Crushing on someone hard when you have ASD

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lvpin
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01 May 2022, 9:09 am

nick007 wrote:
naturalplastic wrote:
Thats what celebrities are for. :lol:

When you crush on someone in your real life that youre not in position to go out with - you can crush on a celeb (maybe someone who could "play that person in a movie") as "methadone treatment". Methadone is a drug that they used to use to give heroin addicts to wean them off of heroin (dont know if they still do that nowadays). You cant go out with the celeb either, but you can at least look at film clips of them Utube any time you want (which you cant do with regular folks).
Crushing definitely feels like a drug addiction to me. I have no experience with illegal drugs or abusing non-prescription drugs but based on what I've heard about drug addiction, I def feel a high that makes it hard to focus.








The drug thing is so accurate. Never been high but oh my gosh do I feel like I'm intoxicated. They're all I can think about and talk about. My friends have to repeatedly stop me. I try to find out everything I can about them too ;-;. And with those highs, the lows inevitably come. The crushing, making me beg for death lows.



nick007
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03 May 2022, 1:21 am

lvpin wrote:
The drug thing is so accurate. Never been high but oh my gosh do I feel like I'm intoxicated. They're all I can think about and talk about. My friends have to repeatedly stop me. I try to find out everything I can about them too ;-;. And with those highs, the lows inevitably come. The crushing, making me beg for death lows.
The lows can sure s#ck sometimes. I had some crying spells & there were times during very heavy crushing that I literally felt like my heart skipped beats & I almost passed out at least a few times. I guess the main thing I found that really helps is being distracted. I focus on my current girlfriend aLOT & if I had the choice I would chose her in a hot second over anyone else. I'm also kinda busy with life stuff sometimes. Plus I kinda realized that talking about my crush gets me nowhere & nobody really wants to listen to me go on & on about it & not talking about her kinda helps too.


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Dillogic
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05 May 2022, 6:49 am

Yeah. She'll know that one. Kinda a decade long deal here though. Maybe taking her with me to places I shouldn't have in my head might have made the connection far too strong, but maybe not and I just did that because she was the only real light I could see. Nothing fantasy about it, as I knew her and love was there. I probably hurt her too much from things, but that'll be personal life stuff, and my apologies probably feel as dead as I do. Not a "crush" in reality.

I guess she likes someone else or as above, just too much pain [or not interested]. I understand. Doesn't make the sadness feel better, but in the end, I'd rather her be happy, and her choice is the one that makes such, not anything I want.

That'll be life.



PamplemousseJus
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07 May 2022, 3:42 am

Nope. Don’t know anything about him - not something you really ask your university teacher …

I guess autism isn’t something that you normally discuss but I like to tell people I interact with about my disabilities because I want them to understand a little about the way I am and not misinterpret my quirks as rudeness /immaturity/ lack of professionalism/ stupidity/ laziness etc. … anyway that’s how it came up. Before getting diagnosed I had so much experience with bullying and exclusion socially, discrimination at work, and generally being “written off” by all types of people .. I find it helpful to just be upfront about it (on reflection I have been out of a job after disclosing to bosses who then exploited me for it … but that’s another story that’s all too common in this community … but socially and in other professional / academic settings this strategy has worked really well)

Disappointing news, I think the guy I like is happy to be friends but has no interest in me that way. Feeling really sad and hurt.

This struggle to connect and the resulting isolation is one of the worst things about being autistic… before this stupid crush I had been in a state of having given hope up on the idea of dating and accepting my limitations in life … just focused on being happy in my single life … And now I remember why. :-(.

Current heartbreak aside, having so little insight into what someone else is feeling/thinking (no cognitive empathy) seems like an insurmountable barrier to romantic connections … How are we ever supposed to avoid the trap of falling for people who aren’t giving out signals that they return our affections if we are blind to the presence or absence to those signals … especially for people who also struggle with emotional regulation and feel things so intensely. It’s a cruel and lonely world. :-(