Why am I attracted to my opposite???

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Raven
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23 Oct 2022, 2:46 am

Seriously. It doesn't even make any sense!
Like,
1. He's very smart and motivated, while I'm more of a daydreamer, and satisfied with just getting by in life (as long as I have time for my special interests)
2. He's very cultured/charismatic and good at reading people, while I'm more so aloof, messy, without manners, and often get into fights or misunderstandings with people. (Also, I sometimes get tics and need to stim, which idk if he'd understand :/)
3. Ideologically, he leans left (towards communism), while I lean right (towards conservatism and folkish/pagan views). Once, he got mad when I hinted about my ideals :(
4. He likes to beat around the bush more, while I'm more blunt
...
And yet, I still can't forget him...
The only explanation I see is that he reminds me of my family, whom I'm already used to (even though I often fight with them :lol: )

But this opposites thing is really confusing (especially 3.). Sometimes, I wish we'd somehow become alike with 3, and sometimes I wonder if we'd last if we just didn't talk about 3. ...

What do y'all think? Can opposites really last? If not, then how do you counter the effects of being raised within a family, who have ideologically opposing views to you?



The_Face_of_Boo
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23 Oct 2022, 3:09 am

No, such opposites as you describe don’t last.

I thought Left people are more likely to be into Pagan stuff btw.

Next question.



naturalplastic
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23 Oct 2022, 3:46 am

Opposites do often attract. As Paula Abdul, and her animated tom cat dance partner, sang in that video.

Sometimes they can last when the couple strikes some kind of balance. But usually its similarities that last, and opposites create problems.



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23 Oct 2022, 5:17 am

My parents were opposites. (Dad left this earth over a decade ago). This made them a perfect match because each would cover each others weaknesses with their strengths, so that as a couple, they could conquor anything!

Some say one should find a similar person but that can backfire and clash because instead of working together to collectively plough forwards, it can turn into competing against each other and things can crash.


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MaxE
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26 Oct 2022, 11:40 am

This thread may be relevant.
https://wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=409026


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rse92
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26 Oct 2022, 12:00 pm

Is he attracted to you?



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Raven
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26 Oct 2022, 1:49 pm

rse92 wrote:
Is he attracted to you?


Well he was when we saw each other in real life, but then we had to move away to different countries...
All these years I can't forget him, but he - idk. Part of me is scared that the internet messed up his view on me, because
1. my mom often posts ugly pictures of me and there are even ugly pictures on my own social network profile, and some of them are especially ugly, because of my recently (survived) near-death experience, where I was too skinny, and looked crazy;
2. Many people I knew/trusted before I now hate. But they still remain as "past friends" on the web. So, if he also hates them, he might start to dislike me :(
3. My legal name does not reflect my ancestry, but what if he finds someone on the web with my same legal last name, and starts thinking that's my dad?

After I wrote to him a year ago (idk if he got my message), he didn't reply, but did soon start collaborating with people from the country we met in (for work), and then checked my mom's social networking profile. So maybe I just have to wait? Idk. Am now just trying to establish myself, and live with that thought of him at the back of my mind...



klanka
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26 Oct 2022, 1:59 pm

if he hasnt replied to you in a year thats a bad sign. But I know how it is when you like someone so why not send more messages just in case



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26 Oct 2022, 2:02 pm

MaxE wrote:


Interesting thread! I think we do love in the same way..



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26 Oct 2022, 2:05 pm

klanka wrote:
if he hasnt replied to you in a year thats a bad sign. But I know how it is when you like someone so why not send more messages just in case


Nah, don't want to seem desperate. If I could just see him, then I would know 100%.



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26 Oct 2022, 6:11 pm

Could it be possible that your attracted to your opposite because you dislike some qualities in yourself :? I'm attracted to women who are a lot like me in some ways because they are more relatable to me & might be more accepting & understanding. But I'm also attracted to women who seem opposite in some key ways because they have qualities that I kinda wish I had in myself or qualities that I used to have in myself that I lost or qualities that seem very funny or cute. I want to feel like I'm a better person with my romantic partner than I was when I was single. I know change has to come from within & that you can not expect a relationship to magically fix you but I also know from being in my current relationship that I could change for the better with a good environment & partner who loved, supported, & accepted me, & inspired me to be a better person so I could be a better partner for her. I want my partner to be a better person with me than without me because I hate feeling like I'm letting her down or failing her & some of my qualities can compensate for her weaknesses & vice-versa.


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Raven
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27 Oct 2022, 12:04 am

nick007 wrote:
Could it be possible that your attracted to your opposite because you dislike some qualities in yourself :? I'm attracted to women who are a lot like me in some ways because they are more relatable to me & might be more accepting & understanding. But I'm also attracted to women who seem opposite in some key ways because they have qualities that I kinda wish I had in myself or qualities that I used to have in myself that I lost or qualities that seem very funny or cute. I want to feel like I'm a better person with my romantic partner than I was when I was single. I know change has to come from within & that you can not expect a relationship to magically fix you but I also know from being in my current relationship that I could change for the better with a good environment & partner who loved, supported, & accepted me, & inspired me to be a better person so I could be a better partner for her. I want my partner to be a better person with me than without me because I hate feeling like I'm letting her down or failing her & some of my qualities can compensate for her weaknesses & vice-versa.


Wow, nice insight! Indeed, 1. and 2. make sense: I do sometimes feel ashamed of my unsuccess in life - my Bachelors is taking 6 years still, maybe more, and, yes, my messiness/aloofness also sometimes leaves me in shame.

I am proud of my 3. and 4. qualities though: will never betray my conservative values, and will always try to be direct with people. But his 3. is just like my mom's 3. so maybe 3. is a result of me being used to my mom? Also, maybe his 4. is just a consequence of him being cultured.