I'm jealous of my potentially autistic boyfriend's female

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Itsbritneybeep
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25 Nov 2022, 5:08 pm

It's my first post here. I hope it's an appropriate place to post this question.

I am a neurotypical and my boyfriend is suspected to be on the spectrum. He is not diagnosed yet. We have been together for 3 years and we live together.

Recently I have been feeling uncomfortable about my boyfriend's female coworker. They work really closely together and they would always text during the day (they both work from home). A few times I saw that they were exchanging paragraphs of texts. After a couple of weeks, I confronted him and wanted to know what they were talking about that warrant paragraphs of long texts.

He showed me their chat history. A lot of it was him sharing music that he likes with her. And every morning they would start with good morning, how are you today, you seem to be in a better mood today, or I had a bad morning etc. Every night before they sign off, they would say have a great night. Even when she is not online anymore, my boyfriend would still send a message that says "I assume you're already off, which is good. I hope you have a great night".

They both would rant to each other about work and coworkers. My boyfriend would repeatedly say things like "I'm here if you need me" "I'm always available to hear you rant" or things along the line of that. It would be a frequent occurrence like every day or every other day.

In one instance, I saw that he messaged her and said "if you don't eat, I will come to your house and hand feed it to you".

Anyways, their exchanges only occured through work platform and during work hours (as far as I know). But I am very bothered by the fact that he would be so emotionally invested in his conversations with her while even though he lives with me, I feel very distant from him. He doesn't seem to really open up about his emotions. When I ask him how he's doing, it's usually a short answer of "meh lots to do and very stressed" or a short complaint about something or somebody. He used to talk to me more about his work struggles. He doesn't as much any more.

They both know that they have boyfriend/girlfriend. I don't think they talk about relationship problems. Mostly just work complaints, morning and night greetings and sharing of music.

Something doesn't feel right. But I don't know if I'm overthinking or being jealous. I did try to ask him about this, and he said they were just friends. He also got upset one time because he said he "didn't know how long he could do this for". I think it's because there were previous cases where I was jealous and he must have gotten tired of having to explain himself?

Anyways, I hope that someone could help me. Slap some sense into me maybe.



Fnord
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25 Nov 2022, 7:10 pm

[opinion=mine]

You have three choices:

1) Make him feel miserable for having any friends (male OR female) other than you.  Accuse him of wanting to have sex with every woman you know.  Call him a liar when he denies it.  Demand his passwords and go into a rage if he deletes his browser history.  Check his underwear as soon as he gets home for signs of illicit activity.  Nag him into changing jobs whenever he makes friends at work.  Try to get those friends fired.

-OR-

2) Trust him to be faithful to you.  Make friends with his co-worker.  Enjoy a "girls' night" with her and a few other women.  Introduce her to men who might find her attractive.  Treat her like a sister-in-law: friendly, but not too chummy.

-OR-

3) Up your sexual game so much that even if he gets turned on at work, he still wants to have all of his action with you.  Become his one-women sex toy from the moment he gets home to the moment he leaves for work.  "Sext" him throughout the day.  Make sure he sees you as more than just a room-mate and/or housekeeper (unless you have one of those "French Maid" costumes).

Of course, all of this is under the presumption that either you want to keep him, or that you can find no one else.  In neither case, you may be better off to cut your losses and find another man -- one so unattractive that no one else could possibly want him.


[/opinion]


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Itsbritneybeep
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25 Nov 2022, 7:12 pm

Fnord wrote:
[opinion=mine]

You have three choices:

1) Make him feel miserable for having any friends (male OR female) other than you.  Accuse him of wanting to have sex with every woman you know.  Call him a liar when he denies it.  Demand his passwords and go into a rage if he deletes his browser history.  Check his underwear as soon as he gets home for signs of illicit activity.  Nag him into changing jobs whenever he makes friends at work.  Try to get those friends fired.

-OR-

2) Trust him to be faithful to you.  Make friends with his co-worker.  Enjoy a "girls' night" with her and a few other women.  Introduce her to men who might find her attractive.  Treat her like a sister-in-law: friendly, but not too chummy.

-OR-

3) Up your sexual game so much that even if he gets turned on at work, he still wants to have all of his action with you.  Become his one-women sex toy from the moment he gets home to the moment he leaves for work.  "Sext" him throughout the day.  Make sure he sees you as more than just a room-mate and/or housekeeper (unless you have one of those "French Maid" costumes).

Of course, all of this is under the presumption that either you want to keep him, or that you can find no one else.  In neither case, you may be better off to cut your losses and find another man -- one so unattractive that no one else could possibly want him.


[/opinion]


Harsh but I think exactly what I need. Thank you appreciate it!



The_Face_of_Boo
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26 Nov 2022, 3:43 am

That’s a big sign of cheating.
Friends don’t normally text this way: good morning/night every day, and walls of texts.

Only lovers do that. Don’t be naive.

Either go poly; or make him understand that you’re not stupid and you won’t accept this anymore.


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cyberdad
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26 Nov 2022, 4:19 am

I have a close relationship with a female co-worker and while we don't text each other we do catch up at work functions. My wife doesn't care and she has a male co-worker whom she calls/texts about personal things. One important point is all of us are married or in relationships.

Here's another perspective. If your relationship isn't built on trust then it's built on shaky ground. Trust your boyfriend will do the right thing. Give him space to build other personal relationships. This is perfectly normal.



Muse933277
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28 Nov 2022, 8:44 pm

Lose some weight, get a bangin body, do some squats to get a nice booty, and he'll think twice before ever cheating on you.



Mona Pereth
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10 Dec 2022, 11:54 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
That’s a big sign of cheating.
Friends don’t normally text this way: good morning/night every day, and walls of texts.

Only lovers do that. Don’t be naive.

Hmmm, decades ago I had some friends with whom I had daily or almost-daily AOL Instant Messenger chats for a while, sometimes multiple chats per day. So, no, it's not inconceivable that close platonic friends could have regular chats like this.


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Mona Pereth
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10 Dec 2022, 3:45 pm

Itsbritneybeep wrote:
... I feel very distant from him. He doesn't seem to really open up about his emotions. When I ask him how he's doing, it's usually a short answer of "meh lots to do and very stressed" or a short complaint about something or somebody. He used to talk to me more about his work struggles. He doesn't as much any more.

This is the part of the situation that I would be concerned about.

Itsbritneybeep wrote:
He also got upset one time because he said he "didn't know how long he could do this for". I think it's because there were previous cases where I was jealous and he must have gotten tired of having to explain himself?

That's certainly possible, indeed likely. I certainly wouldn't want a partner to be jealous toward my friends.

IMO you need to find a way to become less jealous.

Do you have friends too? If not, perhaps it might help if you could find a way to make some friends?

If you can afford it, perhaps you should consider seeing a couples therapist?


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