My case for arranged marriage

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Twilightprincess
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24 May 2022, 8:12 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
Uhhhh .... I was close to 13 in 1979 and I can guarantee it wasn't legal for me to live with a 30-year-old man.

Nor would the police have ignored a report of child sexual abuse.

That's not the way it was in those days.


I wouldn’t think so, not with someone as young as 13. I think in the US at that time people were often less concerned if it involved a 16 or 17 year old, not that that’s right, either.



IsabellaLinton
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24 May 2022, 8:27 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
Uhhhh .... I was close to 13 in 1979 and I can guarantee it wasn't legal for me to live with a 30-year-old man.

Nor would the police have ignored a report of child sexual abuse.

That's not the way it was in those days.


I wouldn’t think so, not with someone as young as 13. I think in the US at that time people were often less concerned if it involved a 16 or 17 year old, not that that’s right, either.


Children's Aid would have intervened against the girl's parent / guardian.
Her school would / should have reported it if no one else did.
I agree 16 or 17 might have been different, or even sexual activity by a 13 year old in general.
Being 13 and living with a man more than twice your age? No way.



MaxE
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25 May 2022, 4:57 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
Uhhhh .... I was close to 13 in 1979 and I can guarantee it wasn't legal for me to live with a 30-year-old man.

Nor would the police have ignored a report of child sexual abuse.

That's not the way it was in those days.

It's not unusual for a male aspie to fear being laughed at in a situation like this. It's also possible the people in question were involved with organized crime. Nobody questions that what was going on was illegal.


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IsabellaLinton
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25 May 2022, 9:06 am

MaxE wrote:
It's not unusual for a male aspie to fear being laughed at in a situation like this.


Kraftie's point is that he doesn't think police would have taken it seriously. He's not saying he was afraid of their laughter. He didn't know the family at the time so he had no opportunity to intervene.

Regardless, are you suggesting that an aspie man's fear of being laughed at outweighs the fear of a 13 year old child experiencing confinement and statutory rape by a grown man?

That's kidnapping, Max.



kraftiekortie
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25 May 2022, 9:25 am

Like I said, the "13-year-old girl" was an early-20s woman when I knew her. She was the older sister of my ex-fiancee. At the time of that (the older sisters
‘s) relationship, I was maybe 9 or 10 years old.

The responsibility, frankly, laid with the 13-year-old girl's parents. They shouldn't have allowed the relationship to occur in the first place. They should have been the ones to report this situation to the police. They would have been given credence by the police.

If I would have went to a police station to report this, I would have been shooed away. As in “Beat it, kid” I would have been told it’s “none of your business.”



Last edited by kraftiekortie on 25 May 2022, 9:36 am, edited 1 time in total.

IsabellaLinton
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25 May 2022, 9:34 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Like I said, the "13-year-old girl" was an early-20s woman when I knew her. She was the older sister of my ex-fiancee. At the time of that (the older sisters
‘s) relationship, I was maybe 9 or 10 years old.

The responsibility, frankly, laid with the 13-year-old girl's parents. They shouldn't have allowed the relationship to occur in the first place. They should have been the ones to report this situation to the police. They would have been given credence by the police.


I understand and yes I agree. That's why I said the school and Children's Services should have reported it, if no one else had. By that I'm assuming that her parent knew where she was and didn't care. The parent should have been charged with neglect and abandonment for allowing the situation to go unreported.

The whole thing makes me sick. I believe you said that your ex-f ended up wanting to roleplay as a child. Then she took her own life after you knew her. What happened to the 13-year-old? Do you know if she's OK today?

It sounds like they both had severe PTSD from childhood abuse.



kraftiekortie
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25 May 2022, 9:37 am

They both committed suicide within two weeks of each other.

The ex-fiancee, at age 35.

The sister, early 40s.



Last edited by kraftiekortie on 25 May 2022, 9:42 am, edited 1 time in total.

IsabellaLinton
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25 May 2022, 9:40 am

Jesus F Christ. ^

I'm so sorry they endured this tragedy.

Someone should have helped them.



kraftiekortie
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25 May 2022, 9:44 am

In truth, they stubbornly refused to be helped.

But there was not enough intervention, anyway.



IsabellaLinton
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25 May 2022, 9:49 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
In truth, they stubbornly refused to be helped.

But there was not enough intervention, anyway.



I mean, someone should have helped when they were children.
Their home life should have been investigated.
Something wasn't right.
A minor child was allowed to move in with a man, and it was unreported.
It makes me wonder if she was fleeing from something worse at home.

Refusing to be helped as adults is a different matter.
They both would have had Complex-PTSD, and been unable to trust people.



kraftiekortie
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25 May 2022, 9:51 am

Neither of the girls were abused at home. I know this for a fact.

Maybe emotionally abused.

The main problem was parental apathy.



IsabellaLinton
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25 May 2022, 10:08 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Neither of the girls were abused at home. I know this for a fact.

Maybe emotionally abused.

The main problem was parental apathy.



I'm glad to know there was no physical abuse at home.
Apathy is a form of parental neglect.
It led to the exploitation and abuse of that girl.

It's all so sad.



kraftiekortie
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25 May 2022, 10:13 am

It was certainly apathy....



MaxE
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25 May 2022, 11:52 am

Let me try to explain something. When Kraftie mentioned being laughed at for reporting the situation with the 13 year old girl to the Police, I took it as a hypothetical meaning anyone reporting that situation would have been treated that way. I didn't understand he meant himself as a literal 9/10 year old boy. But in fact I don't agree because I think if a kid had actually done that, the Police would have felt obligated to follow up. I tried to interpret Kraftie's remark to speculate why the Police would have ignored that particular situation and considered a situation such as the people involved were gangsters whom the local cops were afraid to confront.

I hope Kraftie won't be too insulted if I were to criticize him for his statement that the girl was "precocious". It suggests to me that he feels she somehow shared responsibility for the situation. She did not and that remark was uncalled for IMO. Sorry!

BTW I don't see how this whole topic relates to arranged marriages.


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IsabellaLinton
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25 May 2022, 12:02 pm

It's OK Max.
KK was talking hypothetically about the police laughing at adults in 1979.
I don't think he meant they would have laughed at him as a 9/10 year old.
He didn't even know them then.

Yes this got off topic but I was just responding to KK's post about the girl.
I'm not sure what his post had to do with arranged marriage, but I haven't read the whole thread.

I don't have any issue with arranged marriage if both parties consent and it's a cultural norm.
I don't believe marriage for love is guaranteed to be successful.
There's a lot more than love to consider when marrying a person.

Certainly love helps, but that can't be all.



kraftiekortie
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25 May 2022, 12:46 pm

It related to "arranged marriages"-----because, in arranged marriages there is, with some frequency, a vast age difference. The topic reminded me, peripherally, of that 13-year-old/30-year-old relationship.

I didn't know her as a 13-year-old, but I've seen pictures of her. She looked like a "grown woman" even back then. And, according to my ex-fiancee, she was delving very much into "adult territory" back then, both intellectually and emotionally. There are just some people who can be said to have "grown up too quickly."

There are many examples of models and actors who, at 13, "grew up too quickly."