is beauty in the eye of the beholder ?

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These are the key issues. But the problem is that we
are speaking in English, which is incapable of properly
handling subjective reasoning. It, like most of our thinking,
is based upon some self-important model, which says that
OUR OWN subjective reality is clearly related to the objective
truth (presuming such a thing). Thus, ANY statement that someone
makes is so fraught with fallacy as to be meaningless.

I remember I read this here on WP, don't remember where exactly, that how beautiful we see someone it depends on how we like that person, and I agree.

It happened to me a few times, that I fall in love (or have a crush to be more precise) with a girl who is nice and a lovely person, and I get attracted to her physically, but I believe her personality is the most influencial thing for me to even see her as the most beautiful girl for me, well at least that way have been for me, to a certain degree I suppose.

I think I've come to the point of realizing one thing between aspie guys and women in general, I think for a lot of us to feel comfortable with a woman and feel like we're talking to someone who we can trust she has to have a sense of humor about life and about people; to me that lack of negativity is probably the most important display of beauty that most guys here could see.

Likewise, a beautiful person gets ugly really fast if his or her behavior is deeply repulsive to us.

Sense of humour is a must, but it doesn't necessarily equate with lack of negativity.

Depressing, boring negativity is a no-go, but snarky is beautiful.

Well, ya. When I see a girl with a beautiful body, that's all I know: her body is beautiful. So what? It tells me nothing of if she herself is a beautiful person. So I'm really not impressed enough by physicality to interact with someone on that basis.

LePetitPrince you are probably right, to some extent I guess but it seems really more complex than that. There are so many theories; I'm getting fed up with reading them. Like there are cultural norms, in parts of Africa the men actually like women that are bigger. The theorists say that is because they are attracted to fertile women. So that would imply that else ware men are less interested in fertile women??? Some one already mentioned the symmetry thing. There are also theories that say people tend to end up with a partner of similar attractiveness. Thing is I don't really know how attractive I am. I can't tell if I'm ugly or not. I haven’t had success, but missed some opportunities. I really don't have a clue what I look like to other people. I've been called both ugly and good looking, it is pretty confusing.

So I would guess there are some cultural ideals that are changing through time, there are also sub cultures as well. Then on top of that people put their own preferences, from personality, experience, etc.

sorry guys but i don't agree with most of your blabla .

Humans are very complex animals. If we only had a few thousand neurons then maybe you could say this is like this and that is like that. But then we wouldn't even be on the internet discussing it.

^^ humans are complex animals ...but they are animals after all =P

Only your own?

That's understandable. We tend to
get so fixated and stubborn about
our ideas, that 'tis hard to see another
way. No matter how wrong we might be.

True but animals vary a great deal. A simple bug will have a much more set behaviour, there is much more hard wiring in the brain, fewer neurons, sense and awareness. Some animals wouldn't even know if they are too hot. So if you heat up the area around them they wouldn't move out of it, they would just die. They are dependent on the right conditions for their set behaviour, they cannot adapt except through the slow course of evolution. Human brain has about one hundred billion neurons, very little is hard wired. The more intelligent animals are, the more awareness they have and the more they have different personalities. Don't get me wrong I think our primal instincts have a bigger influence than some like to believe. Things like cultural things are because we have a huge world population that is why we need civilisation, which is a very adaptive behaviour.

I can very well relate to that. What good are looks if the two don't ever really fiz and get along? My ex wife was quite a looker -but look where that all ended up

OTOH I've been on an outing with a girl who is nothing dazzling by any means physically but I noticed in her a lot of things I like to see if I was in a steady relationship with her besides there being lots of common interest. If that trend keeps up, this girl and I could become an item pretty soon

Scientifically beauty is NOT in the eye of the beholder. To believe so is just romantic thinking. Beauty reflex good health and good fertility. Especially in the case of woman who lose their ability to have children as they age. Part of the reason why older woman have it harder dating. Its not rocket surgery.

I've always thought I was a bit odd... from a personal standpoint, I rarely see what someone looks like until they start talking. To me it winds up being a thing of boring vs. interesting. My boyfriend the other day asked me why I am with him if I always feel so detached.

Well, he is very intellectually stimulating when he speaks. I feel detached with him just as I do anyone else. I rarely see what somebody looks like before they speak-it happens ever so often. When I see someone that it typically considered "attractive", my first thought it "that person looks interesting". But it doesn't mean I want to get to know them in any way, shape or form usually. I also do this with average or typically "unattractive" people.

I've had very few female friends, but the ones I do tend to talk about guys a lot. While they are saying "that guy has a nice face" or "that guy has a nice butt", I'm sitting there asking "what exactly makes you say that? ...because I don't get it."

Aspies in general do not have good sense of humour. Generally, people who have good social manipulative and showman skills have good sense of humour. I did also hear man with good sense of humour are less trustworthy.