My case for arranged marriage

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Twilightprincess
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25 May 2022, 4:10 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I didn't know her as a 13-year-old, but I've seen pictures of her. She looked like a "grown woman" even back then. And, according to my ex-fiancee, she was delving very much into "adult territory" back then, both intellectually and emotionally. There are just some people who can be said to have "grown up too quickly."


What are you getting at by mentioning this? It doesn’t matter what she looked like or where she was perceived to be at intellectually and emotionally. It doesn’t soften the severity of the crime or the damage it caused. 13 is 13. It’s not anywhere close to adulthood.

“Growing up too quickly” is a misleading expression.



Last edited by Twilightprincess on 25 May 2022, 4:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Twilightprincess
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25 May 2022, 4:14 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
The responsibility, frankly, laid with the 13-year-old girl's parents. They shouldn't have allowed the relationship to occur in the first place. They should have been the ones to report this situation to the police. They would have been given credence by the police.


The responsibility lies with every single adult who was aware of this situation and did nothing. Police or appropriate child protection agencies are and were obligated to investigate all allegations of child abuse.



IsabellaLinton
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25 May 2022, 4:27 pm

^ ^^ :heart:

Image



kraftiekortie
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25 May 2022, 4:29 pm

This happened around 1970. I'm not saying this was right. But it was a different time.

PLEASE DON'T THINK I WAS CONDONING THIS. You're acting like I'm condoning it.

Nowadays, of course it's mandated to report this.



The_Face_of_Boo
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25 May 2022, 11:30 pm

Kraftie obviously wasn’t condoning child marriage or blaming the victim in any way, stop trying hard to put him in a such ugly light.
That’s a low blow.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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25 May 2022, 11:34 pm



https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zUhdhdHqXlU

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Twilightprincess
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26 May 2022, 5:19 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Kraftie obviously wasn’t condoning child marriage or blaming the victim in any way, stop trying hard to put him in a such ugly light.
That’s a low blow.


I wasn’t “trying” to put him in such an ugly light. I was “obviously” just quoting and responding to specific comments he made about a very serious and very sensitive topic. It’s not a “low blow.”

I don’t think he actually blames the victim. It just sounded like he was.



The_Face_of_Boo
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26 May 2022, 6:44 am

^ I reread his posts, and based on how he expressed them he was obviously not blaming her in any way or shape, nor condoning any shape of child/forced marriage.

Anyway, you were starting to sound like an online bully.

I don’t think you are an online bully but you did sound like one.


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26 May 2022, 7:12 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
In China, girls at a certain age had their feet bound until rather recently. It was condoned. This doesn't mean I condone this practice by stating it.

This was considered reprehensible in the era of the Republic of China, and considered unacceptable in the era of the People's Republic of China. That is, it was about a hundred years ago or seventy years ago.
I doubt if the whole country will be able to identify ten families who are still carrying out this kind of atrocity.


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kraftiekortie
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26 May 2022, 7:19 am

That’s what I said….until “rather recently.”

Until around the time of the last emperor.

Obviously, it's not condoned today. To even think about condoning it is more than ridiculous. I don't even like it when my shoes are even remotely tight.

"Bound feet" was a barbaric practice, to say the least.



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28 May 2022, 1:28 pm

It just occurs to me that some of the situations I saw on Love on the Spectrum - US are very much like arranged marriage, except without the actual marriage, because the people involved (not the entire cast just the situations I have in mind!) would probably be considered incapable of raising kids.


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28 May 2022, 4:18 pm

I don't trust or respect anyone enough to find someone for me. They usually choose someone who is just available and breathing.

Reminds me of this Joan Rivers sketch that I can't find.



kitesandtrainsandcats
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28 May 2022, 7:23 pm

Well, I expect an arranged marriage is preferable to a deranged marriage.


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28 May 2022, 7:51 pm

If Max had started this thread two months later all he would have needed to say would have been...

"Amber, and Johnny. I rest my case.".



Twilightprincess
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28 May 2022, 8:13 pm

Just because a marriage doesn’t end in divorce doesn’t make it a success.

I dislike the very idea of “arranged marriages.”



nick007
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28 May 2022, 8:26 pm

MaxE wrote:
I feel that I must apologize for posting this. None of the people I know who are in arranged marriages were forced into their marriage AFAIK, none seem to be suffering, and typically both have jobs that pay well. In my personal life I wouldn't have occasion to become closely acquainted with someone who was forced to marry their father's friend at the age of 13. Of course I respect the suffering of anyone who has experienced that.
I've known a couple people at work who were immigrants or the children of immigrants that were in arranged marriages(two were women, & one was a man, their spouses didn't work there) & I've had some online friends who were(women & men) & they seemed very happy with the arrangement. It's important to note that they were currently living in the US & not some 3rd world country where the women have no rights or freedoms at all & are not even allowed to leave the house without a man at their side. While it is important to acknowledge that these types of relationships can be very abusive for women, we should also acknowledge that it is NOT the case for all women. Plenty of people stay in abusive relationships that are not arranged marriages for various reasons & sometimes men get abused as well in arranged marriages & not in arranged marriages. I hope nobody is assuming nor implying that I'm some potential wife beater rapist because I've talked before about wanting to be in an arranged marriage.


MaxE wrote:
It just occurs to me that some of the situations I saw on Love on the Spectrum - US are very much like arranged marriage, except without the actual marriage, because the people involved (not the entire cast just the situations I have in mind!) would probably be considered incapable of raising kids.
I never watched that show but I think I have an idea of what you mean. It's not uncommon for couples to get set up & sometimes people(like some of us Aspie guys or people with other major disabilities) are very desperate for a relationship & may feel that they have very little choice even if they are not being forced into it.


kitesandtrainsandcats wrote:
Well, I expect an arranged marriage is preferable to a deranged marriage.
Both would be preferable to me over getting a stereotypical relationship partner by the stereotypical way of dating. Like asking a woman out while trying to make her feel attracted to me. Then taking her to a fancy romantic dinner that we both have to force ourselves to eat due to feeling nervous trying to figure out the exact right things to say & maybe us not liking that food, & me being worried about how I can afford it. Then I take her to a romantic movie or some place with a romantic atmosphere where I have to focus on making a good impression & all the romantic fluff. Then I take her home & walk her to her door while we both worry about the kiss & potentially having sex or rejecting sex. I literally feel sick to my stomach typing this.


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