All in favor of a WP dating subforum / site?

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Do you think WP should set up its own ASD-friendly dating site? Would you use it?
Yes 50%  50%  [ 10 ]
No 50%  50%  [ 10 ]
Total votes : 20

Anomaly_76
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30 Apr 2022, 3:40 pm

Who here would like to see WP implement its own ASD-friendly dating site?

It seems that any site purportedly catering to those with ASD is either a scam or just not monitored with the needs of ASD individuals in mind (we are vulnerable to scams because many of us are easily taken advantage of). And typical personals sites are a huge PITA to register and navigate (I've registered with three today that don't work right, if they load at all).


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I don't know how to act my age, I've never been this old before. Which begs the question....
Since ASD means various parts of the brain stop developing at various ages...
Just how the hell am I supposed to know WHICH age to act, anyway? :lol:


Fnord
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30 Apr 2022, 5:46 pm

Is the solution to aspies not getting dates the establishment of yet another useless on-line dating service?

Why not just PM someone to whom you are attracted and ask them for a date?



IsabellaLinton
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30 Apr 2022, 5:52 pm

I'm in favour of it even though I wouldn't use it.
I think it could be useful to the members who are seriously interested in meeting people.
I hope it wouldn't turn into a meat market, though.
Unfortunately there's enough of that going on here 24/7 as it is.



Anomaly_76
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30 Apr 2022, 6:07 pm

Fnord wrote:
Is the solution to aspies not getting dates the establishment of yet another useless on-line dating service?

Why not just PM someone to whom you are attracted and ask them for a date?


It seems to me that the two biggest factors in the challenges of this are:

1) Many of us are scattered geographically and it is hard to find anyone who really understands us as an equal.

2) Most people on typical dating sites have unrealistic expectations or wants.

And, as mentioned before, typical dating sites are not geared towards protecting those of us with ASD that are more vulnerable to being taken advantage of.


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I don't know how to act my age, I've never been this old before. Which begs the question....
Since ASD means various parts of the brain stop developing at various ages...
Just how the hell am I supposed to know WHICH age to act, anyway? :lol:


Fnord
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30 Apr 2022, 6:47 pm

Anomaly_76 wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Is the solution to aspies not getting dates the establishment of yet another useless on-line dating service? Why not just PM someone to whom you are attracted and ask them for a date?


It seems to me that the two biggest factors in the challenges of this are:

1) Many of us are scattered geographically and it is hard to find anyone who really understands us as an equal.

2) Most people on typical dating sites have unrealistic expectations or wants.

And, as mentioned before, typical dating sites are not geared towards protecting those of us with ASD that are more vulnerable to being taken advantage of.
Do you think that a dating site run by people who cannot get dates for themselves would help other people get dates?



nick007
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30 Apr 2022, 7:05 pm

WP had it's own dating site YEARS ago when I joined this forum & I registered there but was NOT able to really use it. The site was NOT maintained & had LOTS of bugs & glitches & eventually got taken down :(


IsabellaLinton wrote:
I'm in favour of it even though I wouldn't use it.
I think it could be useful to the members who are seriously interested in meeting people.
I hope it wouldn't turn into a meat market, though.
Unfortunately there's enough of that going on here 24/7 as it is.
Any legit autistic dating site would primarily benefit women wanting relationships with Aspie guys who don't want to spend much time trying to search for a guy by reading lots of posts on WP. I know that this idea sounds great to desperately lonely autistic guys including me when I was single but it's just NOT practical. Dating sites in general tend to be meat markets & considering that autism is diagnosed 4x more in men than women & that a much higher percent of autistic guys want relationships with autistic women then the other way around, an autistic dating site would be destined to fail most all the guys who join. However I def woulda registered when I was single if it was a legit site but I would equate it with buying a single lottery ticket when the jackpot is 10 million. I would NOT be expecting to win or get in any romantic relationship but I'd figure I might as well take a chance if I don't really have anything to lose but I would NOT get my hopes up.


Fnord wrote:
Is the solution to aspies not getting dates the establishment of yet another useless on-line dating service?

Why not just PM someone to whom you are attracted and ask them for a date?
I've met all 3 of the girlfriends I've had on online forums, the latter two were this one. That said, I've heard women complain on this forum in the past because they were getting a bunch of messages from autistic guys hoping for a relationship when the women did NOT join this forum to get a relationship. It creeped a bit out & scared some off this site :( It's one of the reasons autistic women are less likely to want relationships with autistic men. The women think we're creeps who reek of desperation & don't know or care how to be respectable :( I would like there to be some forum guidelines/rules regarding this kinda behavior but I haven't heard those complaints in a long time so maybe the mods are doing a better job at managing this. I never initiated PMs here or other non-dating sites for this purpose. I posted aLOT on the forums & in the case of my 1st gf, we responded a bit in each others threads & then started chatting outside of the forum as online friends before we considered the idea of a relationship. In the case of my 2nd gf, she posted in one of my threads about how she was wanting something kinda similar & after posting a couple replies to each other there I asked in my thread if I could PM her. In the case of my current gf, she read a lot of my posts for a while & then PMed me before I had read any of her posts, before I replied I checked her post history which was in sections I didn't go to much.


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IsabellaLinton
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30 Apr 2022, 7:19 pm

nick007 wrote:
Any legit autistic dating site would primarily benefit women wanting relationships with Aspie guys who don't want to spend much time trying to search for a guy by reading lots of posts on WP. I know that this idea sounds great to desperately lonely autistic guys including me when I was single but it's just NOT practical. Dating sites in general tend to be meat markets & considering that autism is diagnosed 4x more in men than women & that a much higher percent of autistic guys want relationships with autistic women then the other way around, an autistic dating site would be destined to fail most all the guys who join. However I def woulda registered when I was single if it was a legit site but I would equate it with buying a single lottery ticket when the jackpot is 10 million. I would NOT be expecting to win or get in any romantic relationship but I'd figure I might as well take a chance if I don't really have anything to lose but I would NOT get my hopes up.



I'm not a fan of online dating. I agree with you about the potential problems of autistic dating sites, especially for autistic women who could be manipulated or exploited by men and women who aren't even autistic -- (or else they are autistic, but they're more motivated by hormones and sex drive than true compatibility). Regardless, I feel badly for sincere people who want to meet other neurodivergent members.

Ideally we could have a place reserved on WP for people to mingle if they're considering a partnership. The problem is that this energy would most likely spill out onto the rest of the forum much like PPR, with some people whinging about their lack of success, trolling for hookups in all the wrong places, insulting and shaming those who aren't interested, or joining the site just to see if they can score. There's also the potential for an increase in sexual harassment and stalking, which are one of WP's biggest problems at the best of times.

I think most people find each other organically whether here or elsewhere, and a specific forum isn't really needed. It's hard to say though, because I do feel badly for those with good intentions.



The Grand Inquisitor
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30 Apr 2022, 10:32 pm

I don't think there's enough active users on this site for a dating section to have the potential to be anything other than another fruitless endeavour for the lonely among us to add to our failure resumès.



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30 Apr 2022, 10:41 pm

I have no interest in such things. But if other people on WP think it's what they need, then that's fine.



D0rf
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01 May 2022, 1:43 am

wouldn't be effective based on my experience with hiki



nick007
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01 May 2022, 2:16 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
I'm not a fan of online dating. I agree with you about the potential problems of autistic dating sites, especially for autistic women who could be manipulated or exploited by men and women who aren't even autistic -- (or else they are autistic, but they're more motivated by hormones and sex drive than true compatibility). Regardless, I feel badly for sincere people who want to meet other neurodivergent members.

Ideally we could have a place reserved on WP for people to mingle if they're considering a partnership. The problem is that this energy would most likely spill out onto the rest of the forum much like PPR, with some people whinging about their lack of success, trolling for hookups in all the wrong places, insulting and shaming those who aren't interested, or joining the site just to see if they can score. There's also the potential for an increase in sexual harassment and stalking, which are one of WP's biggest problems at the best of times.

I think most people find each other organically whether here or elsewhere, and a specific forum isn't really needed. It's hard to say though, because I do feel badly for those with good intentions.
I know what you mean. I'm worried that having a section here dedicated towards members trying to get together for a relationship would turn into a gender war. L&D has had some bad gender wars in the past & we're not allowed to have a Men's section because of those wars. It was before my time but some aHole guys abused the Men's section by b!tching about women a lot & those d!ckheads ruined it for the rest of us guys :x Our site creator Alex has been very reluctant to add new sections & Alex has been EXTREMELY UNINVOLVED here for a LONG time now & it's contributing to the site's slowness. Plus we have the Getting To Know Each Other section as well as the Social Skills & Making Friends section on top of the L&D so having another section here for members to try & connect with each other seems unnecessary & perhaps confusing to figure out what section to post different things in.

I feel very bad for the lonely members who are desperate for a romantic relationship because I've been there. Being single can majorly s#ck sometimes. I know I was EXTREMELY LUCKY to get a loving partner because of my various issues but I'm not sure how to help other members in similar situations :(


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Anomaly_76
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01 May 2022, 2:17 pm

nick007 wrote:
L&D has had some bad gender wars in the past & we're not allowed to have a Men's section because of those wars. It was before my time but some aHole guys abused the Men's section by b!tching about women a lot & those d!ckheads ruined it for the rest of us guys :x Our site creator Alex has been very reluctant to add new sections & Alex has been EXTREMELY UNINVOLVED here for a LONG time now & it's contributing to the site's slowness. Plus we have the Getting To Know Each Other section as well as the Social Skills & Making Friends section on top of the L&D so having another section here for members to try & connect with each other seems unnecessary & perhaps confusing to figure out what section to post different things in.

I feel very bad for the lonely members who are desperate for a romantic relationship because I've been there. Being single can majorly s#ck sometimes. I know I was EXTREMELY LUCKY to get a loving partner because of my various issues but I'm not sure how to help other members in similar situations :(


I wasn't going to mention this, but what the hell, it's certainly relevant. Truthfully, I asked this question in light of a response I received in trying to mingle on another site supposedly specifically for autistic dating (which appears to have loaded up with folks that may or may not be ASD as well -- no indication to their status) that I found to be quite rude.

I simply messaged someone who seemed interesting and said hi, asking what their story was. Only to be cut off at the knees with "Not interested in what you have to say". That sort of response comes off as F-O, quite frankly. Okay, so, why, exactly, are you on a dating site?

While I get that it's inherent to our condition that many of us are not well-versed in etiquette, I think that some are far too picky. We're already at something of a disadvantage in finding someone compatible, we certainly don't need to set ourselves up to fail as well -- after all, our options are rather limited in comparison to NTs. And while I get that some women get tired of typical cheesy pickup lines or inappropriate comments, I think those of us with ASD need to remember and appreciate two very important things.

One, such faux pas are known to be inherent to our condition, and two, while I know that those of us with ASD are typically more sensitive and intense, just because twenty-eight guys have sent you a pic of their junk asking what you're doing Saturday night, doesn't mean you have to respond to one particular guy like it's the twenty-eighth time HE'S done that.

As for the guys complaining about women, again, a double standard, because it's not like women don't complain about men... Equality doesn't mean special treatment. "Rules for thee, but not for me"? I get the whole "gender war" thing, though I think what should bear consideration, isn't only who starts such things, but who keeps them going. Not everything demands a reaction.

This thread has more or less made two things clear to me... One, the biggest problems with this are not what I thought they were -- rather, they are that it appears some / many of us with ASD can't even stand each other, and perhaps inherent to the condition, accounting for typical abuse by those who don't understand it, we feel we don't deserve it. Folks, it would appear as though we're intolerant of those with the same condition we have! Seriously?

The other thing is that there seems to be a "Don't do it because it won't be perfect" mentality among a few of the posts here. Nothing's perfect, nothing ever is. But there are entirely too many people in the world who would rather keep others from something just because it wouldn't suit them. Whatever happened to simply not using something if it doesn't work for you? Is it any wonder that mention has been made of the site founder being uninterested in maintaining such things? When you have someone complaining about this and that no matter what, I think I'd be hesitant too.


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I don't know how to act my age, I've never been this old before. Which begs the question....
Since ASD means various parts of the brain stop developing at various ages...
Just how the hell am I supposed to know WHICH age to act, anyway? :lol:


Last edited by Anomaly_76 on 01 May 2022, 3:10 pm, edited 3 times in total.

kraftiekortie
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01 May 2022, 3:02 pm

We tried that once—didn’t succeed.

People have connected on WP, though—without the dating subforum.

There is an “introduction” thread, and a couple of “odd bod” threads.



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01 May 2022, 6:54 pm

Because an another useless sausage fest is exactly what we need…

No.


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01 May 2022, 10:12 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Because an another useless sausage fest is exactly what we need…

No.


I would consider reconstructive surgery for you. :heart: :mrgreen:


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Also, as George Carlin said, "I have no stake in the outcome." I'll stick around for the comedy.

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01 May 2022, 10:13 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
I don't think there's enough active users on this site for a dating section to have the potential to be anything other than another fruitless endeavour for the lonely among us to add to our failure resumès.


A couple of us have made a connection, recently. 8)


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Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,



Also, as George Carlin said, "I have no stake in the outcome." I'll stick around for the comedy.

"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet."
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)
Read my lips:-I am not a fan of the orange man.-I would never vote for the Republican party given the chance.-I am interested in being objective and rational.