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Twilightprincess
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28 May 2022, 2:49 pm

How do you deal with this situation - being flirted with and asked out by a colleague?

How do you keep it from getting awkward? I bump into this person multiple times a day and don’t want it to be weird.

At least none of my kids will be in his classroom next year unless that changes. (I’m a learning support teacher.) I would still see him multiple times a day, though, based on the position of his room in relation to mine.


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hurtloam
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28 May 2022, 3:52 pm

The more time that passes the less weird it gets. It will maybe be a bit weird at first, but eventually you'll get back to normal. That's been my experience anyway.



kraftiekortie
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28 May 2022, 6:08 pm

Sure it could be awkward….and it’s not fair for you.

Certainly, don’t give in to the pressure and go on even a “friendship” date with him if he has expressed some sort of romantic/sexual interest in you.



IsabellaLinton
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28 May 2022, 6:15 pm

Assuming you aren't interested, just be honest and say you aren't interested. It doesn't have to be different than if you met him somewhere else. If you feel like you need to give a reason you can add that you aren't looking for a relationship or you don't want to date anyone from work, but you aren't obliged to give a reason and it doesn't need to be awkward.

Chances are he asks out quite a few people, and he may even have a partner by next school year.



Twilightprincess
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28 May 2022, 6:54 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Sure it could be awkward….and it’s not fair for you.

Certainly, don’t give in to the pressure and go on even a “friendship” date with him if he has expressed some sort of romantic/sexual interest in you.


I’m not very likely to. I’m just feeling uncomfortable. It’s at least somewhat related to PTSD. Of course, I have social anxiety anyway.

That teacher has caused me anxiety and frustration this year because he’s a jerk to one of my students. I’ve had to maneuver that situation with tact.


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Twilightprincess
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28 May 2022, 6:56 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
Assuming you aren't interested, just be honest and say you aren't interested. It doesn't have to be different than if you met him somewhere else. If you feel like you need to give a reason you can add that you aren't looking for a relationship or you don't want to date anyone from work, but you aren't obliged to give a reason and it doesn't need to be awkward.

Chances are he asks out quite a few people, and he may even have a partner by next school year.


He may have exhausted all local possibilities and will need to look farther afield.

And he’d probably be considered an “alpha.” :P He shoots cute and cuddly critters for fun.


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Last edited by Twilightprincess on 28 May 2022, 7:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Twilightprincess
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28 May 2022, 7:04 pm

hurtloam wrote:
The more time that passes the less weird it gets. It will maybe be a bit weird at first, but eventually you'll get back to normal. That's been my experience anyway.


Yeah, you’re probably right.


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KimD
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28 May 2022, 7:52 pm

You might want to read up on your district's sexual harassment policies.

I wouldn't worry about avoiding "awkwardness" if what he's doing is prohibited! Don't put up with it!!



Twilightprincess
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28 May 2022, 8:09 pm

KimD wrote:
You might want to read up on your district's sexual harassment policies.

I wouldn't worry about avoiding "awkwardness" if what he's doing is prohibited! Don't put up with it!!


I really don’t think it’d be considered harassment. It was sort of weird when he started flirting with me and asking me personal questions when we were in the midst of an important, professional conversation about a student.

Still, it wasn’t harassment.


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The Grand Inquisitor
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28 May 2022, 11:21 pm

The best thing to do is probably give off disinterested signals and hope he gets the message. If he keeps bothering you, a more direct rejection may be necessary. If he keeps bothering you after that, you'll probably need to report him.



Twilightprincess
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01 Jun 2022, 8:06 pm

It turns out that he’s married and still with his wife. 8O

Curiouser and curiouser.


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kraftiekortie
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01 Jun 2022, 8:32 pm

At least you know that.



rse92
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02 Jun 2022, 12:14 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
It turns out that he’s married and still with his wife. 8O

Curiouser and curiouser.


Actually makes things a lot simpler, doesn't it? Tell him you don't date workplace colleagues. If he won't take no for an answer, tell him you were hoping not to be blunt, but you do not date married men, period full stop.



kraftiekortie
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02 Jun 2022, 12:25 pm

If he's told you he's married, tell him you don't date married men.

If he hasn't told you, just tell him you don't date workplace colleagues.

Similar to what RSE has said.



IsabellaLinton
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02 Jun 2022, 1:22 pm

Lots of married men flirt and have affairs whether they are emotional affairs or physical.

(Same with married women, sadly.)


I’d tell him to stop. Put it in writing if you need to. Keep notes of anything creepy that he does. If he persists let your union know about it, and file a grievance.



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02 Jun 2022, 1:35 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
How do you deal with this situation - being flirted with and asked out by a colleague?
The few times it happened I suspected trickery, and declined their invitations.  About half of those (female) coworkers later filed harassment charges against the (male) coworkers whom they had dated in this way.  Some people are just plain mean.