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How To Get A Girlfriend If You're An Autistic Man

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IsabellaLinton
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23 Jan 2023, 8:42 pm

Great posts by Mona, TGI and Zakatar that I hadn't seen before.

I agree with all your points of view.
I wouldn't want to initiate a conversation with anyone either, so I feel for you guys.


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ironpony
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23 Jan 2023, 9:08 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
ironpony wrote:
I was just asking questions made on the previous post in this thread, that autistic women have it easier with NT men compared to the other way around. I was just asking questions on the post, and trying to keep an open mind.


I don't see a previous post which says autistic women have it easier than autistic men.
The only post I see suggests looks helps both genders, but in the poster's case it led to exploitation.
That's clearly not anyone's goal.

Chances are we're all quite good looking.

The issue that I had raised is that personality and the way we treat others matters just as much as all the rest.
Probably much, much more.


Oh I see. I was referring to this post from before:

Zakatar wrote:
Hot Take: There is another side of this coin. Since most NT women won’t give us the time of day unless we’re at least a 9/10 on the looks scale (which the vast majority of us obviously aren’t), Autustic women need to become more open to dating Autistic men too. The amount of Autistic women I’ve met who are in relationships with NT men disheartens me and makes me feel like no matter how hard I try to “work on myself”, I’ll never be successful in this department.



The Grand Inquisitor
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23 Jan 2023, 9:20 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
ironpony wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
We've been saying it for years.
Most men just don't believe us.

Not to belittle men's struggles, but it's true.


Saying what, that looks are necessary?



That personality is necessary. ^

Lots of autistic men seem to worry about looks, jobs, money, etc., because they feel inferior in the dating market. While some of that can certainly help anyone (men or women) to feel more confident or meet a wider range of people, if they don't have a good personality no one will want want to stay with them longer term. Those things might work for a hookup but no one wants to date / marry a person who can't make conversation or show some growth of character.

(I'm not suggesting autistic men don't have good personalities, just that they often think it's not important to women / other men as prospective partners.)

I'd say that's because most of us believe that our personalities are decent, and yet we lack success in dating all the same. Something must not be working.

Personality can win someone over whom you're already getting to know, but since personality isn't immediately visible, it's limited in its capacity to entice someone to want to give you a chance in the first place. This is especially true for those of us who are introverted or reserved.



IsabellaLinton
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23 Jan 2023, 9:28 pm

Good point.

I hope it didn't sound like I'm unsympathetic.

It's just that some men on here laugh when I say "personality" or "sense of humour".

These are often the same men who lack both, but insist that going to the gym will help.


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IsabellaLinton
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23 Jan 2023, 9:40 pm

ironpony wrote:
I was referring to this post from before:

Zakatar wrote:
Hot Take: There is another side of this coin. Since most NT women won’t give us the time of day unless we’re at least a 9/10 on the looks scale (which the vast majority of us obviously aren’t), Autustic women need to become more open to dating Autistic men too. The amount of Autistic women I’ve met who are in relationships with NT men disheartens me and makes me feel like no matter how hard I try to “work on myself”, I’ll never be successful in this department.


Thanks for showing me the post.

I'm sorry if that's been Zakatar's experience.
Personally, I don't know any autistic women who have that point of view.

I give the time of day to lots of men on here who are autistic.
(I don't know a lot of autistic men irl so this is my litmus test.)

I have no idea what most of the men here look like in real life.
I think they're amazing without ever seeing their face.
There have been a few men here I would have dated, no questions asked.

That's always been based on personality and the way they treat people.
We can photoshop our looks, but not our character.


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The Grand Inquisitor
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24 Jan 2023, 1:51 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
Good point.

I hope it didn't sound like I'm unsympathetic.

It's just that some men on here laugh when I say "personality" or "sense of humour".

These are often the same men who lack both, but insist that going to the gym will help.

No, you don't come across as unsympathetic at all. I understand where you're coming from.

It's really sad that social disabilities and outdated gender roles are so restricting to the dating prospects of some of us who are decent people.



IsabellaLinton
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24 Jan 2023, 3:38 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
Good point.

I hope it didn't sound like I'm unsympathetic.

It's just that some men on here laugh when I say "personality" or "sense of humour".

These are often the same men who lack both, but insist that going to the gym will help.

No, you don't come across as unsympathetic at all. I understand where you're coming from.

It's really sad that social disabilities and outdated gender roles are so restricting to the dating prospects of some of us who are decent people.


Hugs.
I agree.

Dating requires all the skills we find most difficult.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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24 Jan 2023, 3:39 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
Good point.

I hope it didn't sound like I'm unsympathetic.

It's just that some men on here laugh when I say "personality" or "sense of humour".

These are often the same men who lack both, but insist that going to the gym will help.


I have been constantly having girlfriends/dates since 2016 and I still laugh at those who claim that only "perosnality" and "sense of humour" matter. So, here I am: BaHAHAHAHA. :lol: :lol:

The Grand Inquistor is right, personality is not written on foreheads.



Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 24 Jan 2023, 3:42 am, edited 2 times in total.

IsabellaLinton
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24 Jan 2023, 3:42 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
Good point.

I hope it didn't sound like I'm unsympathetic.

It's just that some men on here laugh when I say "personality" or "sense of humour".

These are often the same men who lack both, but insist that going to the gym will help.


I have been constantly having girlfriends/dates since 2016 and I still laugh at those who claim that only "perosnality" and "sense of humour" matter. So, here I am: BaHAHAHAHA. :lol: :lol:

The Grand Inquistor is right, personality is not written on foreheads.


I didn’t say it’s all that matters.
But glad you have a good sense of humour
:D

Also I said personality is needed to sustain a relationship after they’ve seen your forehead several times. It doesn’t have to be the way you meet.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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24 Jan 2023, 3:44 am

And yes, going to gym does help, so...stop trying to promote the idea that it doesn't. A healthy lifestyle/body is certainly more attractive than one isn't. :wink:



IsabellaLinton
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24 Jan 2023, 3:49 am

I prefer men who get fit by doing physical work like chopping wood, hiking, walking dogs, playing hockey, building homes, volunteering with Red Cross etc instead of going to a gym to stare at themselves in a mirror while riding a fake bike beside a bunch of other men.

I’m not going to stop sharing my opinion just like you don’t need to stop sharing yours.

I didn’t say men can’t ever go to the gym, regardless. Just that it’s not the only thing we care about whether some of you believe it or not.


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IsabellaLinton
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24 Jan 2023, 3:57 am

If this thread was about getting laid or having a hookup I’d be more inclined to agree personality might not matter as much as physical chemistry, but the thread is about finding girlfriends. Presumably that means dating and having a relationship. I don’t know about you but I date people, not bodies. Sex drive fades for most couples no matter how hot they are. My love for personalities has never faded.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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24 Jan 2023, 3:59 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
I prefer men who get fit by doing physical work like chopping wood, hiking, walking dogs, playing hockey, building homes, volunteering with Red Cross etc instead of going to a gym to stare at themselves in a mirror while riding a fake bike beside a bunch of other men.


You know, not all of us men can afford to be in a forever recreational vacation doing these stuff.
Building homes? Only licenced builders should be allowed to build homes nowadays. :|

Believe it or not, some of us live in cities doing jobs in our daily life, and gym is one of the few options we have to stay fit.



Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 24 Jan 2023, 4:00 am, edited 1 time in total.

IsabellaLinton
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24 Jan 2023, 4:00 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
I prefer men who get fit by doing physical work like chopping wood, hiking, walking dogs, playing hockey, building homes, volunteering with Red Cross etc instead of going to a gym to stare at themselves in a mirror while riding a fake bike beside a bunch of other men.


You know, not all of us men can afford to be in a forever recreational vacations doing these stuff.
Building homes? Only licenced builders should be allowed to build homes nowadays. :|

Believe it or not, some of us live in cities doing jobs, and gym is one of the few options we have to stay fit.


Sorry , phone issues.
It was an example.
Build a doghouse.
Build a shed.
Build with a volunteer group.
Fix your parents’ fence.
Fix your own roof.
We live in the city and my dad / brother did all that.
Whatever — It’s just an example.

It looks like you go hiking with your partner. Thats good exercise.


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IsabellaLinton
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24 Jan 2023, 4:05 am

Also please stop treating me like I’m some kinda of Prima Donna or an idiot who is out of touch. I have sons almost your age who never set foot in a gym but they’re very strong and athletic. Neither have gone without a girlfriend very long at all.

I just asked my partner if he used to go to gyms. He’s never done that except in PE classes or when he played men’s league ice hockey. It was part of training. His bod is from authentic exercise which accomplishes work and saves money, rather than gym exercise where you have to pay them.


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magz
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24 Jan 2023, 4:26 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
And yes, going to gym does help, so...stop trying to promote the idea that it doesn't. A healthy lifestyle/body is certainly more attractive than one isn't. :wink:

Even better: find a sport/physical activity you genuinely enjoy and do it :D
Works for both appearance and personality 8)


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