All in favor of a WP dating subforum / site?

Page 2 of 3 [ 45 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3  Next


Do you think WP should set up its own ASD-friendly dating site? Would you use it?
Yes 50%  50%  [ 10 ]
No 50%  50%  [ 10 ]
Total votes : 20

Pepe
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Jun 2013
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 26,635
Location: Australia

01 May 2022, 10:16 pm

Fnord wrote:
Is the solution to aspies not getting dates the establishment of yet another useless on-line dating service?

Why not just PM someone to whom you are attracted and ask them for a date?[/color]


Sound advice. 8)



Pepe
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Jun 2013
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 26,635
Location: Australia

01 May 2022, 10:19 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
I'm in favour of it even though I wouldn't use it.
I think it could be useful to the members who are seriously interested in meeting people.
I hope it wouldn't turn into a meat market, though.
Unfortunately there's enough of that going on here 24/7 as it is.


Skunk meat, anyone?
I give "Frequent Flyer Points". 8)



Pepe
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Jun 2013
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 26,635
Location: Australia

01 May 2022, 10:21 pm

Fnord wrote:
Anomaly_76 wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Is the solution to aspies not getting dates the establishment of yet another useless on-line dating service? Why not just PM someone to whom you are attracted and ask them for a date?


It seems to me that the two biggest factors in the challenges of this are:

1) Many of us are scattered geographically and it is hard to find anyone who really understands us as an equal.

2) Most people on typical dating sites have unrealistic expectations or wants.

And, as mentioned before, typical dating sites are not geared towards protecting those of us with ASD that are more vulnerable to being taken advantage of.
Do you think that a dating site run by people who cannot get dates for themselves would help other people get dates?[/color]


There are altruists amongst us. 8)



Pepe
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Jun 2013
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 26,635
Location: Australia

01 May 2022, 10:26 pm

nick007 wrote:

The women think we're creeps who reek of desperation & don't know or care how to be respectable :(


More so for autistic skunks. 8)



Anomaly_76
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 25 Apr 2022
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 91
Location: Virginia, USA

01 May 2022, 10:40 pm

Fnord wrote:
Is the solution to aspies not getting dates the establishment of yet another useless on-line dating service?

Why not just PM someone to whom you are attracted and ask them for a date?[/color]

Pepe wrote:
Sound advice. 8)

Except for this...
nick007 wrote:
I've met all 3 of the girlfriends I've had on online forums, the latter two were this one. That said, I've heard women complain on this forum in the past because they were getting a bunch of messages from autistic guys hoping for a relationship when the women did NOT join this forum to get a relationship. It creeped a bit out & scared some off this site :( It's one of the reasons autistic women are less likely to want relationships with autistic men. The women think we're creeps who reek of desperation & don't know or care how to be respectable

We can't win here, guys... Almost seems better to let the ladies enjoy their cats and box wine... :chin:

Not to mention, this thread makes it clear that many with ASD have the same attitude towards others with ASD that NTs do... Or set themselves up to fail by cutting potentials off at the knees... As I said earlier, some ladies unload on the one nice guy just asking to get to know them with the pent-up frustrations of the other 28 guys that sent pics of their junk as if that one guy had sent a pic of HIS junk 28 times.


_________________
.
I don't know how to act my age, I've never been this old before. Which begs the question....
Since ASD means various parts of the brain stop developing at various ages...
Just how the hell am I supposed to know WHICH age to act, anyway? :lol:


Pepe
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Jun 2013
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 26,635
Location: Australia

01 May 2022, 10:54 pm

Quote:

I simply messaged someone who seemed interesting and said hi, asking what their story was. Only to be cut off at the knees with "Not interested in what you have to say". That sort of response comes off as F-O, quite frankly. Okay, so, why, exactly, are you on a dating site?


Obviously, to meet someone as self-serving and as disagreeable as herself.
Simples. 8)

Quote:
While I get that it's inherent to our condition that many of us are not well-versed in etiquette, I think that some are far too picky.


I have come across indications of this a number of times.

Quote:
We're already at something of a disadvantage in finding someone compatible, we certainly don't need to set ourselves up to fail as well -- after all, our options are rather limited in comparison to NTs. And while I get that some women get tired of typical cheesy pickup lines or inappropriate comments, I think those of us with ASD need to remember and appreciate two very important things.


You rang? 8)

But seriously, We are at a definite disadvantage, communication weakness being a major one.

Quote:
One, such faux pas are known to be inherent to our condition, and two, while I know that those of us with ASD are typically more sensitive and intense, just because twenty-eight guys have sent you a pic of their junk asking what you're doing Saturday night, doesn't mean you have to respond to one particular guy like it's the twenty-eighth time HE'S done that.


No one has ever sent me penis pics, so obviously I am doing something wrong. :mrgreen:

As an aside, I was shocked that this was a common occurrence. I was under the impression it was illegal.
While I have been enlightened about this, I have never considered doing it myself...
...primarily because I have nothing to boast about. 8O Have you seen the size of a skunk's penis? :mrgreen:


Quote:
This thread has more or less made two things clear to me... One, the biggest problems with this are not what I thought they were -- rather, they are that it appears some / many of us with ASD can't even stand each other, and perhaps inherent to the condition, accounting for typical abuse by those who don't understand it, we feel we don't deserve it. Folks, it would appear as though we're intolerant of those with the same condition we have! Seriously?


Not all of us. Seriously.


Quote:
The other thing is that there seems to be a "Don't do it because it won't be perfect" mentality among a few of the posts here. Nothing's perfect, nothing ever is. But there are entirely too many people in the world who would rather keep others from something just because it wouldn't suit them. Whatever happened to simply not using something if it doesn't work for you?


Society has become more intolerant over the decades, in some areas. Older people like myself can testify to that.
I embrace old skool thinking:
I.E. Whatever floats your boat. To each their own. Let us agree to disagree, when necessary. 8)



Anomaly_76
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 25 Apr 2022
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 91
Location: Virginia, USA

01 May 2022, 11:01 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
I'm in favour of it even though I wouldn't use it.
I think it could be useful to the members who are seriously interested in meeting people.
I hope it wouldn't turn into a meat market, though.
Unfortunately there's enough of that going on here 24/7 as it is.

Pepe wrote:
Skunk meat, anyone?
I give "Frequent Flyer Points". 8)

And I thought I was a smart-ass :lol:


_________________
.
I don't know how to act my age, I've never been this old before. Which begs the question....
Since ASD means various parts of the brain stop developing at various ages...
Just how the hell am I supposed to know WHICH age to act, anyway? :lol:


Pepe
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Jun 2013
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 26,635
Location: Australia

02 May 2022, 1:26 am

Anomaly_76 wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
I'm in favour of it even though I wouldn't use it.
I think it could be useful to the members who are seriously interested in meeting people.
I hope it wouldn't turn into a meat market, though.
Unfortunately there's enough of that going on here 24/7 as it is.

Pepe wrote:
Skunk meat, anyone?
I give "Frequent Flyer Points". 8)

And I thought I was a smart-ass :lol:


You are only new with 60 posts, atm, so you don't know.
*I* am Spartacus I mean *I* have the smartest ass on the website.
You can tell by all my posts that have been deleted. 8)



Anomaly_76
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 25 Apr 2022
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 91
Location: Virginia, USA

02 May 2022, 1:49 am

Pepe wrote:
You are only new with 60 posts, atm, so you don't know.
*I* am Spartacus I mean *I* have the smartest ass on the website.
You can tell by all my posts that have been deleted. 8)

And I keep telling you, you are Asparagus, not Spartacus... :lol:


_________________
.
I don't know how to act my age, I've never been this old before. Which begs the question....
Since ASD means various parts of the brain stop developing at various ages...
Just how the hell am I supposed to know WHICH age to act, anyway? :lol:


Redd_Kross
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Jun 2020
Age: 49
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,450
Location: Derby, UK

02 May 2022, 2:01 am

Pepe wrote:
No one has ever sent me penis pics, so obviously I am doing something wrong. :mrgreen:


PM sent



Anomaly_76
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 25 Apr 2022
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 91
Location: Virginia, USA

02 May 2022, 3:18 am

Redd_Kross wrote:
Pepe wrote:
No one has ever sent me penis pics, so obviously I am doing something wrong. :mrgreen:


PM sent


https://drive.google.com/file/d/1BLQMGJwR_phcl1FbwEaotGi_eIjEuWGa


_________________
.
I don't know how to act my age, I've never been this old before. Which begs the question....
Since ASD means various parts of the brain stop developing at various ages...
Just how the hell am I supposed to know WHICH age to act, anyway? :lol:


cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 34,284

02 May 2022, 3:19 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
I don't think there's enough active users on this site for a dating section to have the potential to be anything other than another fruitless endeavour for the lonely among us to add to our failure resumès.


^^ I think there'd be like 5000 males and zero females signing up.



Where_am_I
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Apr 2019
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,392
Location: London

02 May 2022, 7:32 pm

Anomaly_76 wrote:
nick007 wrote:
L&D has had some bad gender wars in the past & we're not allowed to have a Men's section because of those wars. It was before my time but some aHole guys abused the Men's section by b!tching about women a lot & those d!ckheads ruined it for the rest of us guys :x Our site creator Alex has been very reluctant to add new sections & Alex has been EXTREMELY UNINVOLVED here for a LONG time now & it's contributing to the site's slowness. Plus we have the Getting To Know Each Other section as well as the Social Skills & Making Friends section on top of the L&D so having another section here for members to try & connect with each other seems unnecessary & perhaps confusing to figure out what section to post different things in.

I feel very bad for the lonely members who are desperate for a romantic relationship because I've been there. Being single can majorly s#ck sometimes. I know I was EXTREMELY LUCKY to get a loving partner because of my various issues but I'm not sure how to help other members in similar situations :(


I wasn't going to mention this, but what the hell, it's certainly relevant. Truthfully, I asked this question in light of a response I received in trying to mingle on another site supposedly specifically for autistic dating (which appears to have loaded up with folks that may or may not be ASD as well -- no indication to their status) that I found to be quite rude.

I simply messaged someone who seemed interesting and said hi, asking what their story was. Only to be cut off at the knees with "Not interested in what you have to say". That sort of response comes off as F-O, quite frankly. Okay, so, why, exactly, are you on a dating site?

While I get that it's inherent to our condition that many of us are not well-versed in etiquette, I think that some are far too picky. We're already at something of a disadvantage in finding someone compatible, we certainly don't need to set ourselves up to fail as well -- after all, our options are rather limited in comparison to NTs. And while I get that some women get tired of typical cheesy pickup lines or inappropriate comments, I think those of us with ASD need to remember and appreciate two very important things.

One, such faux pas are known to be inherent to our condition, and two, while I know that those of us with ASD are typically more sensitive and intense, just because twenty-eight guys have sent you a pic of their junk asking what you're doing Saturday night, doesn't mean you have to respond to one particular guy like it's the twenty-eighth time HE'S done that.

As for the guys complaining about women, again, a double standard, because it's not like women don't complain about men... Equality doesn't mean special treatment. "Rules for thee, but not for me"? I get the whole "gender war" thing, though I think what should bear consideration, isn't only who starts such things, but who keeps them going. Not everything demands a reaction.

This thread has more or less made two things clear to me... One, the biggest problems with this are not what I thought they were -- rather, they are that it appears some / many of us with ASD can't even stand each other, and perhaps inherent to the condition, accounting for typical abuse by those who don't understand it, we feel we don't deserve it. Folks, it would appear as though we're intolerant of those with the same condition we have! Seriously?

The other thing is that there seems to be a "Don't do it because it won't be perfect" mentality among a few of the posts here. Nothing's perfect, nothing ever is. But there are entirely too many people in the world who would rather keep others from something just because it wouldn't suit them. Whatever happened to simply not using something if it doesn't work for you? Is it any wonder that mention has been made of the site founder being uninterested in maintaining such things? When you have someone complaining about this and that no matter what, I think I'd be hesitant too.


I don't care if it's number one or twenty eight. Sending pictures of their junk calls for a strong reaction because it's perverted.


_________________
"A loaded gun won't set you free. So you say." - Ian Curtis


nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,121
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in the police state called USA

02 May 2022, 8:57 pm

Where_am_I wrote:
I don't care if it's number one or twenty eight. Sending pictures of their junk calls for a strong reaction because it's perverted.
I completely agree but I higly doubt that any Aspie guys here looking for an actual relationship would actually do that. The guys who do that are mostly looking for sex or cybersex or FWB thing, NOT a serious romantic relationship.


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


Pepe
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Jun 2013
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 26,635
Location: Australia

02 May 2022, 9:01 pm

Anomaly_76 wrote:
Pepe wrote:
You are only new with 60 posts, atm, so you don't know.
*I* am Spartacus I mean *I* have the smartest ass on the website.
You can tell by all my posts that have been deleted. 8)

And I keep telling you, you are Asparagus, not Spartacus... :lol:


8)

Glad you are here.
It will take some of the heat off me. :mrgreen:



Pepe
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Jun 2013
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 26,635
Location: Australia

02 May 2022, 9:03 pm

Redd_Kross wrote:
Pepe wrote:
No one has ever sent me penis pics, so obviously I am doing something wrong. :mrgreen:


PM sent


Who would have thought...
...a penis could be so small. 8O :mrgreen: