PSA: You aren't single for the reason you think!
Mitchell M.
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 5 Jul 2022
Age: 21
Gender: Male
Posts: 55
Location: United States
Am I the only one who is tired of hearing the same tired discussion about dating and autism.
"Oh the neurotypicals have it so much better than autistics in terms of looks, no girl would ever want to date me"
or
"Autistic people are 50% never dated at age 40, its over"
This kind of stuff really pissed me off because for the most part dating is about exposure. Now I'll admit I don't know where on earth to meet people, but I genuinely think that people on these sites have got it all wrong. As someone who was diagnosed with Aspergers when I was a child, I was sent to a special-ed school (almost all males, of course) where I simply wasn't able to grow up talking to women. After you are an adult, it is assumed that you already have practice making friends, and I SERIOUSLY don't know where on earth people hang out. I think this is the case for a lot of people on the spectrum, and I am tired of people talking about dating with such anti-autistic and anti-women sentiment. It is probably not because you are "ugly", nerdy, awkward, or weird, it is because you were kept from society. Does anyone else agree with me?
nick007
Veteran

Joined: 4 May 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 26,727
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in the police state called USA
I agree that not meeting people can be a major factor as to some of us being single but there are lots of other potential factors as well. There are also reasons we tend to avoid society. Lots of us were majorly bullied for our various autism issues & we tend to be misjudged for our autism issues. Even if we constantly try to put ourselves out there, we can still majorly struggle with getting relationships due to others having negative opinions about us. There's some Aspies on this forum who regularly try to get out there & meet people but they still struggle majorly with getting a relationship. I think instead of simply going to places our NT peers typically go, we should try to figure out where to meet people who would be more compatible & accepting of us. For example I met my 2nd & then my current girlfriend on this forum.
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Mitchell M.
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 5 Jul 2022
Age: 21
Gender: Male
Posts: 55
Location: United States
nick007
Veteran

Joined: 4 May 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 26,727
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in the police state called USA
_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
"Hear all, trust nothing"
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition
They say the simplest explanation is usually the best.
It makes sense that people with a condition that impairs social skills will struggle more with dating on average.
Given that men are expected to take a more proactive role in courtship than women, and one's ability to be successful in that more proactive role largely hinges on one's social skills, it makes sense that autistic men tend to struggle more with finding partners.
What you've said about difficulty breaking into the social scene is also true, especially with few good ways to meet people, and people increasingly looking at screens all day and not going outside.
I would argue that both of these factors work together to make it extremely difficult for those of us on the spectrum who aren't socially well-connected to start dating, or even make friends.
nick007
Veteran

Joined: 4 May 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 26,727
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in the police state called USA

_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
"Hear all, trust nothing"
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition
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