Love on the Spectrum: US edition

Post Reply New Topic

If by baggage you mean trauma due to prior abuse or bullying, not all autistic women, at least, have such baggage. Sharnae on the Australian LOTS and Dani on the US version don't seem to have any such baggage. I had a girlfriend who was probably autistic who didn't seem to either, and I was with her a couple of years so I think I'd know, although I wonder why she didn't suffer from bullying in HS as some of her behavior was quite odd and she was primarily a loner except for boyfriends.

Oh I see. But wouldn't autistic guys like this kind of baggage in a woman from their past because it would mean that they would be more relatable to them in a sense?

The point I am making is that the idea of a quirky cute autistic girl isn't the issue. The meltdowns, extreme sensitivity, intolerance to sensory triggers etc are not something one would seek in a mate.That's the potential baggage I am referring to . Likewise autistic girls/women don't want similar issues such as hygiene, anger management etc in a mate.

What type of meltdowns or extreme sensitivity specifically? It seems that everyone is extremely sensitive nowadays...?

Yes that's true. But wanting to date a person on the spectrum (just because you are on the spectrum) doesn't always take into account that they might have difficulties that are more challenging to cope with in a relationship than an NT partner.

Oh okay, but I thought that a partner on the spectrum might be more forgiving because if they have the same challenges as you, than they would accept those challenges more than an NT person. In the past, NT women were not accepting of those challenges, so I thought someone else would be if they have the same challenges.

Well here is a perspective I have...like if two people have to many simular weaknesses it could end up being like when you try to press two magnents together on the side where they don't stick. Like for me if I had a partner with all the same exact problems I had it would be hard to make it work. Like I'd do my best to be understanding but my frusteration would set in and probably wreck things. Like to me it is good my boyfriend is different from me in various ways...of course we have some similarities but like if he was just a male version of me, no way our relationship would have worked out. Cause like idk sometimes when I get stuck on something negative he can sort of help me get out of it...but if I was with someone exactly like me but male, they probably would end up feeding into the negativity rather than encouraging me to let go of some of it, and move on a bit. LIke they would join me in the gloom rather than encouraging me to move on from it.

So it was never really I would for sure not even consider a fellow autistic, more I wouldn't want someone that has the exact same struggles since I feel like it would make it hard to get it to go anywhere if we struggle with the exact same things. But also its because I struggle with initiating interactions and sometimes want to say something but am too embarrassed or have a hard time getting the word out...so like it helps if I have a partner that can sort of pull me out of my shell a bit....rather than a partner that would just climb into the shell with me or into their own shell if a awkward conversation comes up. But I think my boyfriend does his best to understand me even though he does not totally relate to everything I have gone through.

but yeah if I got with an aspie exactly like me I would have done my best to be forgiving but yeah eventually things that bother me about them would set in, and then it for sure would not work out.

I mean sure me and my boyfriend have struggles, like it gets hot and we only have the sort of AC unit you get in like a motel room for our entire two bedroom apartment but the fan is loud on it. So we have to compromise a bit on turning it off when it has just been too noisey for a while to get a break and then I also have to just kind of deal with sensory issues to keep it going long enough to get our place cool. It sucks for sure but my boyfriend comes home from working out in the heat all day so he needs to cool off, but for me that fan can be very loud and unpleasant...though if I smoke a bit of weed I don't care as much about the noise it makes. LIke he knows I have sensory issues, but some of my sensory issues are kind of unreasonable....and sometimes there is not a good way to accommodate them. But yeah I cannot up and leave my boyfriend because sometimes I get irritated by him chewing for instance...but that i not even an issue specifically about him it is just sometimes my brain zones into gross noises people make when eating and then I cannot unfocus on it. So it is like one of those things, where it would be rude to be like 'chew better' because the person is not actually chewing wrong I am just mentally cringing about the eating sounds(chances are I make just as much if not worse eating noises myself). so perhaps I have a sensory issue with chewing sounds...but that is not something I can reasonably put on my boyfriend to correct because of my sensory issue. And that is what I hate some sensory issues I have are about things people cannot reallly control and it makes me feel like such an A**hole to be irritated by those things.

Those are good points there for sure . Thank you for your input. So if it's more realistic for some people who have ASD to date NT people for points like that, why don't people on this show do that then rather than ASD people dating ASD people only?

I liked that guy to, i mean seems like such a great person and has a kind of Eeyore voice, but he seems so like sweet and genuine I do hope he finds love. i just don't understand how he comes of so like seemingly happy even though his sitauation has not been great. LIke seems he really tries to keep the positive perspective and certainly has not fell down the red pill hole.

Well one of the autistic woman on the show, seems to have done well with a first date with an NT, and like he was super understaning that she had autism and did not seem to judge her for it. but yeah i am not sure why people are just ignoring the character that got with an NT and puttng forth the narrative that there is no representatin whatsoever for an autistic who gets with an NT...but errr what about the autistic girl on the show that did exactly that, like why are people ignoring that part of the show...? Maybe they just assumed the meet up she went to was autistic only, but yeah just saying that woman got going on dates with a straight neurotypical guy, and that guy seemed to like her back regardless of her autism. People keep saying it only shows low fucntioning people getting with simular level people, but so are they just ignoring the autistic girl on the show who landed herself some dates with an NT?

But also miss buisiness seems like kind of a jerk, even if she doesn't realize she is being one...like good god her breaking up call to that guy was jsut terrible and seemed like she didn't even want to do it but had skewed views that because he did not also already have an animation commpany as successful as hers and may not even have as much of an obsession as she does and that was why she broke it off. I just feel like maybe her aunt and uncle cold have gently tried to explain she was being kind of unreasonable rather than egging her on to straight break up when perhap she could have talked deeper on some things with him to make that desicion but seemed it was kind of rash...and will she actually avoid acting like she totallly fell for the guy next time to avoid making them feel led on like she did to that poor man. Or will it be she jumps into everyyone with 'oh you're so hott and I love you and wil enjoy the nice date you set up just to tell you how I have been having second thoughts since our first meeting you are not the right one because you don't have the same business as me. Like I think that girl has some growing up to do.

Like her aunt and uncle even impied she could for sure just stay friends with they guy, but with how distarught he seemed on the break up call...I am not so sure he will want to see her again let alone be friends with the girl who broke his heart. He might for sure just prefer to move forward without any future contact from her at all like idk she had no comprehension of like well after you broke his heart he may not want to still hang out as friends. So just seemd kind of naive for her aunt and unle not to tell her it is more likey he will never want to see her again after this, rather than just egging on like 'yeah you can still be friends.' like I just have a feeling that poor guy will not want to stay friends with her.

Last edited by Sweetleaf on 17 Jun 2022, 1:17 am, edited 1 time in total.

^^^ You put it better than I could have.

Look you make some good points. But it really depends on your potential ASD partner's flexibility with your social deficits. From what I have seen on this forum, more of the women are in relationships with NT men on WP than the other way around.

i mean I went on a couple dates with someone who was a lot like me, and that is how it ended up feeling, like neither one of us was comfortable enough to make the first move towards anything so it fizzeled out like on our last getting together he was the one who said like he had enjoyed our dates but didn't feel a connection and I also did not feel a connection with him so we just kind of mutually agreed we should move on. But yeah I think it was because we were just too simular and so there was nowhere for it to go, and we both admitted to feeling that way so that was the end of our dates.

You hit the nail on the head. If the only reason you like somebody is because they are also autistic then you are taking a massive risk.

It's like adding a list of criteria to your potential partner before you meet them, It just lowers the odds.

That's interesting. Are more autistic women accepting of NT partners than the other way around therefore?

Maybe because lower functioning individuals are more likely to struggle with dating.

Iv'e noticed that most of the people on the show are average/below average looking in appearance. Which makes sense because good looking high functioning individuals are less likely to struggle with dating, hence why would they need help?