Maybe I should go ahead and date non-whites

Page 8 of 12 [ 178 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12  Next

cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 55
Gender: Male
Posts: 30,478

07 Oct 2022, 7:02 pm

SkinnyElephant wrote:
It's possible you could end up unknowingly dating a white man who's against interracial relationships.

Since you'd both be the same race, he might not feel the need to tell you how he feels (on the topic of interracial dating)


It also goes both ways.



goldfish21
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 18,476
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada

07 Oct 2022, 7:09 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
QFT wrote:
CockneyRebel wrote:
Are you sure you want to be with a non-white partner? You won't do anything to hurt her?


Nope, I wouldn't. I am live and let live type of person. The only people I want to hurt are the ones that did something "to" me. Like if said "non-white partner" is a foreigner looking for a visa and/or asking for money, then I would be angry, yes (although I still am not sure what I would actually do to them, other than ending the contact of course). But if they are simply non-white, there is no reason to be angry at them.

My only concern would be discomfort to be seen around them. But it won't be their fault, would it. So I won't be hurting them. I would just act really awkward and whatever. Kind of the way a kid would act with their hands caught in a cookie jar.


Idk I'd find it pretty hurtful if my boyfriend was uncomfortable being seen with me in public. So yeah, if that is how you'd be than no, don't date a non-white person it would not be fair to them. People generally want to feel like they have their partners support/or their partner has their back in public.

Also, as a white person I would not want to be in a relationship with someone who is against interracial relationships. Even, if we are the same race so it wouldn't directly affect me I'd still be disgusted they feel that way about it.


This is somewhat similar to one of my trans friend’s situation.

She’s a trans girl (assigned male at birth) and her bf is uncomfortable being seen with her in public/on dates/at events etc “because he’s straight,” and doesn’t want to be thought of as “gay.” I chatted with my friend about it recently and they’re going to have a discussion with the bf about his comfort level with things needing to.. level up. (Halloween party night out is the event in question.)


_________________
No :heart: for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.


Mona Pereth
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Sep 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,247
Location: New York City (Queens)

07 Oct 2022, 8:28 pm

QFT wrote:
What stops me from dating non-whites is mainly pride, as in it would look bad.

"Look bad" to whom?

This would depend a lot on where you live. If you live in a sufficiently cosmopolitan city, mixed-race relationships aren't terribly taboo.

In any case, a good relationship should be based more on how you and your partner feel about each other than on the approval or disapproval of other people.


_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.
- My Twitter (new as of 2021)


Mitchell M.
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 5 Jul 2022
Age: 20
Gender: Male
Posts: 55
Location: United States

07 Oct 2022, 9:34 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
Where on your list is:

- You like her
- She likes you
- There's chemistry
- You have a good time together
- You fit her list of prewritten criteria
- You communicate well as a couple

??


Otherwise you might as well date a sex doll.
Your description sounds like it could come from a catalogue.


I think many autistics who complain on L+D would rather date a doll than a human. They should save themselves the trouble.



Sweetleaf
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 33,760
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

07 Oct 2022, 11:06 pm

Ikd man, it seems like you act abusively at people, so understandably they try to avoid you. Maybe you should look into becoming less of a bully. Because for sure you act like too much and when people see that and don't want to associate with you so much anymore you double down on the bullying to try to force them to interact with you. LIke seriouly let things go and think about how you can improve to make yourself more tolerable to be around instead of blaming it all on other people.


_________________
We won't go back.


cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 55
Gender: Male
Posts: 30,478

07 Oct 2022, 11:07 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
LIke seriouly let things go and think about how you can improve to make yourself more tolerable to be around instead of blaming it all on other people.


Wise words...



Where_am_I
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Apr 2019
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,314

08 Oct 2022, 12:21 am

cyberdad wrote:
I think we need to give the OP some space and respect his feelings.

I of all people here don't agree with his preferences/thoughts on women of colour but I do know what it's like to feel lonely and unwanted as a young man and I'm NT.

@QFT the statement I am most concerned about from you is the assumption that any woman you date will automatically teach you social skills. I mean you could possibly mask your challenges to a woman for whom cultural knowledge of western culture/languages might work. But then I am not sure how this is going to work? this sounds like it is going to be a purely transactional relationship (yes these do happen as there's plenty of older western men who offer a ticket out to a woman from a village somewhere in a third world country who accepts he wants something from them and are willing to trade).

The latter is the only way I think you are going to make a go of it, but you can't mask forever and there is a high rate of divorce because after the woman gets a citizenship and can work she is going to weigh up why she is still married to you.
And looking for an asian-American born girl.....I wouldn't bother, they are really really picky

As a POC, I take issue with someone who thinks non white women are inferior, yet wants to date them because he can't attract his preference. I take no issue with the OP if he sticks with his preference and stays the hell away from non white women. I take issue with the potential abuse any non white women will no doubt experience from him.

So no, I will not take the OP's feelings into consideration if he tries to pursue non white women.

And I take issue with any members who are aware of this fact, yet continue to encourage him to date non white women. Stick with your bloody preference and spare the others from your potential abuse - anyone still find this hard to understand??


_________________
"A loaded gun won't set you free. So you say." - Ian Curtis


QFT
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 27 Jun 2019
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,456

08 Oct 2022, 12:52 am

Where_am_I wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
I think we need to give the OP some space and respect his feelings.

I of all people here don't agree with his preferences/thoughts on women of colour but I do know what it's like to feel lonely and unwanted as a young man and I'm NT.

@QFT the statement I am most concerned about from you is the assumption that any woman you date will automatically teach you social skills. I mean you could possibly mask your challenges to a woman for whom cultural knowledge of western culture/languages might work. But then I am not sure how this is going to work? this sounds like it is going to be a purely transactional relationship (yes these do happen as there's plenty of older western men who offer a ticket out to a woman from a village somewhere in a third world country who accepts he wants something from them and are willing to trade).

The latter is the only way I think you are going to make a go of it, but you can't mask forever and there is a high rate of divorce because after the woman gets a citizenship and can work she is going to weigh up why she is still married to you.
And looking for an asian-American born girl.....I wouldn't bother, they are really really picky

As a POC, I take issue with someone who thinks non white women are inferior, yet wants to date them because he can't attract his preference. I take no issue with the OP if he sticks with his preference and stays the hell away from non white women. I take issue with the potential abuse any non white women will no doubt experience from him.

So no, I will not take the OP's feelings into consideration if he tries to pursue non white women.

And I take issue with any members who are aware of this fact, yet continue to encourage him to date non white women. Stick with your bloody preference and spare the others from your potential abuse - anyone still find this hard to understand??


I don't understand where you got the idea that I would abuse them. Did I ever said this? No. What I said was that I would be settling for something other than what I prefer. I still say this. But this doesn't imply I would abuse them, does it? I was talking about feelings, not actions. Abuse is an action. I never talked about any negative actions.

I also don't see the logic as to why I would abuse them anyway. The purpose of relationship is self validation. I would get a lot less validation from non-white women than the white ones. Thats true. But I am hoping to still there be at least a little bit of someting. But if I were to abuse them, I would ruin whatever little self-validation that would still remain. What would be a point of it?

Now, if someone says or does something I don't like (regardless of their gender of color) I might get angry and yell at them. But there is no point in getting angry at person for their color, is there? So thats different.

In the example with the N-word, what I was angry at was that that roommate was invited and I wasn't. This in and of itself is not color. But then I *used* his color to yell at him. So its not that I yelled at him *because* of his color. No. I yelled at him because he was invited and I wasn't. The color was just something that I *used*. If he were to be white I would have yelled at him too: I would just substitute N-word with some other word that is race-neutral yet equally offensive.

So I guess its true that if I were to date a woman of color, and she were to "do" something to get me angry, I might use racial slur. But then, at the same time, if I were to date a white woman, and she were to "do" something to make me angry, I would yell at her too. But instead of racial slur, I will simply find something else that would be applicable to her, yet would still be offensive.

This brings me to another point. When I asked that guy I punched for dating advice, he said I shoudl question my intentions for looking for women, and he didn't make any reference to color: his remark referred to any and all women. I asked him what would be example of bad intentions. He said an example would be an intention to treat a woman with anger (again, he didn't refer to color).

But this is the other thing I don't get. Why would I be interested in a woman just to practice anger on her??? I want self-validation, and practicing anger on a woman would ruin the purpose of self-validation. Now, if I look at my past relationships, were I angry at the women I dated? Yes. Did I yell at them as a result? Yes. But this wasn't the purpose of why I was in a relationship with them The purpose of my relationship was self-validation. This does not go with anger, does it? So I was picturing an ideal, anger-free relationship, full of self validation. But then, when things didn't go my way, I got angry. Again, this wasn't the purpose of why I started a relationship. The purpose was for everything to be perfect. I just didn't know how to deal with things not being perfect.

So basically that guy I punched said that I want to be in a relatioship "to treat a woman with anger", and he didn't mention race. The people who respond to this thread, instead, said I would be abusive if I were to date non-white women. Both of those things make no sense for the same reason. Because in both cases you are telling me that I would have anger as a purpose. Whether my purpose is to treat womanhood in general with anger, or to treat women of color with anger. In either case, it makes no sense. My purpose is self-validation, and I won't get much validation from anger.

Again. I get angry when something doesn't go my way. And, as anger is not my purpose, it usually happens when something doesn't go my way in a way I couldn't foresee. For example, if I try to get a woman to stop eating pork and it doesn't work, then no i don't get angry. After all, I could foresee that the most probable answer would be no. I was just trying to gamble to see if I could get less probable "yes". If it didn't happen, nothing to be angry at. But when something happens that I couldn't foresee (those 10 things I put on the list are good examples of it), thats when I get angry.

Now with a woman of color I can't exactly say "I expected her to do color-change operation (whatever that might be), how dare she not to do it". Of course I can't say that!! ! In fact, if said operation existed, I wouldn't want her to do it anyway: that would be gross. So there is nothing to be angry at her, is there.

The only issue is that she doesn't have as much validation to offer as white woman would. Plus I would feel embarassed with her in front of others. But neither of those two things would make me angry at her, since it had nothing to do with any of her choices. And no I can't get angry for her choice to be with me since its my choice too.



Where_am_I
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Apr 2019
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,314

08 Oct 2022, 12:57 am

magz wrote:
You're aware that you can be emotionally abusive not wanting it and not even realizing it?

Like, what I and Isabella pointed out, by having unrealistic expectations while being judgemental?

Not meeting a partner's needs while demanding oneself's needs to be met is a common form of emotional abuse.

What part of Magz post can't you comprehend?


_________________
"A loaded gun won't set you free. So you say." - Ian Curtis


Benjamin the Donkey
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Mar 2017
Age: 59
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,143

08 Oct 2022, 12:57 am

QFT wrote:
What stops me from dating non-whites is mainly pride, as in it would look bad.

So you're both a racist and a coward.


_________________
"Donkeys live a long time. None of you has ever seen a dead donkey."


Benjamin the Donkey
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Mar 2017
Age: 59
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,143

08 Oct 2022, 1:02 am

QFT wrote:
Where_am_I wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
I think we need to give the OP some space and respect his feelings.

I of all people here don't agree with his preferences/thoughts on women of colour but I do know what it's like to feel lonely and unwanted as a young man and I'm NT.

@QFT the statement I am most concerned about from you is the assumption that any woman you date will automatically teach you social skills. I mean you could possibly mask your challenges to a woman for whom cultural knowledge of western culture/languages might work. But then I am not sure how this is going to work? this sounds like it is going to be a purely transactional relationship (yes these do happen as there's plenty of older western men who offer a ticket out to a woman from a village somewhere in a third world country who accepts he wants something from them and are willing to trade).

The latter is the only way I think you are going to make a go of it, but you can't mask forever and there is a high rate of divorce because after the woman gets a citizenship and can work she is going to weigh up why she is still married to you.
And looking for an asian-American born girl.....I wouldn't bother, they are really really picky

As a POC, I take issue with someone who thinks non white women are inferior, yet wants to date them because he can't attract his preference. I take no issue with the OP if he sticks with his preference and stays the hell away from non white women. I take issue with the potential abuse any non white women will no doubt experience from him.

So no, I will not take the OP's feelings into consideration if he tries to pursue non white women.

And I take issue with any members who are aware of this fact, yet continue to encourage him to date non white women. Stick with your bloody preference and spare the others from your potential abuse - anyone still find this hard to understand??


I don't understand where you got the idea that I would abuse them. Did I ever said this? No. What I said was that I would be settling for something other than what I prefer. I still say this. But this doesn't imply I would abuse them, does it? I was talking about feelings, not actions. Abuse is an action. I never talked about any negative actions.

I also don't see the logic as to why I would abuse them anyway. The purpose of relationship is self validation. I would get a lot less validation from non-white women than the white ones. Thats true. But I am hoping to still there be at least a little bit of someting. But if I were to abuse them, I would ruin whatever little self-validation that would still remain. What would be a point of it?

Now, if someone says or does something I don't like (regardless of their gender of color) I might get angry and yell at them. But there is no point in getting angry at person for their color, is there? So thats different.

In the example with the N-word, what I was angry at was that that roommate was invited and I wasn't. This in and of itself is not color. But then I *used* his color to yell at him. So its not that I yelled at him *because* of his color. No. I yelled at him because he was invited and I wasn't. The color was just something that I *used*. If he were to be white I would have yelled at him too: I would just substitute N-word with some other word that is race-neutral yet equally offensive.

So I guess its true that if I were to date a woman of color, and she were to "do" something to get me angry, I might use racial slur. But then, at the same time, if I were to date a white woman, and she were to "do" something to make me angry, I would yell at her too. But instead of racial slur, I will simply find something else that would be applicable to her, yet would still be offensive.

This brings me to another point. When I asked that guy I punched for dating advice, he said I shoudl question my intentions for looking for women, and he didn't make any reference to color: his remark referred to any and all women. I asked him what would be example of bad intentions. He said an example would be an intention to treat a woman with anger (again, he didn't refer to color).

But this is the other thing I don't get. Why would I be interested in a woman just to practice anger on her??? I want self-validation, and practicing anger on a woman would ruin the purpose of self-validation. Now, if I look at my past relationships, were I angry at the women I dated? Yes. Did I yell at them as a result? Yes. But this wasn't the purpose of why I was in a relationship with them The purpose of my relationship was self-validation. This does not go with anger, does it? So I was picturing an ideal, anger-free relationship, full of self validation. But then, when things didn't go my way, I got angry. Again, this wasn't the purpose of why I started a relationship. The purpose was for everything to be perfect. I just didn't know how to deal with things not being perfect.

So basically that guy I punched said that I want to be in a relatioship "to treat a woman with anger", and he didn't mention race. The people who respond to this thread, instead, said I would be abusive if I were to date non-white women. Both of those things make no sense for the same reason. Because in both cases you are telling me that I would have anger as a purpose. Whether my purpose is to treat womanhood in general with anger, or to treat women of color with anger. In either case, it makes no sense. My purpose is self-validation, and I won't get much validation from anger.

Again. I get angry when something doesn't go my way. And, as anger is not my purpose, it usually happens when something doesn't go my way in a way I couldn't foresee. For example, if I try to get a woman to stop eating pork and it doesn't work, then no i don't get angry. After all, I could foresee that the most probable answer would be no. I was just trying to gamble to see if I could get less probable "yes". If it didn't happen, nothing to be angry at. But when something happens that I couldn't foresee (those 10 things I put on the list are good examples of it), thats when I get angry.

Now with a woman of color I can't exactly say "I expected her to do color-change operation (whatever that might be), how dare she not to do it". Of course I can't say that!! ! In fact, if said operation existed, I wouldn't want her to do it anyway: that would be gross. So there is nothing to be angry at her, is there.

The only issue is that she doesn't have as much validation to offer as white woman would. Plus I would feel embarassed with her in front of others. But neither of those two things would make me angry at her, since it had nothing to do with any of her choices. And no I can't get angry for her choice to be with me since its my choice too.


If your first-impulse way to express anger at a person of a different race is to use a racial slur, then you are racist. It's amazing how blind you are about the very obvious reasons why no one wants to be with you.


_________________
"Donkeys live a long time. None of you has ever seen a dead donkey."


Benjamin the Donkey
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Mar 2017
Age: 59
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,143

08 Oct 2022, 1:08 am

Where_am_I wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
I think we need to give the OP some space and respect his feelings.

I of all people here don't agree with his preferences/thoughts on women of colour but I do know what it's like to feel lonely and unwanted as a young man and I'm NT.

@QFT the statement I am most concerned about from you is the assumption that any woman you date will automatically teach you social skills. I mean you could possibly mask your challenges to a woman for whom cultural knowledge of western culture/languages might work. But then I am not sure how this is going to work? this sounds like it is going to be a purely transactional relationship (yes these do happen as there's plenty of older western men who offer a ticket out to a woman from a village somewhere in a third world country who accepts he wants something from them and are willing to trade).

The latter is the only way I think you are going to make a go of it, but you can't mask forever and there is a high rate of divorce because after the woman gets a citizenship and can work she is going to weigh up why she is still married to you.
And looking for an asian-American born girl.....I wouldn't bother, they are really really picky

As a POC, I take issue with someone who thinks non white women are inferior, yet wants to date them because he can't attract his preference. I take no issue with the OP if he sticks with his preference and stays the hell away from non white women. I take issue with the potential abuse any non white women will no doubt experience from him.

So no, I will not take the OP's feelings into consideration if he tries to pursue non white women.

And I take issue with any members who are aware of this fact, yet continue to encourage him to date non white women. Stick with your bloody preference and spare the others from your potential abuse - anyone still find this hard to understand??


Agreed. Some feelings and opinions are abhorrent and don't deserve my respect. I have 2 biracial teenage sons who are both very popular with girls of different races. I've told them that anyone who has a problem with their race is a fool who isn't worth their energy.


_________________
"Donkeys live a long time. None of you has ever seen a dead donkey."


goldfish21
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 18,476
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada

08 Oct 2022, 1:16 am

^ there are more examples of racism in that post than just racial slurs as a reaction.

Like white women providing more validation than non whites, or being embarrassed by a non white woman.. etc probably more.



I wonder if it’s ever dawned on the op that any woman, of any race/ethnicity, would likely be embarrassed by being seen with such an overtly racist date ? :chin:


_________________
No :heart: for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.


Raleigh
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jul 2014
Age: 123
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,649
Location: Out of my mind

08 Oct 2022, 1:21 am

I think the OP must be trolling.
No one could be this clueless.


_________________
It's like I'm sleepwalking


Sweetleaf
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 33,760
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

08 Oct 2022, 1:32 am

QFT wrote:

I don't understand where you got the idea that I would abuse them. Did I ever said this? No. What I said was that I would be settling for something other than what I prefer. I still say this. But this doesn't imply I would abuse them, does it? I was talking about feelings, not actions. Abuse is an action. I never talked about any negative actions.



You said that if you were with a partner of another race you'd be embarrassed to be seen in public with them. That is abusive because you wouuld not be supporting your partner you'd be stuck on racist views making you see such a woman as lower than you.


_________________
We won't go back.


amykitten
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 17 Sep 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 472

08 Oct 2022, 1:38 am

Raleigh wrote:
I think the OP must be trolling.
No one could be this clueless.


No all this posts are like this.

He rhen wonders why his relationships (romantic/friends) are nonexistent. :roll:

He can't see the issues within himself, blames autism for everything and not willing to correct his views.