Is the majority of NT males that never have girlfriend, gay?

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What do you think?
Possibility 1 5%  5%  [ 1 ]
Possibility 2 14%  14%  [ 3 ]
Possibility 3 5%  5%  [ 1 ]
Possibility 4 5%  5%  [ 1 ]
Possibility 5 10%  10%  [ 2 ]
Possibility 6 19%  19%  [ 4 ]
Possibility 7 19%  19%  [ 4 ]
Possibility 8 24%  24%  [ 5 ]
Total votes : 21

QFT
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22 Sep 2022, 3:40 pm

I am just wondering whether people would assume I am gay because I never had a girlfriend.

I can think of the following possibilities:

Possibility 1: The majority of NT men who never have a girlfriend are gay. And so people suspect I am gay

Possibility 2: The majority of NT men who never have a girlfriend are gay. But since people see that I have bad social skills, they realize that, in my particular case, I don't have a girlfriend probably because of bad social skills. And, therefore, they don't assume I am gay.

Possibility 3: The majority of NT men who never have a girlfriend are gay. But my specific personality contradicts common gay stereotypes. For example, a lot of gay men are neat, into fashion, etc. I am the opposite to that. And so people don't assume I am gay.

Possibility 4: The majority of NT men who never have a girlfriend are not gay. But those straight men are at least trying to flirt (although unsuccessfully). In my case I am not even trying. So, due to this, people might suspect I am gay

Possibility 5: The majority of NT men who never have a girlfriend are not gay. But in my case I have other characteristics that make me look gay: I don't drink, I am not into guns, etc. Due to this, people might suspect I am gay

Possibility 6: The majority of NT men who never have a girlfriend are not gay. And, therefore, people don't think I am gay

Possibility 7: People probably assume I am asexual

Possibility 8: Other (specify)



klanka
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22 Sep 2022, 4:08 pm

Its possible, especially the older people who found getting married easy might assume that. Younger people would probably understand more.

But they might just assume that you were not able to get a girlfriend.



kraftiekortie
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23 Sep 2022, 5:48 am

They probably won’t automatically assume that you’re gay.



rse92
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23 Sep 2022, 10:53 am

Possibility: People probably assume that you are able to attract neither a girlfriend nor a boyfriend and therefore it is irrelevant to them.



Mitchell M.
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23 Sep 2022, 11:57 am

This is not to be rude QFT, but are you a virgin? Never kissed? Or just never dated.



DanielW
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23 Sep 2022, 12:11 pm

I don't think many people would think someone was gay just because they haven't been seen dating. I know plenty of NT folks who keep their private lives private. A person doesn't usually bring a girlfriend or a boyfriend around family or friends until they have been dating for a while. I don't think I've ever brought someone to meet my parents - I don't think I would.



rse92
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23 Sep 2022, 1:05 pm

The answer to the question you pose in the title of your post is No.

If you are really asking do most people think a male (neurotypical or otherwise) is gay because he has never had a girlfriend, the answer is probably if he is a good looking guy and otherwise No.



CockneyRebel
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23 Sep 2022, 3:26 pm

I think that there are many reasons that a typical male would have never had a girlfriend.


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23 Sep 2022, 6:49 pm

@ OP: This is not to be rude as well, but what qualities in a potential partner
do you desire the most?


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Fnord
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23 Sep 2022, 7:24 pm

@QFT: This is also not to be rude, but what qualities do you have that could attract a woman (besides being a single male), and that you could contribute to a relationship?


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cyberdad
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23 Sep 2022, 7:44 pm

@QFT

You really need to focus on yourself than worry about NT males. What they do or not do is not going to change your circumstance.



QFT
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23 Sep 2022, 7:49 pm

Mitchell M. wrote:
This is not to be rude QFT, but are you a virgin? Never kissed?


I had girlfriends (see below) but its true that I never had sex with them. Sarah, Andrea and Jennifer were trying to push me to have sex, but I refused, because of my Christian beliefs.

As far as kissing, yes I kissed them. Just didn't have sex.

Its true, though that even with kissing it took a lot of effort on their part to get them to do that. But no, its not due to religious beliefs. Instead, it is because when I was little kid my mom told me that "the reason that you don't eat from other people's plates is that other people's saliva doesn't taste good". Thats why I don't want to kiss: "it doesn't taste good". If she were to tell me about germs, I would likely ignore it (just like right now I go without a mask and not scared of germs). But if "it doesn't taste good", then I can't ignore it, cause its nasty. Now, there are other things that also "don't taste good" according to my mom. Such as milk. But you see, in my case I drank milk, I know how it tastes, and it tastes good. So I disagree with my mom and drink milk. But as far as other people's saliva, I actually don't know how it tastes. So that spooky feeling that "it doesn't taste good" in a way that I can't even point out, that is what ultimately grosses me out.

So anyway, I don't like sex because of religion, and I don't like kissing because "saliva doesn't taste good". So those are two completely separate reasons. Which ironically means that once I do get married I might be more eager to have sex than to kiss. After all sex doesn't involve anything that "doesn't taste good", unless it is oral sex. And no I would never have oral sex, even the thought of it makes me want to throw up.

I did kiss Sarah, Andrea and Jennifer, though. It just took them a really long time to get me comfortable doing it. But I refused to have sex with them -- for religious reasons.

Mitchell M. wrote:
Or just never dated.


Actually I did date: I dated Sarah in 2003--2004, I dated Megan in January and Feburary 2005, I dated Andrea in January and Feburary 2006, I dated Erin and Anita in Spring 2006, I dated Jennifer in 2007--2009, I dated Jacquline on and off in 2009 -- 2011 (but it doesn't count since she was breaking up and coming back every other week), I dated Ginger in 2013--2014, I dated Elizabeth in Spring 2015, I dated Melanie in Fall 2018, I dated Diana in Spring 2020, I dated Wendy in Spring 2021 and I dated Renee in Summer 2022.

However, most of them were long distance. The only ones where I saw the girlfriend regularly were Sarah, Andrea, Jennifer and Melanie. And even Sarah and Andrea only saw me like a couple of days a week since they were 2 hours of drive away. Jennifer and Melanie were in the same town so they saw me every day. As far as Ginger we only saw each other twice, even though the relationship lasted for 2 years. I also saw Erin twice or thrice. With other ones, I never saw them in person at all.

I think it was a big mistake that I didn't bring Jennifer to Bible studies back when I dated her. Because you see, there was a girl named Erica in those Bible studies. No, I never dated her. I ran into her several years later (those Bible studies were in Michigan and I ran onto Erica in New Mexico). Back in Michigan she was single, in New Mexico she is married. In any case, Jennifer broke up with me long before I ever came to New Mexico. But I still tried to mention Jennifer -- as my ex -- to Erica just to make a point that I am datable. She ignored it every time. That makes me think that she assumes that Jennifer was an imaginary girlfriend or something, even though she very much wasn't.

Well, if people assume that Jennifer -- whom I seen every day -- was an imaginary girlfriend, how much more would they assume about all the other girls whom I didn't see at all? Thats why, despite the fact that I had girlfriends, people might assume that I didn't. Well, whether they think I am gay or not, is not based on whether I have actually had girlfriends, but, instead, it is based on whether they assume I did. So since everyone seems to assume I never had a girlfriend, thats why I posed the question the way I did.



Last edited by QFT on 23 Sep 2022, 8:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

QFT
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23 Sep 2022, 8:02 pm

AnonymousAnonymous wrote:
@ OP: This is not to be rude as well, but what qualities in a potential partner
do you desire the most?


I prefer women that are both white and educated. Non-white is a deal breaker, non-educated isn't, because non-educated is something that a woman can change at least in principle.

In fact when I dated my ex-s, who weren't educated, I kept trying to push them to go to college. I never succeeded though. That was part of the reason Melanie and Diana broke up with me -- although not the only reason, and not even the main reason. The main reason is that they felt like I was self-centered in other respects. So if I didn't turn them off in other ways, they would have probably stayed, even if they were to still refuse to go to college. And by the way they both DID do "something" in the direction I pushed them: Melanie started taking online math classes (including set theory, which I found impressive), and Diana applied to universities and actually got admitted into Pittsburgh. But then when other things came up, that made both of them think of me as selfish, they both FIRST dropped their education plans and AFTER THAT broke up with me. When they broke up they did cite my pushing them to get education as one of the reasons. But it wasn't the only one.

The other thing that would be a bonus but not a must is the same religion. Now, as far as Christian, its easy: there are a lot of Christians. But the thing is that I am identifying with specific sects of Christianity: the type that go to church on Saturday instead of Sunday, obstain from pork and see food, and keep Old Testament feasts. In other words, a combination of CHristianity and Judaism: I want them to believe in Jesus but at the same time keep Jewish laws. Some of examples of such sects would be Messianic movement, Seventh Day Adventism, United Church of God and Assembly of Yahweh. I never been to Assembly of Yahweh: I don't drive and they were never anywhere close to where I live. But I been to the other three. I identify myself as Messianic since that is the only one that doesn't believe in modern prophets (I think belief in a modern prophets is a form of heresy; but at the same time I still enjoy attending those churches because of the Old Testament aspect to them).

In any case, I was dating mainstream Christian girls and was trying to get them to keep Old Testament laws. Ginger, Melanie, Diana and Renee cited my attempts to get them to keep Jewish laws as one of the reasons they broke up with me. But, again, that was not the only reason, not even the main reason. They were totally fine with my trying to get them to keep Jewish laws up until other things came up. As a matter of fact, Diana actually agreed to consider it at some point, but then a week later backed off on it and, at the same time, started considering breaking up with me. But her reason for breaking up was different than this. So its like that other thing that caused her to want to break up, also caused her not to be so keen in trying to keep Jewish laws.

Other than those two things, I also want the woman to want to want kids, because to me its really important that my genetic line gets passed.

For that reason, I want her to be under 40. But that is not the only reason. The other thing is that since I never got to date women in person when I was younger, I feel like I missed out on women in their 20s. Thats why I really wish I could date a woman in her 20-s now if it were at all possible. But since it doesn't seem realistic, I am okay with dating a woman in her 30-s. But not in the 40-s.

And, last but not least, I would like women that can offer me emotional support.



QFT
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23 Sep 2022, 8:06 pm

Fnord wrote:
@QFT: This is also not to be rude, but what qualities do you have that could attract a woman (besides being a single male), and that you could contribute to a relationship?


I never drink I never smoke, I never use drugs, I never had sex (nor plan to, until marriage), I have Ph.D. in Physics and am pursuing second Ph.D. in math, in a relationship I am looking for an emotional side a lot more than the physical side, when I dated Jennifer and she was sick I was there for her the whole time which is something that not everyone would do, and by the same token I wouldn't want to hurt anyone else who is vulnerable (when I do hurt others its because I see myself as a vulnerable side; but when it switches around like it did with Jennifer, I become a lot more sensitive). I am looking for commitment as opposed to moving from one woman to another all the time. I like to travel and I like adventure: no I don't get to do it that often (not enough time, not enough money) but at least that is something I would like to do.



QFT
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23 Sep 2022, 8:17 pm

cyberdad wrote:
@QFT

You really need to focus on yourself than worry about NT males. What they do or not do is not going to change your circumstance.


Here is how it relates to me:

1) The cause of girls not dating me. If NT males have hard time finding girls too, then the cause is that I am not stellar. If NT males find girls easily, then the cause is that I am a loser.

2) The consequence of the girls not dating me If NT males have hard time finding girls too, then this means that people are less likely to think I am gay. If NT males have easy time finding girls, then people are more likely to think I am gay (although there are other factors, as I illustrated in listing those "possibilities")



cyberdad
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23 Sep 2022, 8:50 pm

QFT wrote:
2) The consequence of the girls not dating me If NT males have hard time finding girls too, then this means that people are less likely to think I am gay. If NT males have easy time finding girls, then people are more likely to think I am gay (although there are other factors, as I illustrated in listing those "possibilities")


I think you are misattributing why girls/women might choose one man over another. Do you think (or has anyone told you) that you come across as homosexual?