Guys to overprotective of there girlfriends?

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kraftiekortie
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08 Aug 2022, 8:25 am

Of course, not everybody misbehaves when they've been drinking. I absolutely never said everybody does. My mother might have a couple of drinks; this doesn't make her into a whirling dervish.

But misbehaving when drunk is fairly common, probably more common than misbehaving when sober.

They don't call alcohol "liquid courage" for nothing.

Some people can "hold in their liquor"; others cannot.

Legally, if you assault somebody while drunk, you are not found innocent of that assault just because you've been drinking at the time of the assault.

Bars are places where people misunderstand, and get misunderstood, all the time. I stay away from this minefield. They are not places for people with questionable social skills. I learned, very quickly, that bars aren't places for me.



Last edited by kraftiekortie on 08 Aug 2022, 8:40 am, edited 1 time in total.

klanka
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08 Aug 2022, 8:31 am

I think it's our perception of his behaviour yes.

I see it as a man trying to form a relationship with a woman but not knowing how to do it, and making mistakes.

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Most of the time, women wouldn’t speak out about it, so if one has a couple times, it’s probably happened much more than that.


Have to ask the man himself for confirmation on that one.

You're saying that his attitude towards women has to change, what do you think his attitude towards women is?



Twilightprincess
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08 Aug 2022, 8:40 am

Quote:
Have to ask the man himself for confirmation on that one.


Most often women don’t say anything if they’re being stared at, so he wouldn’t know that they knew about it.


klanka wrote:
So you're saying that his attitude towards women has to change, what do you think his attitude towards women is?


Stuff like staring at women (not men) and thinking he should be allowed to talk to women who are on dates, among other things, could suggest a certain amount of entitlement.


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Last edited by Twilightprincess on 08 Aug 2022, 8:44 am, edited 1 time in total.

kraftiekortie
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08 Aug 2022, 8:42 am

The talking to a woman while knowing she's on a date----that's pretty ridiculous.

I would bet that 99 people out of 100 men wouldn't do this.

If I were to do this (of course, I've never done this!), I might earn myself a punch in the face.

I wonder if James actually knew the woman he spoke to was on a date.



Last edited by kraftiekortie on 08 Aug 2022, 8:44 am, edited 1 time in total.

Nades
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08 Aug 2022, 8:44 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
The talking to a woman while knowing she's on a date----that's pretty ridiculous.

I would bet that 99 people out of 100 men wouldn't do this.



The problem is......the thread wasn't about speaking to a woman on a date. It was just a question about whether it's appropriate to speak to a woman when her boyfriend is present which is all together different.

I dunno who made the whole date thing up.



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08 Aug 2022, 8:48 am

Nades wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
The talking to a woman while knowing she's on a date----that's pretty ridiculous.

I would bet that 99 people out of 100 men wouldn't do this.



The problem is......the thread wasn't about speaking to a woman on a date. It was just a question about whether it's appropriate to speak to a woman when her boyfriend is present which is all together different.

I dunno who made the whole date thing up.


It was talking about “nights out.” I think the general implication is a couple having a date at a bar.


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kraftiekortie
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08 Aug 2022, 8:50 am

If the boyfriend is present, and the woman isn't a friend of the guy or if the guy talking isn't a friend of the boyfriend, the guy just shouldn't talk to her out of the blue. It's not appropriate---sort of like some random woman shouldn't go up to a guy while he's obviously with a girlfriend, and talk to him without acknowledging the presence of the girlfriend.

It would be good, in this situation, to at least acknowledge the presence of the boyfriend/girlfriend. Maybe introduce myself to him/her.

Taking to a stranger woman in the presence of the boyfriend would be seen as a challenge by the boyfriend. Most boyfriends wouldn't make much of it, would be classy about it, but would let the stranger guy know in some way that he did an inappropriate thing.



Last edited by kraftiekortie on 08 Aug 2022, 8:53 am, edited 1 time in total.

Twilightprincess
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08 Aug 2022, 8:51 am

Daniel said this:

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If a single person is out alone that's one thing. Being out with a companion is not the same. Casual chat or romantic doesn't matter. You don't chat people up if they are out on a date or with a partner. Just like you wouldn't sit down at someones table and help yourself to their food in a restaurant.


And then Jamesy said that maybe he doesn’t know boundaries.

I think we’re talking about a date here.


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Fnord
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08 Aug 2022, 8:52 am

How long has the OP been trying to chat up, pick up, or hook up with women at the same location?  If more than a few months, then he has likely already gained an uncomplimentary reputation among all the patrons there, thus reducing his chances to less than nil.



Last edited by Fnord on 08 Aug 2022, 8:53 am, edited 1 time in total.

Twilightprincess
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08 Aug 2022, 8:52 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
If the boyfriend is present, and the woman isn't a friend of the guy or if the guy talking isn't a friend of the boyfriend, the guy just shouldn't talk to her out of the blue. It's not appropriate---sort of like some random woman shouldn't go up to a guy while he's obviously with a girlfriend, and talk to him without acknowledging the presence of the girlfriend.

It would be good, in this situation, to at least acknowledge the presence of the boyfriend/girlfriend. Maybe introduce myself to him/her.


The only scenario in which it would be appropriate is if the guy already knew the girl (because she’s a work colleague or something) and was saying hello in passing.


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Twilightprincess
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08 Aug 2022, 8:53 am

Fnord wrote:
How long has the OP been trying to chat up, pick up, or hook up with women at the same location?  If more than a few months, then he has likely already gained an uncomplimentary reputation among the patrons there.


Staring at women probably isn’t helping, either.


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klanka
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08 Aug 2022, 8:54 am

OK so it seems that TwilightPrincess is taking the stance of being protective of said women, whereas I and others don't think they need protection in this case. I think it really comes down to, do you think his behaviour will go more into the 'creepy' territory or away.

I think it will go away as he seems to learn from his mistakes.



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08 Aug 2022, 8:56 am

Twilightprincess wrote:
Fnord wrote:
How long has the OP been trying to chat up, pick up, or hook up with women at the same location? If more than a few months, then he has likely already gained an uncomplimentary reputation among all the patrons there, thus reducing his chances to less than nil.
Staring at women probably isn’t helping, either.
Staring, chatting up someone else's girlfriend, interrupting private conversations, and dodging his turn to buy the next round -- all that would inspire people to decide to avoid him before he even shows up.



kraftiekortie
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08 Aug 2022, 8:56 am

If it's the sort of bar found in NYC----what we call a "dive"---then most of the other male bar patrons are of a similar mindset as James.



Twilightprincess
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08 Aug 2022, 8:59 am

klanka wrote:
OK so it seems that TwilightPrincess is taking the stance of being protective of said women, whereas I and others don't think they need protection in this case. I think it really comes down to, do you think his behaviour will go more into the 'creepy' territory or away.

I think it will go away as he seems to learn from his mistakes.


Just because someone’s behavior is creepy doesn’t mean that they can’t learn from it, as I’ve already stated in this thread.

I’m not being protective of women. I just think that awareness and understanding could go a long way. If people don’t want to make women uncomfortable, then they can…stop making women uncomfortable.


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kraftiekortie
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08 Aug 2022, 9:00 am

A guy who is a stranger to both the woman and the boyfriend shouldn't come up to them out of the blue. He definitely shouldn't "chat up" the woman. That would be an insult to the guy, and probably to the woman, too.

It's really a rather sleazy thing to do. It's not something that most guys would do. I wouldn't do it.