What Am I Even Supposed To Do To?

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magz
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10 Feb 2023, 4:53 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:

magz wrote:

I'm sorry, I've been suicidal many times and I know how bad it is but...
The brutal reality is, no girlfriend will show up to drag you out of depression.
Even in my happy marriage, it does not work that way.

I understand that's unlikely to happen, but that just makes me feel more depressed and hopeless.

I dont think it's possible to get to a mentally healthy place while I have this gaping romantic void in my life, but I also doubt that I'm going to be able to have much dating success until I'm mentally healthier.

I've dealt with this for so long now that my resilience and optimism for the future are just gone.

To me it seems the only way out is suicide.

Do you have friends?
I mean real ones - people you genuinely enjoy spending time with.

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The Grand Inquisitor
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10 Feb 2023, 4:54 am

magz wrote:

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:

magz wrote:

Do you have friends?

No, not really. Nobody I feel at ease asking to hang out with or anything like that.

Last edited by The Grand Inquisitor on 10 Feb 2023, 5:00 am, edited 1 time in total.

magz
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10 Feb 2023, 4:55 am

I believe that's the heart of the problem. A lot of the expectations you appear to be putting on romance are actually what friends are for.

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The Grand Inquisitor
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10 Feb 2023, 5:08 am

magz wrote:

I believe that's the heart of the problem. A lot of the expectations you appear to be putting on romance are actually what friends are for.

Not having friends isn’t helping matters, but it's only been a couple of years that I haven't really had friends, and I was still very depressed about the lack of romance in my life when I did have friends.

What I'm craving more than anything, and wanting to die over not having, are things that are confined to a romantic or sexual dynamic, not a platonic one. My main hangups are wanting to be accepted as a heterosexual man by a heterosexual woman, and wanting to experience physical intimacy with a heterosexual woman who wants me as a heterosexual man.

Platonic relationships can't offer me what I need in this respect.

r00tb33r
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10 Feb 2023, 5:12 am

^ Those are biological reproductive needs, and thus natural selection applies.

What I'm really saying is, there's no way to console you. You can improve, or roll the dice as is.

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Last edited by r00tb33r on 10 Feb 2023, 5:18 am, edited 1 time in total.

magz
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10 Feb 2023, 5:13 am

What happened to your friendships?

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The Grand Inquisitor
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10 Feb 2023, 5:14 am

magz wrote:

What happened to your friendships?

Fizzled out over time.

The friend I was closest to basically just stopped responding to me.

magz
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10 Feb 2023, 5:17 am

Is there any situation in your life where you can enjoy your time with other people?

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r00tb33r
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10 Feb 2023, 5:20 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:

magz wrote:

What happened to your friendships?

Fizzled out over time.

The friend I was closest to basically just stopped responding to me.

I've been there myself. But ask yourself this, at that point, or just before, were you being a friend to them, or being a drain who overstayed the welcome?

Brutally honest, there was a point where I was no longer fun and no longer useful.

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The Grand Inquisitor
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10 Feb 2023, 5:21 am

magz wrote:

Is there any situation in your life where you can enjoy your time with other people?

Really just family. Not sure if you'd count trivia nights I help coordinate or not.

In any case, no amount of platonic interactions are going to alleviate my suffering regarding the trouble I'm having romantically.

The Grand Inquisitor
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10 Feb 2023, 5:24 am

r00tb33r wrote:

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:

magz wrote:

What happened to your friendships?

Fizzled out over time.

The friend I was closest to basically just stopped responding to me.

I don't think so. If anything, he was the one being the bad friend with the way he was treating me sometimes. I didn't initiate many activities with him but that went both ways.

magz
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10 Feb 2023, 5:37 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:

magz wrote:

Is there any situation in your life where you can enjoy your time with other people?

Really just family. Not sure if you'd count trivia nights I help coordinate or not.

Do you enjoy them?

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:

In any case, no amount of platonic interactions are going to alleviate my suffering regarding the trouble I'm having romantically.

If you believe so, you put horrible expectations on your hypothetical girlfriend.

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kraftiekortie
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10 Feb 2023, 5:45 am

Romance is no panacea.

Yes, there are people who experience “young love” while they are quite old.

I just hope, when you do experience physical intimacy, that it doesn’t turn out to be an anticlimax. It was somewhat like that with me.

You look like a strong guy….certainly stronger than me.

I bet you ARE a good mechanic or whatever.

The Grand Inquisitor
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10 Feb 2023, 5:47 am

magz wrote:

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:

magz wrote:

Is there any situation in your life where you can enjoy your time with other people?

Really just family. Not sure if you'd count trivia nights I help coordinate or not.

Do you enjoy them?

Yes, when I'm not overwhelmed with depression.

magz wrote:

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:

In any case, no amount of platonic interactions are going to alleviate my suffering regarding the trouble I'm having romantically.

If you believe so, you put horrible expectations on your hypothetical girlfriend.

It's a different need, the same way that no amount of eating will quench my thirst.

I'm not depressed because I don't have friends, or because I'm not having platonic interactions. What I'm depressed about is all very specifically the romantic and dating side of my life, and my present and historic lack of success in that arena.

Just having a partner whom I feel accepted by and can be intimate with would pretty much alleviate my depression. That's all I'm asking for.

Specifically, what horrible expectations do you think I'm putting on a hypothetical partner?

r00tb33r
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10 Feb 2023, 5:50 am

kraftiekortie wrote:

There are photos in this thread? I quickly scrolled through it but didn't see any. Strictly for the sake of discussion, LoL.

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magz
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10 Feb 2023, 5:50 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:

Just having a partner whom I feel accepted by and can be intimate with would pretty much alleviate my depression.

That's only what you imagine. Real life data does not confirm - it does not work that way.

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:

Specifically, what horrible expectations do you think I'm putting on a hypothetical partner?

To take the whole depression away from you.

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Let's not confuse being normal with being mentally healthy.

<not moderating PPR stuff concerning East Europe>

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