What Am I Even Supposed To Do To?
16 Feb 2023, 3:28 am
Nades wrote:
I would start trying to lose the pounds first. It's the first step you can make even without a job or girlfriend that will increase your odds of at least getting a girlfriend.
I want to, but I don't have much faith in that achieving the results it needs to, as I lost 40kg before and it made no difference to my dating prospects or love life. If it had, I very much doubt I would have gained the weight back.
The big problem I'm having with diet is that I don't know what to eat, I have very little in preparing or cook food, and I'm a very picky eater, so it's hard to find healthy meals I enjoy.
16 Feb 2023, 4:37 am
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Nades wrote:
I would start trying to lose the pounds first. It's the first step you can make even without a job or girlfriend that will increase your odds of at least getting a girlfriend.
I want to, but I don't have much faith in that achieving the results it needs to, as I lost 40kg before and it made no difference to my dating prospects or love life. If it had, I very much doubt I would have gained the weight back.
The big problem I'm having with diet is that I don't know what to eat, I have very little in preparing or cook food, and I'm a very picky eater, so it's hard to find healthy meals I enjoy.
It depends on exactly how small you became. It's an impressive amount of weight to lose actually, but if you were still in the overweight range it might not have been noticeable enough. Also, tailored exercise to your own strengths and weaknesses can be a pretty fun while also adding a hobby to your list.
With all this time on your hands now, it's probably the ideal time to try and get in the normal weight range. That won't alone make much difference with getting a girlfriend, but adding a job and new vigour to life because you lost so much weight will help a lot.
16 Feb 2023, 5:39 am
Being a bit chubby is not a deal-breaker.
This guy certainly has no trouble….
https://people.com/home/ben-napier-erin ... -timeline/
They met and fell in love long before they were famous. He was a broke college student when they met.
16 Feb 2023, 5:59 am
kraftiekortie wrote:
Being a bit chubby is not a deal-breaker.
This guy certainly has no trouble….
https://people.com/home/ben-napier-erin ... -timeline/
They met and fell in love long before they were famous. He was a broke college student when they met.
This guy certainly has no trouble….
https://people.com/home/ben-napier-erin ... -timeline/
They met and fell in love long before they were famous. He was a broke college student when they met.
But being broke, older, on the chubby side and autistic is different.
Like Pepe said, it's about increasing the odds.
16 Feb 2023, 6:37 am
Nades wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Nades wrote:
I would start trying to lose the pounds first. It's the first step you can make even without a job or girlfriend that will increase your odds of at least getting a girlfriend.
I want to, but I don't have much faith in that achieving the results it needs to, as I lost 40kg before and it made no difference to my dating prospects or love life. If it had, I very much doubt I would have gained the weight back.
The big problem I'm having with diet is that I don't know what to eat, I have very little in preparing or cook food, and I'm a very picky eater, so it's hard to find healthy meals I enjoy.
It depends on exactly how small you became. It's an impressive amount of weight to lose actually, but if you were still in the overweight range it might not have been noticeable enough. Also, tailored exercise to your own strengths and weaknesses can be a pretty fun while also adding a hobby to your list.
With all this time on your hands now, it's probably the ideal time to try and get in the normal weight range. That won't alone make much difference with getting a girlfriend, but adding a job and new vigour to life because you lost so much weight will help a lot.
I'm 180cm and went from 121kg to 78kg. I had a BMI of 24 or 25. Everybody noticed my weight loss, and I was at a weight where most people probably wouldn't call me fat. I wasn't fit either though.
It's not like I haven't tried to lose weight. From July to September last year I lost about 6kg, but I have since put 8kg back on. I'm currently 110kg. I don't see stable weight loss being achieved until I'm not burdened by these unmet needs I have as a human being. A simple maybe is an insufficient motivator for vigorous change.
At the moment I'm feeling like I'm going to get nowhere no matter what I do anyway, and that makes it challenging to be motivated to do anything.
I'm struggling with difficult feelings that really need to be appeased before I'm in an optimal position to move forward with other goals.
16 Feb 2023, 6:39 am
Nades wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
Being a bit chubby is not a deal-breaker.
This guy certainly has no trouble….
https://people.com/home/ben-napier-erin ... -timeline/
They met and fell in love long before they were famous. He was a broke college student when they met.
This guy certainly has no trouble….
https://people.com/home/ben-napier-erin ... -timeline/
They met and fell in love long before they were famous. He was a broke college student when they met.
But being broke, older, on the chubby side and autistic is different.
Like Pepe said, it's about increasing the odds.
Self-evident...
Confidence is a big plus in more situations than not, tho some women might feel compassion for the guy.
16 Feb 2023, 6:50 am
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Nades wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Nades wrote:
I would start trying to lose the pounds first. It's the first step you can make even without a job or girlfriend that will increase your odds of at least getting a girlfriend.
I want to, but I don't have much faith in that achieving the results it needs to, as I lost 40kg before and it made no difference to my dating prospects or love life. If it had, I very much doubt I would have gained the weight back.
The big problem I'm having with diet is that I don't know what to eat, I have very little in preparing or cook food, and I'm a very picky eater, so it's hard to find healthy meals I enjoy.
It depends on exactly how small you became. It's an impressive amount of weight to lose actually, but if you were still in the overweight range it might not have been noticeable enough. Also, tailored exercise to your own strengths and weaknesses can be a pretty fun while also adding a hobby to your list.
With all this time on your hands now, it's probably the ideal time to try and get in the normal weight range. That won't alone make much difference with getting a girlfriend, but adding a job and new vigour to life because you lost so much weight will help a lot.
I'm 180cm and went from 121kg to 78kg. I had a BMI of 24 or 25. Everybody noticed my weight loss, and I was at a weight where most people probably wouldn't call me fat. I wasn't fit either though.
It's not like I haven't tried to lose weight. From July to September last year I lost about 6kg, but I have since put 8kg back on. I'm currently 110kg. I don't see stable weight loss being achieved until I'm not burdened by these unmet needs I have as a human being. A simple maybe is an insufficient motivator for vigorous change.
At the moment I'm feeling like I'm going to get nowhere no matter what I do anyway, and that makes it challenging to be motivated to do anything.
I'm struggling with difficult feelings that really need to be appeased before I'm in an optimal position to move forward with other goals.
You'll struggle to achieve those unmet needs until you get the basics sorted out first. You can alter your weight an impressive amount compared to a lot of others I've met in reality. It's certainly possible again and is a nice first step.
16 Feb 2023, 4:04 pm
Nades wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Nades wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Nades wrote:
I would start trying to lose the pounds first. It's the first step you can make even without a job or girlfriend that will increase your odds of at least getting a girlfriend.
I want to, but I don't have much faith in that achieving the results it needs to, as I lost 40kg before and it made no difference to my dating prospects or love life. If it had, I very much doubt I would have gained the weight back.
The big problem I'm having with diet is that I don't know what to eat, I have very little in preparing or cook food, and I'm a very picky eater, so it's hard to find healthy meals I enjoy.
It depends on exactly how small you became. It's an impressive amount of weight to lose actually, but if you were still in the overweight range it might not have been noticeable enough. Also, tailored exercise to your own strengths and weaknesses can be a pretty fun while also adding a hobby to your list.
With all this time on your hands now, it's probably the ideal time to try and get in the normal weight range. That won't alone make much difference with getting a girlfriend, but adding a job and new vigour to life because you lost so much weight will help a lot.
I'm 180cm and went from 121kg to 78kg. I had a BMI of 24 or 25. Everybody noticed my weight loss, and I was at a weight where most people probably wouldn't call me fat. I wasn't fit either though.
It's not like I haven't tried to lose weight. From July to September last year I lost about 6kg, but I have since put 8kg back on. I'm currently 110kg. I don't see stable weight loss being achieved until I'm not burdened by these unmet needs I have as a human being. A simple maybe is an insufficient motivator for vigorous change.
At the moment I'm feeling like I'm going to get nowhere no matter what I do anyway, and that makes it challenging to be motivated to do anything.
I'm struggling with difficult feelings that really need to be appeased before I'm in an optimal position to move forward with other goals.
You'll struggle to achieve those unmet needs until you get the basics sorted out first. You can alter your weight an impressive amount compared to a lot of others I've met in reality. It's certainly possible again and is a nice first step.
I'll struggle to achieve sustainable weight loss while I'm so upset and emotionally volatile. I'm not likely to prioritise the right things in food and drink while I lack the will to live.
Emotional appeasement has to come first. Weight loss will follow.
16 Feb 2023, 4:09 pm
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
This may sound like an odd question, but what is it about romance that appeals to you?
Positive experiences with romantic acceptance and intimacy come with feelings that are more pleasurable than anything else I could hope to experience. I'm not okay living in a world where I don't get to have that for myself, but everybody around me has it or has had it. I feel so ripped off and upset that I've had to miss out, and I don't see any possibility of having a life I care to live if this is going to continue to be the case.
The simple answer is that having romance would give me emotional sustenance in a way that nothing else can, and not being able to have a romantic partner and being someone who can't get a girlfriend torments me endlessly in various different ways, and leads me down paths of existential despair.
I understand that you want the feelings.
I have alexithymia though, so I don't really feel things the way others do.
I'm sincerely curious which aspects of "romance" appeal to you?
Is it that you want to know that another person cares about you?
Or are you more interested in caring about them and feeling love for them?
I know ideally we want both, but which one stands out as more desirable?
How is romance different from close friendship, apart from the physical stuff?
(I'm not challenging you at all -- I'm just having deep thoughts about the notion of romance.)
16 Feb 2023, 4:43 pm
IsabellaLinton wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
This may sound like an odd question, but what is it about romance that appeals to you?
Positive experiences with romantic acceptance and intimacy come with feelings that are more pleasurable than anything else I could hope to experience. I'm not okay living in a world where I don't get to have that for myself, but everybody around me has it or has had it. I feel so ripped off and upset that I've had to miss out, and I don't see any possibility of having a life I care to live if this is going to continue to be the case.
The simple answer is that having romance would give me emotional sustenance in a way that nothing else can, and not being able to have a romantic partner and being someone who can't get a girlfriend torments me endlessly in various different ways, and leads me down paths of existential despair.
I understand that you want the feelings.
I have alexithymia though, so I don't really feel things the way others do.
I'm sincerely curious which aspects of "romance" appeal to you?
Is it that you want to know that another person cares about you?
Or are you more interested in caring about them and feeling love for them?
I know ideally we want both, but which one stands out as more desirable?
How is romance different from close friendship, apart from the physical stuff?
(I'm not challenging you at all -- I'm just having deep thoughts about the notion of romance.)
What it boils down to is that I want to be accepted as a heterosexual man by a heterosexual woman, and I want to have access to physical intimacy with someone who wants to be physically intimate with me.
17 Feb 2023, 5:11 pm
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
This may sound like an odd question, but what is it about romance that appeals to you?
Positive experiences with romantic acceptance and intimacy come with feelings that are more pleasurable than anything else I could hope to experience. I'm not okay living in a world where I don't get to have that for myself, but everybody around me has it or has had it. I feel so ripped off and upset that I've had to miss out, and I don't see any possibility of having a life I care to live if this is going to continue to be the case.
The simple answer is that having romance would give me emotional sustenance in a way that nothing else can, and not being able to have a romantic partner and being someone who can't get a girlfriend torments me endlessly in various different ways, and leads me down paths of existential despair.
I understand that you want the feelings.
I have alexithymia though, so I don't really feel things the way others do.
I'm sincerely curious which aspects of "romance" appeal to you?
Is it that you want to know that another person cares about you?
Or are you more interested in caring about them and feeling love for them?
I know ideally we want both, but which one stands out as more desirable?
How is romance different from close friendship, apart from the physical stuff?
(I'm not challenging you at all -- I'm just having deep thoughts about the notion of romance.)
What it boils down to is that I want to be accepted as a heterosexual man by a heterosexual woman, and I want to have access to physical intimacy with someone who wants to be physically intimate with me.
Does even a single casual fling count?
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