What kind of girls would be attracted to me?

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Hollywood_Guy
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13 Mar 2023, 11:11 pm

Basically the thread title in a nutshell. I have a part-time job (non-service), but I don't have my own place and I don't drive. I also feel disenfranchised by online dating and it made the landscape more brutal and competitive. The issue is that it is becoming the only way people are able to meet today.

I guess I will not be attracting "mainstream" girls, which I don't mind per-se. Even though I don't know if I'm either "mainstream" or non-main.

Another thing is that I myself have a set of personality and look standards, I feel a constant battle to lower my standards and accept never having my original standards satiated and just living with that, or wait patiently and potentially die a virgin, which I don't want either. It's a conundrum.



Mona Pereth
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14 Mar 2023, 3:10 am

Hollywood_Guy wrote:
Basically the thread title in a nutshell. I have a part-time job (non-service), but I don't have my own place

Do you have any hope of changing this situation in the future? If so, do you have a career goal and a plan for achieving it?

Hollywood_Guy wrote:
and I don't drive.

Why? For neurological reasons (likely permanent), or just because you can't afford a car, or for some other reason? Is there any possibility that you will be able to drive in the future?

Alas, most parts of the U.S.A. have crappy (if any) public transportation. Do you live in a city with decent public transportation?

Also, can you ride a bicycle?

Just trying to get more of a feel for your overall situation, both short-term and long-term.

Hollywood_Guy wrote:
I also feel disenfranchised by online dating and it made the landscape more brutal and competitive. The issue is that it is becoming the only way people are able to meet today.

Or so it is perceived by a lot of men. A lot of women still prefer to meet potential partners in other ways, such as being introduced by friends, which is probably the main reason why there is such a shortage of women on dating apps.

For the past few years, COVID has greatly interfered with the possibility of meeting people other ways, but hopefully society is now beginning to recover from pandemic-imposed isolation.

Hollywood_Guy wrote:
I guess I will not be attracting "mainstream" girls, which I don't mind per-se. Even though I don't know if I'm either "mainstream" or non-main.

Another thing is that I myself have a set of personality and look standards, I feel a constant battle to lower my standards and accept never having my original standards satiated and just living with that, or wait patiently and potentially die a virgin, which I don't want either. It's a conundrum.

Only you can decide which of your standards are truly non-negotiable vs. which are just preferences.

EDIT: The main issue I see here is that you are thinking of your standards in terms of "higher" vs. "lower" instead of, say, "narrower" vs. "wider." To me this suggests that your standards are based primarily on some external, totally-ordered, societal scale of desirability, rather than being based on your own personal idiosyncrasies.

Question: Are your standards pretty much the same as everyone else's, or are they different in any significant way?

(It is in some ways advantageous to have standards that are different from everyone else's, because that would put you in less competition with everyone else.)


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Fnord
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14 Mar 2023, 4:53 am

Suggested list of 7 "Standards" (in no particular order):

• She has no criminal record.
• She has no dependents or dependencies.
• She is employable and employed.
• She is healthy and whole in both mind and body.
• She is intelligent and educated.
• She is within a year or two of your age.
• She likes you as a person.

Mind you, these are just suggestions, and not a checklist -- not an "all or nothing" set of standards.  It is, however, based on qualities I found in my wife.

Now, if your standards are set on an impossibly proportioned woman with lots of money and few morals, then you may be setting yourself up for being stuck in your current status quo.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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14 Mar 2023, 4:57 am

Fnord wrote:
Suggested list of 7 "Standards" (in no particular order):

• She has no criminal record.
• She has no dependents or dependencies.
• She is employable and employed.
• She is healthy and whole in both mind and body.
• She is intelligent and educated.
• She is within a year or two of your age.
• She likes you as a person.

Mind you, these are just suggestions, and not a checklist -- not an "all or nothing" set of standards.  It is, however, based on qualities I found in my wife.

Now, if your standards are set on an impossibly proportioned woman with lots of money and few morals, then you may be setting yourself up for being stuck in your current status quo.


My girlfriend is all that except point 2, she's single mom of 2 teens, which I don't mind. To be realistic, it's hard to find women my age with no children.



Fnord
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14 Mar 2023, 5:03 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Suggested list of 7 "Standards" (in no particular order):

• She has no criminal record.
• She has no dependents or dependencies.
• She is employable and employed.
• She is healthy and whole in both mind and body.
• She is intelligent and educated.
• She is within a year or two of your age.
• She likes you as a person.

Mind you, these are just suggestions, and not a checklist -- not an "all or nothing" set of standards.  It is, however, based on qualities I found in my wife.

Now, if your standards are set on an impossibly proportioned woman with lots of money and few morals, then you may be setting yourself up for being stuck in your current status quo.
My girlfriend is all that except point 2, she's single mom of 2 teens, which I don't mind. To be realistic, it's hard to find women my age with no children.
Like I said, this is not an "All or Nothing" checklist.

I would hazard a guess that for most men, maybe 4 out of 7 would be enough for them.

(BTW, congrats on finding your girlfriend!)


:D


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The_Face_of_Boo
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14 Mar 2023, 6:20 am

Fnord wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Suggested list of 7 "Standards" (in no particular order):

• She has no criminal record.
• She has no dependents or dependencies.
• She is employable and employed.
• She is healthy and whole in both mind and body.
• She is intelligent and educated.
• She is within a year or two of your age.
• She likes you as a person.

Mind you, these are just suggestions, and not a checklist -- not an "all or nothing" set of standards.  It is, however, based on qualities I found in my wife.

Now, if your standards are set on an impossibly proportioned woman with lots of money and few morals, then you may be setting yourself up for being stuck in your current status quo.
My girlfriend is all that except point 2, she's single mom of 2 teens, which I don't mind. To be realistic, it's hard to find women my age with no children.
Like I said, this is not an "All or Nothing" checklist.

I would hazard a guess that for most men, maybe 4 out of 7 would be enough for them.

(BTW, congrats on finding your girlfriend!)


:D


Thanks, I haven't been single though since 2017. lol



DuckHairback
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14 Mar 2023, 8:49 am

Suggested list of 1 standard (in no particular order):

*You like her

Seriously, dump your arbitrary list of 'standards'. It's part of the problem. Look out for people you feel attracted to - not only sexually attracted to, people who make you feel happy, people who make you laugh, people you can have a conversation with. These can be quite rare people. Attraction can develop over time, it doesn't have to be instant. This is not 'lowering your standards' it's growing up. Start with having girls as friends. You'll quickly find that many couldn't give a crap if you have no car, aren't driven by your career, look a bit funny or live with your parents.

Many girls are just damn cool. Start with liking them for themselves instead of whether they tick your boxes and maybe they'll do you the same courtesy.


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ProfessorJohn
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14 Mar 2023, 10:11 am

I have had luck with women who are more than 2 years away from my age. One was 9 years younger than me. My wife is 4 years older than me. Age differences seem to become less important the older that we get. Obviously if you are 20 you don't want to be dating a girl 9 years younger than you!



Hollywood_Guy
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14 Mar 2023, 1:23 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
Why? For neurological reasons (likely permanent), or just because you can't afford a car, or for some other reason? Is there any possibility that you will be able to drive in the future?

Alas, most parts of the U.S.A. have crappy (if any) public transportation. Do you live in a city with decent public transportation?

Also, can you ride a bicycle?

Just trying to get more of a feel for your overall situation, both short-term and long-term.


My parents are just recommending that I don't drive because they say there are too many accidents today and it's too dangerous. My parents (well, my mom in particular) are a little worried about that, even though they are pretty chill on other things. I have not driven or had a permit before, I wanted to on and off over the years but blew off.

I do hope to get my own place soon or with room mates within the next 2 years at latest. I plan to stay where I am in my career at least for now, I might choose to do something else a year or two down the line. Another great concern I have is the economy today jeopardizing it or making it more difficult to attain than it needs to be.



Hollywood_Guy
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14 Mar 2023, 1:28 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Suggested list of 7 "Standards" (in no particular order):

• She has no criminal record.
• She has no dependents or dependencies.
• She is employable and employed.
• She is healthy and whole in both mind and body.
• She is intelligent and educated.
• She is within a year or two of your age.
• She likes you as a person.

Mind you, these are just suggestions, and not a checklist -- not an "all or nothing" set of standards.  It is, however, based on qualities I found in my wife.

Now, if your standards are set on an impossibly proportioned woman with lots of money and few morals, then you may be setting yourself up for being stuck in your current status quo.


My girlfriend is all that except point 2, she's single mom of 2 teens, which I don't mind. To be realistic, it's hard to find women my age with no children.


Yep, exactly. Even in high school and those in 20s who were "technically unmarried" I can name a few fingers or slightly more women who got impregnated or had children.



Muse933277
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14 Mar 2023, 3:34 pm

If you're attractive and at least a 7/10, there will be women who are willing to go out with you. As long as you're attractive, there will always be people that are willing to overlook your flaws, even if you don't have your life completely together. It's sad but true.

On the other hand, if you're not attractive and even worse, you're below average looking, I am going to be honest with you, not a lot of women will be willing to date you. An ugly autistic man who can't drive, lives with his parents, and works a crappy low paying job is simply not attractive to most women.

If being unattractive applies to you, you have three options:


Option 1: You significantly lower your standards and be willing to date women who are more on your level. That means dating women who they themselves are not very desirable.

Option 2: You improve yourself in whatever way possible. You go to college, get an education, get a full time job, move out of your parents house, get a gym membership, and start dressing up nicer. You do all of this to increase your value to the opposite sex and therefore, you're more likely to attract the women who you want.

Option 3: This is the less conventional route but for some men, it's highly effective. You go to a foreign third world country where american men are highly sought after and you date a girl here instead. You get a prettier girlfriend than you would get back home, but there's always the chance that she's just using you for a green card.



The choice is yours. Choose wisely.



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14 Mar 2023, 7:34 pm

Muse933277 wrote:
If you're attractive and at least a 7/10, there will be women who are willing to go out with you. As long as you're attractive, there will always be people that are willing to overlook your flaws, even if you don't have your life completely together. It's sad but true.

On the other hand, if you're not attractive and even worse, you're below average looking, I am going to be honest with you, not a lot of women will be willing to date you. An ugly autistic man who can't drive, lives with his parents, and works a crappy low paying job is simply not attractive to most women.

If being unattractive applies to you, you have three options:


Option 1: You significantly lower your standards and be willing to date women who are more on your level. That means dating women who they themselves are not very desirable.

Option 2: You improve yourself in whatever way possible. You go to college, get an education, get a full time job, move out of your parents house, get a gym membership, and start dressing up nicer. You do all of this to increase your value to the opposite sex and therefore, you're more likely to attract the women who you want.

Option 3: This is the less conventional route but for some men, it's highly effective. You go to a foreign third world country where american men are highly sought after and you date a girl here instead. You get a prettier girlfriend than you would get back home, but there's always the chance that she's just using you for a green card.



The choice is yours. Choose wisely.


It's okay and thanks for being honest. I am also below-average height (5'7-5'8 area) and I don't think I am at a 7, at most slightly below that. You are probably right about me being unattractive to most women, which influenced the way I phrased the thread title. I know exceptions exist to the rule, so maybe a couple times I will happen to just luck out. I haven't been openly told I was ugly either.

I will probably try advice regardless, especially a combo of 1 and 2, don't know about 3, and then, by "foreign" are you excluding Europe? I am most attracted to Western and Eastern European women, so I just asked because of that.

How old are you if you don't mind me asking? If you are saying this as someone with experience over 40 I am more inclined to take it as truer.

I still think 1 kind of sucks though since I feel forced to lower my own standards anyway, but short-term I can endure. I read that even in third-world foreign countries it's slowly becoming the same.



Fnord
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14 Mar 2023, 8:00 pm

Fnord wrote:
Suggested list of 7 "Standards" (in no particular order):

• She has no criminal record.
• She has no dependents or dependencies.
• She is employable and employed.
• She is healthy and whole in both mind and body.
• She is intelligent and educated.
• She is within a year or two of your age.
• She likes you as a person.

Mind you, these are just suggestions, and not a checklist -- not an "all or nothing" set of standards.  It is, however, based on qualities I found in my wife.

Now, if your standards are set on an impossibly proportioned woman with lots of money and few morals, then you may be setting yourself up for being stuck in your current status quo.
I should also point out that these apply to YOU as well.

• You have no criminal record.
• You have no dependents or dependencies.
• You are employable and employed.
• You are healthy and whole in both mind and body
• You are intelligent and educated.
• You are within a year or two of her age.
• You like her as a person.


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16 Mar 2023, 3:00 pm

Hollywood_Guy wrote:
Another thing is that I myself have a set of personality and look standards, I feel a constant battle to lower my standards and accept never having my original standards satiated and just living with that, or wait patiently and potentially die a virgin, which I don't want either. It's a conundrum.


Interesting, I was nearly cancelled for saying the same thing.

Yes we all have standards but it's impolite nowadays to mention these. When you reach a certain age then the number of fish left in the pond that you can choose invariably starts to dwindle. Then it's not a question of "should I drop my standards" it's more a question of "which standards do I drop".



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16 Mar 2023, 3:02 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
My girlfriend is all that except point 2, she's single mom of 2 teens, which I don't mind. To be realistic, it's hard to find women my age with no children.


Way to go Idaho!!



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17 Mar 2023, 8:59 am

You are 31. You have a part time job. You live at home and you do not drive. You have high standards in the type of women you are attracted to.

I expect you already know the answer to your question. And you already know the way to change that answer is a strict and immediate regimen of self-improvement. It's up to you.