me to attract (just the truth), but it wouldn't last (more truth), due to who I am. I'm also fine being alone.

So, joy? Yes.

other people here have said things far better than i could imagine, but here goes anyways- i simply want to grow old with somebody compatible with me. but compatible people are as rare as rocking horse manure. life is simply EASIER with a good loving helpmate, and life is so much more fulfilling with somebody to love back, to grow into one another, to have each other's back [and front and sides] in multiple senses. i long have been a romantic, and i crave at least the concept of each partner doing their best to please the other. i crave the lust and the trust in one delicious salacious sandwich of love. but humans are SOOOOooooooo disappointing in sooo many ways. every GD thing is conditional, has a string or strings attached, nothing is pure. nothing is trustworthy. the ones who managed to easily find compatible mates and take such for granted, were simply born of superior genes and a superior god. the rest of us make do and wait for the next life.

I kinda...ruined something that would have been perfect enough. Yeah. At least she wouldn't have to put up with me screaming at night and the night-terrors, though she likely would have and comforted me. She even liked many of the things I did. Live and regrets. She's likely happy, so all is good (that's the important thing to me). But, maybe this sorta is counter to the purpose of this thread, to be fair, I'm still alright being alone and I'm joyful, even when "losing" something that I'd consider ideal. You have to find your own happiness in this life, and I've learnt that one many times when alone and in those dark worlds, even if that happiness is thoughts or dreams of the ideal.

Even me, Dill, the person that feels far too much for others, who cares about them more than anything, finds joy when he's alone. Which should probably give everyone that feels alone hope there.

the standard "be thankful it ain't worse" things would be-

no thrown smashed dishes, no screaming matches, no slammed doors and drama. being able to set the thermostat nice and cool without somebody complaining "turn up the heat!!" or such. being able to keep one's own hours. not having to remember anniversary dates. not having to wear a fkkking ring which for this claustrophobic person is intolerable, not having to worry about losing said ring somewhere. not having to walk on eggshells all the GD time. not having to worry about another unexpected mouth to feed. not being told to "drive slower!" or "turn up the heat!" not being told yet again, "i have a headache" or just plain "aw go jack off." not having to listen to somebody else's music that you really don't care for. not having to worry about alimony and bankruptcy or losing the house and having to live in the car until you can get your $#!+ together again.