Is it pointless to have sex just to say ''you've done it'' ?

Page 2 of 8 [ 118 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 8  Next

timf
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Oct 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 953

13 Nov 2022, 9:33 am

Casual fornication is promoted in almost all media as routine, expected, and common. Often what is not discussed is the benefits of abstinence.

If a person seeks a mate for a life long marriage and to build a family, bringing ignorance and inexperience to the table might seem a deficit. However, the real advantage is that during the first year of marriage the mutual exploration done with kindness, patience, and even humor builds an intimacy that lasts a lifetime.

Jaded athletic proficiency fails to make these deeper connections.



Nades
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 8 Jan 2017
Age: 1932
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,995
Location: wales

13 Nov 2022, 9:59 am

timf wrote:
Casual fornication is promoted in almost all media as routine, expected, and common. Often what is not discussed is the benefits of abstinence.

If a person seeks a mate for a life long marriage and to build a family, bringing ignorance and inexperience to the table might seem a deficit. However, the real advantage is that during the first year of marriage the mutual exploration done with kindness, patience, and even humor builds an intimacy that lasts a lifetime.

Jaded athletic proficiency fails to make these deeper connections.


Fornicating strangers and people not married can easily have sex with kindness, patience and humour. They're gonna have sex with nastiness, impatience and deadpan emotions?

I don't understand why so many think that sex has to be in a loving, long term relationship for it to be *correct* and the *right way*.

Strangers, casuals and non-married people generally have to be very friendly just to agree to sex.



amykitten
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 17 Sep 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 472

13 Nov 2022, 12:04 pm

timf wrote:
Casual fornication is promoted in almost all media as routine, expected, and common. Often what is not discussed is the benefits of abstinence.

If a person seeks a mate for a life long marriage and to build a family, bringing ignorance and inexperience to the table might seem a deficit. However, the real advantage is that during the first year of marriage the mutual exploration done with kindness, patience, and even humor builds an intimacy that lasts a lifetime.

Jaded athletic proficiency fails to make these deeper connections.


We could argue that all mates are not the same and some decide its fine to abuse their partner by raping them. Some people can really change after marriage and settling down.

There ultimately isn't the best time to lose ones virginity tbh. Its different for everyone as everyones morals are different. That's fine. It doesn't make one better than the other.

At the end of the day if both adults consent then it doesn't really matter imo.



goldfish21
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 18,559
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada

13 Nov 2022, 12:22 pm

Image


_________________
No :heart: for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.


MaxE
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,650
Location: Mid-Atlantic US

13 Nov 2022, 12:36 pm

It's not a matter of being able to walk around wearing a t-shirt that says "I've had sex". It's more a matter of wanting the experience plus most of us have an innate, primal urge to do it. Ironically, having sex theoretically costs nothing (the small cost for contraception notwithstanding) whereas so many other supposedly worthwhile activities such as downhill skiing for example, can be quite costly.

The real issue is simply wanting the experience. This is where one encounters a lot of shaming along the lines of "nobody really needs sex so find a more worthwhile goal". I submit that it's worse on an autism site because of the high percentage of asexual, demisexual, or graysexual people who simply don't understand how somebody could desire sexual experience as an end in itself.

Well the other issue is that never having had sex can be blamed on a person lacking the social skills needed to obtain another person's cooperation in that matter, so never having had sex is seen as proof of that person's general inability to get by in the world.


_________________
My WP story


IsabellaLinton
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Nov 2017
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 53,377

13 Nov 2022, 12:37 pm

Now I want a shirt that says "It's cheaper than skiing!" :twisted:



goldfish21
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 18,559
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada

13 Nov 2022, 12:42 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
Now I want a shirt that says "It's cheaper than skiing!" :twisted:

Or how about "It's f*****g worth it!" :D


_________________
No :heart: for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.


Nades
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 8 Jan 2017
Age: 1932
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,995
Location: wales

13 Nov 2022, 12:53 pm

MaxE wrote:
It's not a matter of being able to walk around wearing a t-shirt that says "I've had sex". It's more a matter of wanting the experience plus most of us have an innate, primal urge to do it. Ironically, having sex theoretically costs nothing (the small cost for contraception notwithstanding) whereas so many other supposedly worthwhile activities such as downhill skiing for example, can be quite costly.

The real issue is simply wanting the experience. This is where one encounters a lot of shaming along the lines of "nobody really needs sex so find a more worthwhile goal". I submit that it's worse on an autism site because of the high percentage of asexual, demisexual, or graysexual people who simply don't understand how somebody could desire sexual experience as an end in itself.

Well the other issue is that never having had sex can be blamed on a person lacking the social skills needed to obtain another person's cooperation in that matter, so never having had sex is seen as proof of that person's general inability to get by in the world.


This. The urge to have sex is hardwired into most people's brains by instinct and this is the common dominator that needs to be considered first and foremost. It just can't be switched off like a light bulb by telling people sex isn't a big deal or needs to be done correctly.

As a virgin becomes increasingly older, the chances of there being deep rooted problems causing their virginity increases and the shame and embarrassment also increases. Telling an older virgin that all is good causes them nothing but harm and invalidates (touchy word I know) what they're experiencing and the problems that lead to it.

As a broad rule of thumb that are my own personal assumptions. I consider something to be seriously amiss if an individual has passed the average age which their peers have kids and still hasn't lost their virginity. This is about 30 years of age. Problems become apparent about a decade before though.



IsabellaLinton
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Nov 2017
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 53,377

13 Nov 2022, 1:10 pm

There's nothing wrong with wanting an experience for the sake of sensation and experience, or to be able to say you've done it. That's the basis of true Romanticism. Think of all the things you've done and tried in your life to satiate curiosity or to feel like you're part of the crowd: the books you've read -- just to say you had, the places you went in order to say "I've been there!", and the foods you've tried just because they piqued your interest. It's normal to want sensation and experience so long as it's done in a safe and healthy way. My advice is to go for it, assuming of course the other person consents and you use protection.



MaxE
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,650
Location: Mid-Atlantic US

13 Nov 2022, 2:10 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
My advice is to go for it, assuming of course the other person consents and you use protection.

The fact is that you can easily avoid any real risk and still have a memorable experience. Just get naked together, play doctor, put on a private cam show but without the cam and talk about everything your mother forbade you to ever discuss with a member of the opposite sex. Then sign a pact to the effect that if either of you is asked, yes you most definitely had sex. Of course if all that works out, you might consider actually having sex although you are at liberty to choose whatever definition of "having sex" works best for you.


_________________
My WP story


goldfish21
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 18,559
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada

13 Nov 2022, 2:12 pm

MaxE wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
My advice is to go for it, assuming of course the other person consents and you use protection.

The fact is that you can easily avoid any real risk and still have a memorable experience. Just get naked together, play doctor, put on a private cam show but without the cam and talk about everything your mother forbade you to ever discuss with a member of the opposite sex. Then sign a pact to the effect that if either of you is asked, yes you most definitely had sex. Of course if all that works out, you might consider actually having sex although you are at liberty to choose whatever definition of "having sex" works best for you.

:? :lol: :lol: :lol: :|


_________________
No :heart: for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.


Pepe
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Jun 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 23,970
Location: Australia

14 Nov 2022, 2:37 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I thought, when I lost my virginity, that I would, all of a sudden, “be a man.” All my inadequacies would disappear.

It turned out to be a pipe dream.

I’m lucky the experience wasn’t bad…..but it would have been much better had we loved each other. I was just a substitute for another person that day.


Firstly, your "cherry being plucked" marked a milestone in your life.
Secondly, after the event, you realised the folly of your original childish expectation.
Thirdly, you were able to continue your quest toward self-actualisation without that baggage.
And last but not least, finding a mutually loving relationship would only be enhanced as a result of a previous souless sexual encounter. 8)


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,



Also, as George Carlin said, "I have no stake in the outcome." I'll stick around for the comedy.

"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet."
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)
Glory to Ukraine.


Pepe
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Jun 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 23,970
Location: Australia

14 Nov 2022, 2:46 am

Nades wrote:

Inadequacies won't disappear but the ever tormenting monkey on the shoulder of a lot of virgins will disappear.


Agreed. :monkey:


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,



Also, as George Carlin said, "I have no stake in the outcome." I'll stick around for the comedy.

"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet."
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)
Glory to Ukraine.


Pepe
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Jun 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 23,970
Location: Australia

14 Nov 2022, 2:48 am

timf wrote:
Casual fornication is promoted in almost all media as routine, expected, and common. Often what is not discussed is the benefits of abstinence.

If a person seeks a mate for a life long marriage and to build a family, bringing ignorance and inexperience to the table might seem a deficit. However, the real advantage is that during the first year of marriage the mutual exploration done with kindness, patience, and even humor builds an intimacy that lasts a lifetime.

Jaded athletic proficiency fails to make these deeper connections.


"Different strokes for different folks", so to speak. ;)


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,



Also, as George Carlin said, "I have no stake in the outcome." I'll stick around for the comedy.

"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet."
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)
Glory to Ukraine.


Pepe
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Jun 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 23,970
Location: Australia

14 Nov 2022, 2:53 am

Nades wrote:

I don't understand why so many think that sex has to be in a loving, long term relationship for it to be *correct* and the *right way*.


"Social indoctrination."
You are now enlightened. :wink:

Go forth and sow your wild oats so you can fully appreciate being with your soulmate if you are thus blessed in the future. 8)


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,



Also, as George Carlin said, "I have no stake in the outcome." I'll stick around for the comedy.

"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet."
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)
Glory to Ukraine.


Pepe
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Jun 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 23,970
Location: Australia

14 Nov 2022, 3:17 am

goldfish21 wrote:
Image


:mrgreen:


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,



Also, as George Carlin said, "I have no stake in the outcome." I'll stick around for the comedy.

"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet."
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)
Glory to Ukraine.