Confidence is bunk. Here's why.

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rse92
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05 May 2022, 10:34 am

dorkseid wrote:
rse92 wrote:

You already have a couple woe is me threads going. Did you have to start a new one?


You'll be rid of me soon enough.


I never said I wanted rid of you. I don't think anyone here wants rid of you or has even said that.

I will note that my 31 year old daughter, who has been to hell and back like you cannot even imagine, says stuff like that to her mother and me. She hasn't gone anywhere.

And she is making a go of rebuilding her life. She hasn't quit yet.



kraftiekortie
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05 May 2022, 10:42 am

I don't think Dorkseid is going to quit, either......



dorkseid
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05 May 2022, 1:41 pm

rse92 wrote:
dorkseid wrote:
rse92 wrote:

You already have a couple woe is me threads going. Did you have to start a new one?


You'll be rid of me soon enough.


I never said I wanted rid of you. I don't think anyone here wants rid of you or has even said that.

I will note that my 31 year old daughter, who has been to hell and back like you cannot even imagine, says stuff like that to her mother and me. She hasn't gone anywhere.

And she is making a go of rebuilding her life. She hasn't quit yet.


I'm not interested in any kind of "who's had worse" pissing contest with your daughter or anyone else. I don't know the details of whatever adversity she's been through. But what I do know is that many years have come and gone since I was 31, and in all that time nothing has ever gotten any better in my life. That isn't going to magically change now.

My mind is made up.



rse92
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05 May 2022, 1:53 pm

If you are thinking that way then I implore you to call a suicide hotline or otherwise to get help immediately. That is not the way to go.



dorkseid
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05 May 2022, 2:08 pm

rse92 wrote:
If you are thinking that way then I implore you to call a suicide hotline or otherwise to get help immediately. That is not the way to go.


That's not for you to decide.

I've been in and out of therapy and seen several doctors over the past 13 years, and none of them were to do anything to help me. I'm nor interested in looking for help any more.



Pepe
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06 May 2022, 12:12 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I don't think Dorkseid is going to quit, either......


I embrace the motto: "My life, my choice." 8)

This is not encouragement, of course.



rse92
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06 May 2022, 9:08 am

dorkseid wrote:
rse92 wrote:
If you are thinking that way then I implore you to call a suicide hotline or otherwise to get help immediately. That is not the way to go.


That's not for you to decide.

I've been in and out of therapy and seen several doctors over the past 13 years, and none of them were to do anything to help me. I'm nor interested in looking for help any more.


You must be because you are posting here.



SkinnedWolf
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08 May 2022, 9:29 am

dorkseid wrote:
We've all at some point or another seen a short fat bald man walk up to women with all the confidence in the world and flirt with them. And the response is always: echww go away you creepy pervert.

Confidence in doing what you are good at or what others think you should do.
Instead of being confident in flirting - overconfidence on this point can easily lead to revulsion in the female community.


The first is to focus on yourself, not on acquiring relationships.

A lot of women are actually attracted to the former. If she happens to be interested in what you're working on. Or you have shown leadership in a related field.
This path also has lower superficial requirements.

Some very skilled/"premium" men can succeed with the latter, but that's not what autism is good at.


Sometimes what attracts women is "acting like they don't have to have a woman."
At least that applies to my culture.
(On the premise that they are not objectionable in themselves)
I've been seeing you doing the exact opposite right now.


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envirozentinel
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08 May 2022, 9:56 am

Finding a woman / partner with mutual interests is key. Meeting geeky times at a comic book or cosplay convention for instance, or a homely type at a cooking or gardening club.

Relationships that are superficial, won't likely last, but ones based on similar interests that allows one to talk freely, ought to stand the test of time. I know of many folk, including myself, who met their soul mate without trying too hard, so to speak. Bars and clubs aren't the way to go. People who have intense interests in their hobbies, are less concerned about looks and more likely to talk to someone who sings from the same songsheet.


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dorkseid
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08 May 2022, 5:10 pm

envirozentinel wrote:
Finding a woman / partner with mutual interests is key. Meeting geeky times at a comic book or cosplay convention for instance, or a homely type at a cooking or gardening club.

Relationships that are superficial, won't likely last, but ones based on similar interests that allows one to talk freely, ought to stand the test of time. I know of many folk, including myself, who met their soul mate without trying too hard, so to speak. Bars and clubs aren't the way to go. People who have intense interests in their hobbies, are less concerned about looks and more likely to talk to someone who sings from the same songsheet.


Problem is that 99% of women I've met over the past decade, and particularly those with geeky interested, have all been married or in relationships. On the extremely rare occasions when I met nerdy women I liked who were single none of them liked me.



Pepe
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08 May 2022, 5:33 pm

SkinnedWolf wrote:
dorkseid wrote:
We've all at some point or another seen a short fat bald man walk up to women with all the confidence in the world and flirt with them. And the response is always: echww go away you creepy pervert.

Confidence in doing what you are good at or what others think you should do.
Instead of being confident in flirting - overconfidence on this point can easily lead to revulsion in the female community.


The first is to focus on yourself, not on acquiring relationships.

A lot of women are actually attracted to the former. If she happens to be interested in what you're working on. Or you have shown leadership in a related field.
This path also has lower superficial requirements.

Some very skilled/"premium" men can succeed with the latter, but that's not what autism is good at.


Sometimes what attracts women is "acting like they don't have to have a woman."
At least that applies to my culture.
(On the premise that they are not objectionable in themselves)
I've been seeing you doing the exact opposite right now.


You rang? 8)
But I am not "acting". :mrgreen:



Pepe
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08 May 2022, 5:38 pm

envirozentinel wrote:
Finding a woman / partner with mutual interests is key. Meeting geeky times at a comic book or cosplay convention for instance, or a homely type at a cooking or gardening club.

Relationships that are superficial, won't likely last, but ones based on similar interests that allows one to talk freely, ought to stand the test of time. I know of many folk, including myself, who met their soul mate without trying too hard, so to speak. Bars and clubs aren't the way to go. People who have intense interests in their hobbies, are less concerned about looks and more likely to talk to someone who sings from the same songsheet.


QFT.

If there are no common interests and particularly if free discussion is restricted, the friendship will suffer. 8)



dorkseid
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08 May 2022, 8:10 pm

None of you can tell me tall handsome men can't pick girls at bars and social events. I've seen it happen with my own eyes hundreds of times.

Years ago I was roommates with a football player. He's one of the biggest idiots I know. But because he was on the university football team girls came over to have sex with him all the time. Walls were thin so I could clearly hear everything going on.



Pepe
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09 May 2022, 1:58 am

dorkseid wrote:
None of you can tell me tall handsome men can't pick girls at bars and social events. I've seen it happen with my own eyes hundreds of times.


What ninny said they can't? :scratch:
Welcome to reality.

dorkseid wrote:
Years ago I was roommates with a football player. He's one of the biggest idiots I know. But because he was on the university football team girls came over to have sex with him all the time. Walls were thin so I could clearly hear everything going on.


This is a trope that reflects reality.
I agree with you. 8)



kraftiekortie
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09 May 2022, 6:14 am

I wonder how the football player is doing now….

There’s been lots of concussion-related disorders—both mental and physical—amongst football players.



SkinnedWolf
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09 May 2022, 6:21 am

dorkseid wrote:
None of you can tell me tall handsome men can't pick girls at bars and social events. I've seen it happen with my own eyes hundreds of times.

I guess nobody here tells you "he can't".

But the problem is, you can't generalize about how all girls are.

A high percentage of girls are attracted to that kind of guy. This is a fact.
But another fact is that some girls aren't keen on that kind of guy, or have other preferences.
The latter is what you should care about.

I don't think "I have to be able to attract most girls" is a necessary goal for a guy who wants to have one partner.


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Cover your eyes, if you like. It will serve no purpose.

You might expect to be able to crush them in your hand, into wolf-bone fragments.
Dance with me, funeralxempire. Into night's circle we fly, until the fire enjoys us.