Confidence is bunk. Here's why.

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dorkseid
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04 May 2022, 6:29 am

We've all at some point or another seen a short fat bald man walk up to women with all the confidence in the world and flirt with them. And the response is always: echww go away you creepy pervert.

But when a tall handsome man with a sports car does the exact same thing, it is sexy and romantic and the women love it.

People like to claim it's about having confidence, but that's utter bullsh!t. The man in the first scenario did not lack confidence.

Of course, after being consistently rejected hundreds of times, anyone's confidence will erode eventually. And then people show up after that and say og well the problem clearly is that you lack confidence. No, it's not.

A friend of mine whom I've known for close to 20 years has confirmed to me that I did not lack confidence in my undergrad years. Yet I still never could get a girlfriend even back then. My problems have nothing to do with a lack of confidence. Nobody wants me because I'm an unlovable autistic freak.



kraftiekortie
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04 May 2022, 6:42 am

Im an autistic freak, too….so what?

And people who just go up to women out of the blue are usually scorned by women no matter how good-looking they are.

You’re stuck in an ideology. The only way to escape it is by forceful action against the ideology.



dorkseid
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04 May 2022, 6:49 am

kraftiekortie wrote:

And people who just go up to women out of the blue are usually scorned by women no matter how good-looking they are.



Then explain how our species isn't extinct.



kraftiekortie
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04 May 2022, 6:53 am

There’s other methods other than cold coming up to people.

Even animal males have to sometimes (literally) kiss butt in order to get sex.



dorkseid
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04 May 2022, 8:00 am

None of those methods ever worked for me. They only work attractive men, and whenever unattractive men attempt them they're labeled creeps and perverts.



kraftiekortie
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04 May 2022, 8:05 am

None of these methods ever worked for me, either. and I've been called a creep and pervert for trying those methods. I'm a 5 foot 4 3/4 inch guy who exudes nerdiness. When I exuded both neediness and nerdiness, women recoiled from me, and said (outwardly and inwardly), "ewwww!"

I had to find roundabout ways of finding love. Including being friends with someone first. Or writing poems to a woman on a subway train (unsuccessful). Or meeting someone at work (successful).



cubedemon6073
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04 May 2022, 8:09 am

I think confidence is but one factor. But, to treat it as the end all be all is bunk.

When it comes to confidence yeah you can have it but at the end of the day it doesn't matter what you think of yourself. It matters what that interviewer at a potential job in front of you thinks of you.



kraftiekortie
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04 May 2022, 8:16 am

I just feel better when I'm more confident in myself-----than when I'm less confident in myself.

When I am confident in myself, there is a basis for it-----but this basis is not etched in stone. When I am not confident in myself, I feel there is a basis for that, too----but this is not etched in stone, either.

Basically, I try to choose the "glass half-full" philosophy in my life. I might not have a total 'basis" for it----but there is, at least, a 3/4 basis for it.

This should not be a "black and white" thing. It's not like there's always a total basis for confidence, or that confidence is 100% "bunk."



rse92
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04 May 2022, 9:53 am

dorkseid wrote:
We've all at some point or another seen a short fat bald man walk up to women with all the confidence in the world and flirt with them. And the response is always: echww go away you creepy pervert.

But when a tall handsome man with a sports car does the exact same thing, it is sexy and romantic and the women love it.

People like to claim it's about having confidence, but that's utter bullsh!t. The man in the first scenario did not lack confidence.

Of course, after being consistently rejected hundreds of times, anyone's confidence will erode eventually. And then people show up after that and say og well the problem clearly is that you lack confidence. No, it's not.

A friend of mine whom I've known for close to 20 years has confirmed to me that I did not lack confidence in my undergrad years. Yet I still never could get a girlfriend even back then. My problems have nothing to do with a lack of confidence. Nobody wants me because I'm an unlovable autistic freak.


You already have a couple woe is me threads going. Did you have to start a new one?



kraftiekortie
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04 May 2022, 10:13 am

My honest belief is that Dorkseid is going to be around a long time, not exactly satisfied with his life----like many of us.

He possesses an intensity of feeling in his mind-----and he has a perfectionist view of things in general. I hope he will be able to see the merits and the beauty of women who are 40 or older.

He's gone through stuff in the past. Like my mother, he hasn't totally gotten over the "stuff" as of yet.

Sometimes, it's hard for a person of a depressive mindset, perhaps exacerbated by chemical/biological things, to see the light at the end of the tunnel.



The Grand Inquisitor
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04 May 2022, 10:40 am

Confidence isn't the be-all and end-all of dating. One can have adequate confidence, but still struggle with dating for other reasons.

Losing confidence after so much rejection and no success is to be expected. You shouldn't be blamed for your lack of confidence, or expected to flip a switch and become confident.

At the same time, lacking confidence is pretty much always going to make dating more difficult. While lacking confidence isn't to blame for your lack of success with women, it can only further hurt your chances. When you lack belief in your ability to appeal to women, you're going to be less inclined to risk rejection, understandably perceiving it as a forgone conclusion. A hesitancy to take risks or meet new people, and a vigilant avoidance of instances where one may be rejected, is going to hinder one's chances of finding a partner.



dorkseid
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04 May 2022, 11:46 am

kraftiekortie wrote:

I had to find roundabout ways of finding love. Including being friends with someone first. Or writing poems to a woman on a subway train (unsuccessful). Or meeting someone at work (successful).


I haven't tried writing poetry for women on a train, as I suck at writing poetry and trains are not a standard mode of commuting where I live. But I have tried be friends with women and meeting women through work many times. Most often a combination of both. But those methods never work for me. Everyone wants to be my friend but nobody wants to date me.



dorkseid
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04 May 2022, 10:09 pm

rse92 wrote:

You already have a couple woe is me threads going. Did you have to start a new one?


You'll be rid of me soon enough.



Minervx_2
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04 May 2022, 10:33 pm

Quote:
Nobody wants me because I'm an unlovable autistic freak.


No, it's because you have an extremely toxic mindset. And you're reading redpill type stuff online instead of having a healthy social life. Case closed.



dorkseid
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04 May 2022, 11:36 pm

Minervx_2 wrote:
Quote:
Nobody wants me because I'm an unlovable autistic freak.


No, it's because you have an extremely toxic mindset. And you're reading redpill type stuff online instead of having a healthy social life. Case closed.


Oh, really?! And you know so much about me how exactly?



Pepe
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05 May 2022, 12:26 am

Ahhh. A fresh thread to chew on the gristle of life. :mrgreen:

dorkseid wrote:
We've all at some point or another seen a short fat bald man walk up to women with all the confidence in the world and flirt with them. And the response is always: echww go away you creepy pervert.


Firstly, not all women would be so crass.
Secondly, choose your victim target wisely.

dorkseid wrote:
But when a tall handsome man with a sports car does the exact same thing, it is sexy and romantic and the women love it.


Why would this handsome rich skunk man choose that woman?
Your assumption is that both the man and the woman are in a similar physical league.
Could this be why the "wonderful" spark of love has eventuated?
Superficial, but that is the reality. 8)

dorkseid wrote:
People like to claim it's about having confidence, but that's utter bullsh!t. The man in the first scenario did not lack confidence.


Obviously, that man in the first scenario acted foolishly, by not considering/evaluating the situation correctly.

dorkseid wrote:
Of course, after being consistently rejected hundreds of times, anyone's confidence will erode eventually. And then people show up after that and say og well the problem clearly is that you lack confidence. No, it's not.


Do you always take advice from unenlightened people?
"Curious".

dorkseid wrote:
A friend of mine whom I've known for close to 20 years has confirmed to me that I did not lack confidence in my undergrad years. Yet I still never could get a girlfriend even back then. My problems have nothing to do with a lack of confidence. Nobody wants me because I'm an unlovable autistic freak.


I was "an autistic unlovable freak", yet I was approached on a number of occasions, in my younger days.
But I had lost a lot of weight, at the time.
Were you overweight in those years?

Most relationships are rather superficial, hence the need to get into reasonable shape to improve your chances.


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