Why do some people dislike inter racial dating?

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rse92
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07 Dec 2022, 1:49 pm

You see what is happening here is described in the book Games People Play by Eric Berne.

https://lifeclub.org/books/games-people ... ew-summary

Games People Play Key Idea #5: People play more games when they take part in social gatherings.
Social gatherings are the perfect occasion for harmless party games such as Trivia, Catch Phrase, or Charades. Unfortunately, they are also an occasion for people to play more devious and subtle mind games.

Take Schlemiel, for example– a game about forcing others to forgive you. In this social game, the protagonist breaks things “accidentally” when he is invited to a party held in someone’s home. He might apologize for breaking a vase, clogging the toilet, or spilling wine on the sofa. On the surface, it seems a normal reaction on the part of the Schlemiel to apologize for the mess that they made and it looks like an Adult reaction. However, the Schlemiel is only trying to get a reaction out of the host and force them to either be extremely nice and forgiving or to assume the Parent role and show disappointment or annoyance. This “accident” gives the Schlemiel an excuse to act as an irresponsible child throughout the event, knowing that the host will accept the behavior no matter what.

Another frequently played party game is called Why Don’t You – Yes But. The protagonist starts by sharing a personal problem with a group. For example, he might be having trouble figuring out whether to buy a BMW or a Mercedes. The group then starts offering advice: this model is better for long distances, the Mercedes is worth the higher price, the BMW is more reliable, and so on and so forth. But, for the player, the advice is actually irrelevant, because he will always come up with different reasons to reject each suggestion. Initially, it might look like the protagonist and the members of the group are communicating as Adults, trying to find good and rational solutions to real issues. But, in fact, those who are offering advice are automatically assuming the role of a Parent, attempting to help a Child who always answers: “you can’t help me, no matter what you do”. This dynamic fuels the player’s sense of being a Child who is dealing with unsolvable problems.



Where_am_I
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07 Dec 2022, 2:23 pm

^ I think there's a bit of this in here too.

Image


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r00tb33r
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07 Dec 2022, 2:49 pm

This thread. :lol:

IsabellaLinton wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
Maybe it’s because black men on average have bigger…… :)


Have you inspected them yourself?

Like I said, why don't we let women weigh in on it. :wink:


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IsabellaLinton
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07 Dec 2022, 2:54 pm

Where_am_I wrote:
^ I think there's a bit of this in here too.

Image



OH FARK!! That was the scariest thing ever. I couldn't finish it for the triggers.



IsabellaLinton
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07 Dec 2022, 2:56 pm

Nades wrote:
I spoke to one on Saturday who rejected a black man for sex.



Wow! Call the newspapers!
Women aren't supposed to reject anyone, are they?
What was she thinking!



Nades
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07 Dec 2022, 3:03 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
Nades wrote:
I spoke to one on Saturday who rejected a black man for sex.



Wow! Call the newspapers!
Women aren't supposed to reject anyone, are they?
What was she thinking!


Stop being so snarky.

You just said "It's also misogynist to insist that this matters to women, and that women judge men for their body parts." and I responded with what a woman said a couple of days ago. It seemed to matter to her that's for sure.

I honestly think you're being more misogynistic now. I think the main issue you have is that I'm a male commenting on this topic being honest with you.



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07 Dec 2022, 3:06 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
Nades wrote:
I spoke to one on Saturday who rejected a black man for sex.



Wow! Call the newspapers!
Women aren't supposed to reject anyone, are they?
What was she thinking!


Stop shoving words in my mouth too. I said nothing about judging them for their preferences. I just make observations or listen to what women say in person.



r00tb33r
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07 Dec 2022, 3:08 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
Where_am_I wrote:
^ I think there's a bit of this in here too.

Image



OH FARK!! That was the scariest thing ever. I couldn't finish it for the triggers.

You missed the plot twist at the end that the whole thing was a TSA infomercial.


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07 Dec 2022, 3:11 pm

Nades wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
Nades wrote:
I spoke to one on Saturday who rejected a black man for sex.



Wow! Call the newspapers!
Women aren't supposed to reject anyone, are they?
What was she thinking!


Stop being so snarky.

You just said "It's also misogynist to insist that this matters to women, and that women judge men for their body parts." and I responded with what a woman said a couple of days ago. It seemed to matter to her that's for sure.

I honestly think you're being more misogynistic now. I think the main issue you have is that I'm a male commenting on this topic being honest with you.



I'm not being snarky at all. I was being funny and not even sarcastic, to lighten the topic.

I don't understand why a woman rejecting a black guy for sex is any different than rejecting any other person.
Did she say she was rejecting him simply and only because he was black? (Just curious).
Did she like him otherwise?
Why was sex even a consideration if she wasn't interested, or did he just randomly proposition her?
Did she happen to confirm he packed a big one but she still didn't want it?

I guess I don't understand the context of what happened.

How am I misogynist? What have I said that is against women?

I'm tired of men perpetuating this myth to other men, that they aren't good enough if they aren't:

- rich
- well hung
- tall with a good physique and muscles
- have a good job and car, etc.

I feel sorry for any black guys who might read this thread and feel inadequate if they don't meet the stereotype about size etc. It's body shaming for some men, whether they're white or black. I'm standing up for men here by saying it doesn't matter as much as Jamesy thinks it does. I'm also standing up for women by saying we don't judge people in that way.



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07 Dec 2022, 3:16 pm

Jamesy wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
It just so happens that I've known many black women who really don't like 'em big.....



What about the white women?


Did you read my statistics Jamesy? Your biggest competition (hands down) is other white men



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07 Dec 2022, 3:17 pm

cyberdad wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
It just so happens that I've known many black women who really don't like 'em big.....



What about the white women?


Did you read my statistics Jamesy? Your biggest competition (hands down) is other white men

Hands down? :lol:


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07 Dec 2022, 3:23 pm

Speaking for a friend, some white women don't want them huge because:

- it gives the guy an inflated sense of ego
- he often thinks that's all he needs to offer
- she might worry that he'll cheat on her
- it might hurt her, if he's a moron
- harder to accommodate for certain ... er, activities (oral, anal)
- harder to accommodate for certain positions
- it can stretch out her own body unnecessarily

Just a few thoughts.



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07 Dec 2022, 3:30 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
Nades wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
Nades wrote:
I spoke to one on Saturday who rejected a black man for sex.



Wow! Call the newspapers!
Women aren't supposed to reject anyone, are they?
What was she thinking!


Stop being so snarky.

You just said "It's also misogynist to insist that this matters to women, and that women judge men for their body parts." and I responded with what a woman said a couple of days ago. It seemed to matter to her that's for sure.

I honestly think you're being more misogynistic now. I think the main issue you have is that I'm a male commenting on this topic being honest with you.



I'm not being snarky at all. I was being funny and not even sarcastic, to lighten the topic.

I don't understand why a woman rejecting a black guy for sex is any different than rejecting any other person.
Did she say she was rejecting him simply and only because he was black? (Just curious).
Did she like him otherwise?
Why was sex even a consideration if she wasn't interested, or did he just randomly proposition her?
Did she happen to confirm he packed a big one but she still didn't want it?

I guess I don't understand the context of what happened.

How am I misogynist? What have I said that is against women?

I'm tired of men perpetuating this myth to other men, that they aren't good enough if they aren't:

- rich
- well hung
- tall with a good physique and muscles
- have a good job and car, etc.

I feel sorry for any black guys who might read this thread and feel inadequate if they don't meet the stereotype about size etc. It's body shaming for some men, whether they're white or black. I'm standing up for men here by saying it doesn't matter as much as Jamesy thinks it does. I'm also standing up for women by saying we don't judge people in that way.


OK my bad. . I thought you started contradicted yourself or ignoring what another woman said. My bad. I must have misread.

I don't really know why she rejected him. I usually engage with the swinging crowd a lot and the women have a lot of sexual experience. I heard a few women say they don't really like doing anything sexual with black men. I never press them as to why because it might come across as trying to accuse them or something.

The most recent woman on Saturday was with her boyfriend in a car. It's a spot a lot of swingers hang around in so sex is always the main proposition, that's the whole reason women and couples show up. The black man approached and they politely let him down saying they already came to this spot with me in mind and only me. As he walked away they said she was "scared" of black men. The man himself was very well mannered. He even came up to me afterwards apologising.

I've been in a couple of porn filming's too. The number of people can go up to 50 men and a good few women of all nationalities and races. I generally find the black men to be more boisterous. It varies a lot from person to person. The majority of them are usually fine but on the extreme end they seem to cause a little more problems with pushing in and taking to long until a camera man or director tells them to move on. Two months ago one was pushing in terrible and a lot of guys including myself were just twiddling thumbs waiting. This is marginal at best though. Most of the problems come from the white men but this is to be expected considering they make up most of the people in the shoots.

I'm speculating this might be why some women have an issue at least for the sex part.

Touchy topic I know but it might be worth asking some of the women I meet who have issues with black men as to why.



Last edited by Nades on 07 Dec 2022, 3:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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07 Dec 2022, 3:32 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
I'm tired of men perpetuating this myth to other men, that they aren't good enough if they aren't:
- rich
- well hung
- tall with a good physique and muscles
- have a good job and car, etc.


Young women always tended to hypergamy but in the pre-internet era there was more opportunity to meet face to face so men with the ability to be funny, charismatic or compatible stood a good chance of getting dates.

I think in the modern era young "dateable" women are much more overworked (doing multiple jobs or long hours) and tend to communicate more on social media than the previous generation. I think there's good data that young women screen potential dating partners online even after meeting them F2F. they can talk to friends in real time about potential partners.

I've spoken to nephews and nieces and they tell me that young men don't find somebody in highschool or university then it becomes harder and harder once they hit the workforce. Women are more acutely hypergamous online and even I noticed in the 1990s that average women wanted men who looked like Brad Pitt and earned money like Bill Gates, It's one of the main reasons I went overseas to find a wife.



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07 Dec 2022, 3:37 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
I feel sorry for any black guys who might read this thread and feel inadequate if they don't meet the stereotype about size etc. I


It's funny, I've only met black men when I was in Malaysia. In Australia black men are rare to meet (African American men are even more rare).

Through speaking to friends who have associated with black men here in Melbourne, they are quite popular with girls. I think part of the reason is they are disproportionately represented in the media in sport, music and entertainment.



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07 Dec 2022, 3:43 pm

cyberdad wrote:
I've spoken to nephews and nieces and they tell me that young men don't find somebody in highschool or university then it becomes harder and harder once they hit the workforce. Women are more acutely hypergamous online and even I noticed in the 1990s that average women wanted men who looked like Brad Pitt and earned money like Bill Gates, It's one of the main reasons I went overseas to find a wife.


I've heard enough men say this that I can't disagree. It must be happening on some level, and especially for autistic men. I've always shown considerable compassion for the single autistic men on here (the ones who don't berate and objectify women ...) so yeah, I think that's sad. It's hard for me to imagine because my son has always been incredibly popular and never had trouble finding a date or long term girlfriend. He's had his heart broken but after a period of mourning he always finds someone new. His current partner is amazing and she makes a lot more money than he does. His friends have all had girlfriends for many years too, except for a couple of guys who didn't want to date until finishing school or establishing good careers.

My daughter didn't demonstrate any of that behaviour re: boys. She was with her boyfriend for a few years, and she liked him because of his interests and talents rather than a demographic. She's not dating guys anymore so it's a non-issue now.

My brother's wife is from overseas. He had quite a few girlfriends before meeting her though. I'm not sure if their relationship is going to last or not but that's another issue.