Can someone help me figure out why she blocked me?

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robo37
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11 Jul 2022, 8:33 am

Hey all,

I've been really struggling lately because my closest friend who've I've had a crush on for 2 years has blocked me out of the blue. I've been digging through our last conversation to figure out what went wrong and really need your guys help.

Here's the chat log. I've blocked out all personal information and all talk of trauma I didn't feel comfortable sharing, but in short I'd just lost my job and she was dealing with trauma from a past relationship.

I start off by asking if she's okay and saying I was worried about her, this was her reply:

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I told her I was relieved she was feeling better and had a proposition for her.

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I asked if she'd ever heard of a particular zoo.

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I told her she was brave for getting through her trauma and offered to take her to the zoo on valentine's day.

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Then I said I was actually proud of her being assertive and offered to send her a gift I had bought for her.

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I told her I did in fact have feelings for her and have had feelings since 2020. Then I asked if she had feelings for me.

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I showed concern at the massive amount of trauma she just opened up to me about and offered to give her my number so she could phone me whenever she was struggling and needed someone to talk to. She didn't reply.

Then I sent her an ecard on Valentine's day, but again she didn't reply.

Lastly after two months of not hearing anything, I sent this.

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I blocked her on all social medias under the assumption she'd agree we needed a break and sympathised with my mental health difficulties, then unblocked her three months later and resent all friend requests. It was then when she blocked me and my heart broke.

Can anyone see where things started to go wrong/she started showing signs of frustration or being upset with me? Or do you think there was something wrong with the Valentine's card or the message I sent before I blocked her?



kraftiekortie
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11 Jul 2022, 8:48 am

I don't sense there's any "reason," really.

Remember: you blocked her, too; maybe this emboldened her to block you as well.

I'm sensing she met someone else, and decided to be exclusive to that person.

I am fortunate, in a sense, that I dated, primarily, before the advent of the Internet. I've been "blocked" in a sense for no good reason as far as people changing their phone numbers are concerned.

I'm sorry this happened to you. I would be hurt, too. I would want "answers," even if there really was no "answer."

But this is not worth doing anything drastic, if such a drastic thing is on your mind.



Joe90
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11 Jul 2022, 9:00 am

If it makes you feel any better I've been blocked (on Facebook) for the most ridiculous of reasons.

One was a guy who was my friend but suddenly blocked me because I was talking to his girlfriend on Facebook. I'm a straight female, in a relationship with a male, and she is my friend and doesn't know herself why he blocked me for talking to her.

Another was a woman co-worker who I was friends with at work. She left the company and then blocked me on Facebook, but when I asked others if she'd blocked them too they said no.

But I don't bother talking about Facebook on WP any more because some of the other members here always have to justify the NT's side rather than just sympathise with me. They'll probably do that to you too, so watch out for a load of "you did totally wrong!!" responses.


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kraftiekortie
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11 Jul 2022, 9:08 am

If people don't want to be my friend----that's their problem!



Fnord
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11 Jul 2022, 9:12 am

robo37 wrote:
Can someone help me figure out why she blocked me?
No.  All anyone can do is speculate.
robo37 wrote:
Can anyone see where things started to go wrong/she started showing signs of frustration or being upset with me?
No.  She was obviously trying to be kind, but she seems to have had no romantic interest in you at all.
robo37 wrote:
Or do you think there was something wrong with the Valentine's card or the message I sent before I blocked her?
Hard to tell.  Sometimes, if romantic feelings are one-sided, the object of those feelings becomes uncomfortable.  This seems to happen most often when the object of those feelings is already in a romantic relationship.  You might be better off to forget about this person and seek a romantic relationship with someone else.



Muse933277
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11 Jul 2022, 9:37 am

Sorry if this sounds like bashing you because I know you're going through some hurt right now, but you went two years without even expressing your feelings for her? I mean two years is a long time; you're incredibly lucky that she wasn't seriously dating anybody else during that time otherwise she'd probably have stopped talking to you sooner.

Hey, you either win or you learn.

And what can you learn from this? Next time, don't wait too long to express your feelings for a girl. If you've hung out a lot already and she always seems eager to talk to you or meet up with you, you should be expressing your interest within two months. Keep it simple; you can simply ask "what are your feelings towards me?" and "are we dating?" If she doesn't like you at all, she'll say something along the lines of I just prefer to be friends or I'm not looking to date right now.

Because in the case that she's either not physically/sexually attracted to you OR she doesn't think you two would be a good fit as romantic partners, now you're no longer wasting your time and you can walk away. You're not going to waste years of your life chasing a girl who was never attracted to you in the first place. There are some women you would never be attracted to right? Well maybe she see's you the same way. That's why expressing your interest relatively early is a good way to determine whether or not she likes you too.



robo37
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11 Jul 2022, 9:42 am

Muse933277 wrote:
Sorry if this sounds like bashing you because I know you're going through some hurt right now, but you went two years without even expressing your feelings for her? I mean two years is a long time; you're incredibly lucky that she wasn't seriously dating anybody else during that time otherwise she'd probably have stopped talking to you sooner.

Hey, you either win or you learn.

And what can you learn from this? Next time, don't wait too long to express your feelings for a girl. If you've hung out a lot already and she always seems eager to talk to you or meet up with you, you should be expressing your interest within two months. Keep it simple; you can simply ask "what are your feelings towards me?" and "are we dating?" If she doesn't like you at all, she'll say something along the lines of I just prefer to be friends or I'm not looking to date right now.

Because in the case that she's either not physically/sexually attracted to you OR she doesn't think you two would be a good fit as romantic partners, now you're no longer wasting your time and you can walk away. You're not going to waste years of your life chasing a girl who was never attracted to you in the first place. There are some women you would never be attracted to right? Well maybe she see's you the same way. That's why expressing your interest relatively early is a good way to determine whether or not she likes you too.


I get what you mean, I really wanted to tell her at the time however up until recently she had a boyfriend and I didn't want to be disrespectful of her relationship.



Muse933277
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11 Jul 2022, 9:53 am

The two most likely reasons why she blocked you. It could be both as well.

1. You expressed your feelings for her but she doesn't feel the same way about you at all. She was perfectly okay with being your friend but moving to anything past platonic made her uncomfortable. This is especially true if you kept pushing and pushing for a romantic relationship even when she's made it clear that she doesn't see you that way.

2. She found someone else and got into a serious relationship with him. She doesn't want to make it seem like she's talking to another guy while she's dating her current boyfriend, hence the reason why she ghosted you or blocked you.



My guess is that it's definitely number 2 and perhaps number 1 as well. Her no longer talking to you because she found a boyfriend actually seems like a pretty realistic scenario and could be the reason why she may have gotten uncomfortable with you expressing romantic interest. Can you check out her profile to see if there's a guy with her?



klanka
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11 Jul 2022, 9:57 am

I cant say why she did what she did , but it sucks. You were there for her and she is not for you.



Muse933277
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11 Jul 2022, 10:01 am

I know this isn't a realistic option for everybody but if you have the means to, you should be talking to and going on dates with multiple women.

Why? Because if you're going out with 2-3 girls, you're more likely to find someone who you're actually compatible with. You're not fixating on just one girl who may or may not even like you. By talking to multiple women, not only do you increase the chances of finding a girl who likes you back, but one you're also compatible with too.

That's why you see guys on online dating sites sending out literally hundreds of messages. Because out of 300 messages sent, maybe 30 respond back, and 5 result in a date. Where's if you just focus on one girl, you're putting all your eggs in one basket and that's never a good thing.



robo37
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11 Jul 2022, 10:01 am

Muse933277 wrote:
The two most likely reasons why she blocked you. It could be both as well.

1. You expressed your feelings for her but she doesn't feel the same way about you at all. She was perfectly okay with being your friend but moving to anything past platonic made her uncomfortable. This is especially true if you kept pushing and pushing for a romantic relationship even when she's made it clear that she doesn't see you that way.

2. She found someone else and got into a serious relationship with him. She doesn't want to make it seem like she's talking to another guy while she's dating her current boyfriend, hence the reason why she ghosted you or blocked you.



My guess is that it's definitely number 2 and perhaps number 1 as well. Her no longer talking to you because she found a boyfriend actually seems like a pretty realistic scenario and could be the reason why she may have gotten uncomfortable with you expressing romantic interest. Can you check out her profile to see if there's a guy with her?


She has her profile set to private so there's no way to tell unfortunately.



Fnord
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11 Jul 2022, 10:03 am

 

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kraftiekortie
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11 Jul 2022, 10:06 am

I would "invest myself" in someone else----unless she happens to contact you again.

Even if she does contact you, I wouldn't "invest myself" totally in her.



Muse933277
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11 Jul 2022, 1:11 pm

robo37 wrote:

I get what you mean, I really wanted to tell her at the time however up until recently she had a boyfriend and I didn't want to be disrespectful of her relationship.




From my experience, when you meet a girl and she’s in a relationship already, you will never wind up dating this girl, even if she breaks up with her boyfriend.

I have never been successful with chasing girls who had boyfriends when I met them but broke up afterwards. And yes I chased them after they broke up with their boyfriend. It’s never worked.

It’s better to meet a girl when she’s currently single and looking, and that 100% comes down to timing.

In fact, you could argue that timing is one of the biggest factors in dating. It’s all about meeting a girl at the right time because if you meet a girl at the WRONG time, well maybe she has a boyfriend, or she’s dating a guy she really likes, or she’s at a stage in her life that she just wants to party and hookup with hot guys. Who knows? So timing is very important



Mona Pereth
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13 Jul 2022, 12:24 am

Muse933277 wrote:
From my experience, when you meet a girl and she’s in a relationship already, you will never wind up dating this girl, even if she breaks up with her boyfriend.

I have never been successful with chasing girls who had boyfriends when I met them but broke up afterwards. And yes I chased them after they broke up with their boyfriend. It’s never worked.

This sounds very odd to me.

It doesn't make sense to me that the mere fact of having known you earlier would be, in and of itself, a reason to say no to you. If anything, it should be a point in your favor.

Maybe you chased them too soon after they broke up with their boyfriends? Or maybe you approached them the wrong way?

How do other women here feel about this?


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robo37
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14 Jul 2022, 7:22 am

After speaking to one of her friends I think I understand what happened now.

Because of trauma from her past relationship she has serious trust issues and it seems like she got the impression I was lying about caring about her feelings and wanting to support her in order to manipulate her into getting into a relationship with me. Then when I blocked her I think she was that as confirmation I was being manipulative.

It's sad because I did genuinely care about her and genuinely thought the block would do us good, but at least I'm more aware of how trauma can affect people now and I hope this helps anyone else know how to approach people dealing with it.