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GadgetGuru
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28 Nov 2023, 7:10 am

Howdy, all!

I wrote my earlier "dating profile" in this thread back when I was in a very deep mental hole, and in full-on self-deprecation mode, bordering on imminent self-destruction. I have since recovered to a significant degree. I've been in the East since mid October, visiting family here in Florida and also some friends in the Northeast.

Also, with the help of some dear friends, and after a year of consideration, I have very recently self-diagnosed with ADHD, and have discovered that the applicable meds do wonders for some of my most serious "issues" that have so plagued my life. I'll have to get an official diagnosis, of course, to qualify for a prescription, and I'll look into that.
My previous diagnosis from two years ago of ASD Level 1 certainly still rings VERY true, but my still very nascent understanding of ADHD really fills in the gaps in understanding that remained after the ASD diagnosis, and which I had previously filled with a self-diagnosis of PDA. I think the PDA criteria still apply very accurately to me, but PDA is not an official diagnosis in the USA, and there seems to be a significant overlap between PDA and ADHD.

I've also resumed being on online dating services in earnest, for the first time since 2008, and it's been very interesting! Even when being very open about my issues, I've managed to have some amazing conversations with some fascinating women in their 50s. There has been more than a hint of self-realization in these women that they are likely undiscovered neurodivergents, rather confirming my suspicion that I'm perhaps only fully compatible with women with such a mindset. My retrospective look at my past relationships, including those that never came to be, but became friendships, makes me realize just how massively over-represented neurodivergence is among those women that I've previously, and recently, been able to emotionally connect with...

Here's what I have as the current main text of my profile on a major dating site (one that was the source of 4 of the 5 dates I ever went on, all those years ago):

"TRAVEL NOTE:
I live in Nevada, but I'm in Leesburg, Florida, at the moment, visiting family.
I should be back in Nevada some time in December or January.

I am a very altitudinous Zen Objectivist, and an iconoclastic conformist, a laser-focused dilettante, a skeptical psychonaut, a former boy genius and currently stoopit man.

I am a VERY late-diagnosed Autistic Human (AuDHD), daftly intellectual, temporally transient, conventionally-underperforming eternal outsider with a deep interest in delving into the minds of my fellow misfits.

I will befuddle and impress you in alternate turns, and leave a lasting impression that will require some processing time to integrate.

I have a vast array of technical, mental and communication skills, vastly underutilized due to the many challenges engendered by my neurotype. Equally broad is the remaining unexplored territory of my own interests, connections to others and self-realization. Exploring this uncharted domain is an endeavor of never ending allure.

Time spent learning something new is never wasted, whether that knowledge is of another mind, a new place, a useful skill or a simple fact.

Kindled in the Northeast, I rebooted my life in the Summer of 2009 and drove my rattletrap old car out West, where I've been ever since, more or less. I'm ready for another big change, but a new course of navigation hasn't yet coalesced for me. Perhaps my favorite option is to simply remain just where I am in physicality, but restart my existence in every other way. Starting over in fresh surroundings is also appealing.

I hope to find someone with a mind running on wetware wired in a similarly atypical way as my own. One who has not yet been completely vanquished by the passage of time nor the torments and delights of this maddening pseudo-reality that most seem to accept without reflection.

Also of interest are those who although they are neurotypical, have lived close enough to the high fence dividing humanity to have often listened to those of us on the other side through the gaps in the boards, and learned to speak our language. I would love to take advantage of your ability to translate your world for me, and would hope to return the favor.

I find the Japanese art of Kintsugi to be applicable when contemplating the flaws that beset us all. Instead of attempting to conceal or erase our fractured elements, why not artistically highlight the joins that made us whole again?

The far too-concise version of my current financial status is that I spent 13 years in total submission to the plans and dreams of my ex partner.

I was essentially her full time unpaid builder, rental property repairman, grease monkey, equipment operator, IT technician, online sales and purchasing coordinator, long-range trucker, animal housing builder, self-defense instructor and security provider, and MANY other roles.

I was always happy to be all of this and more for her, to the full extent of my limited energy.

But my own personal projects and financial gains always took a lower priority.

So, my income during this time was very limited. My current "assets" are meager and illiquid.

When the relationship ended, I was left with what amounts to a restart of my life.

Although I now know much more about the sources and potential workarounds of my limitations, how this will play out from here on out is quite the mystery, one that I find tantalizing, not overwhelming.

I've had to develop a level of resiliency that I did not possess in my younger years. I hope that this will allow me to cope with my new life situation well, but there can be NO promises about a specific level of performance in the financial realm.

No one owes me anything, in regard to accommodating my HIGHLY unusual life experience or my "failure to thrive" (so far), by any conventional measure, so please skip right past my profile, if you've managed to read this far, and find my "score" in life too low to meet your expectations."

Here's a recent photo of me, one of the variety I have been using on the dating site(s):

Image

It's NOT up to my former standard of only using properly artistic photo techniques for profile photos, to be sure, but is also a realistic image of what my nearly two-meter-tall odd bod looks like, at the moment...

I also have a potentially significant upcoming event in my life, likely in March, when I will very likely be a volunteer subject in a clinical trial at the National Institute of Health in Bethesda, Maryland, for a 5-week in-patient fMRI study. I am very much looking forward to this!


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28 Nov 2023, 7:29 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
I'd seriously date you. ^
Damn!, Me, too!

But Isabella is the better person than me, by FAR, so go with her!


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28 Nov 2023, 7:32 am

TwilightPrincess wrote:
I just read back over my dating profile. I‘m absolutely irresistible. At least, my boyfriend thinks so. :lol:
Agreed!


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28 Nov 2023, 7:52 am

One of the most interesting parts of attempting to "match" here, is that any potential mate can go back and peruse the whole of one's publicly-revealed Arc of Madness on this site.

How very cool, and what better way to filter out those who "can't handle the truth"?


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28 Nov 2023, 8:00 am

It might also be interesting to have those that are interested in profiles here to respond publicly, in this thread, if willing. Those that have posted profiles here should probably indicate their willingness to be "openly courted".

I, for one, would be happy to oblige any public responses, mediocre though the "prize" that is me may be...

It would be fascinating to witness at least the overtures of Autistic Courtship here, before privacy and decorum necessitate the furtherance of the budding relationship to be taken behind closed doors.

What I propose would be in a different form than the rather exploitative "Love On The Spectrum" format...


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rse92
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28 Nov 2023, 8:12 am

GadgetGuru wrote:
Howdy, all!

I wrote my earlier "dating profile" in this thread back when I was in a very deep mental hole, and in full-on self-deprecation mode, bordering on imminent self-destruction. I have since recovered to a significant degree. I've been in the East since mid October, visiting family here in Florida and also some friends in the Northeast.

Also, with the help of some dear friends, and after a year of consideration, I have very recently self-diagnosed with ADHD, and have discovered that the applicable meds do wonders for some of my most serious "issues" that have so plagued my life. I'll have to get an official diagnosis, of course, to qualify for a prescription, and I'll look into that.
My previous diagnosis from two years ago of ASD Level 1 certainly still rings VERY true, but my still very nascent understanding of ADHD really fills in the gaps in understanding that remained after the ASD diagnosis, and which I had previously filled with a self-diagnosis of PDA. I think the PDA criteria still apply very accurately to me, but PDA is not an official diagnosis in the USA, and there seems to be a significant overlap between PDA and ADHD.

I've also resumed being on online dating services in earnest, for the first time since 2008, and it's been very interesting! Even when being very open about my issues, I've managed to have some amazing conversations with some fascinating women in their 50s. There has been more than a hint of self-realization in these women that they are likely undiscovered neurodivergents, rather confirming my suspicion that I'm perhaps only fully compatible with women with such a mindset. My retrospective look at my past relationships, including those that never came to be, but became friendships, makes me realize just how massively over-represented neurodivergence is among those women that I've previously, and recently, been able to emotionally connect with...

Here's what I have as the current main text of my profile on a major dating site (one that was the source of 4 of the 5 dates I ever went on, all those years ago):

"TRAVEL NOTE:
I live in Nevada, but I'm in Leesburg, Florida, at the moment, visiting family.
I should be back in Nevada some time in December or January.

I am a very altitudinous Zen Objectivist, and an iconoclastic conformist, a laser-focused dilettante, a skeptical psychonaut, a former boy genius and currently stoopit man.

I am a VERY late-diagnosed Autistic Human (AuDHD), daftly intellectual, temporally transient, conventionally-underperforming eternal outsider with a deep interest in delving into the minds of my fellow misfits.

I will befuddle and impress you in alternate turns, and leave a lasting impression that will require some processing time to integrate.

I have a vast array of technical, mental and communication skills, vastly underutilized due to the many challenges engendered by my neurotype. Equally broad is the remaining unexplored territory of my own interests, connections to others and self-realization. Exploring this uncharted domain is an endeavor of never ending allure.

Time spent learning something new is never wasted, whether that knowledge is of another mind, a new place, a useful skill or a simple fact.

Kindled in the Northeast, I rebooted my life in the Summer of 2009 and drove my rattletrap old car out West, where I've been ever since, more or less. I'm ready for another big change, but a new course of navigation hasn't yet coalesced for me. Perhaps my favorite option is to simply remain just where I am in physicality, but restart my existence in every other way. Starting over in fresh surroundings is also appealing.

I hope to find someone with a mind running on wetware wired in a similarly atypical way as my own. One who has not yet been completely vanquished by the passage of time nor the torments and delights of this maddening pseudo-reality that most seem to accept without reflection.

Also of interest are those who although they are neurotypical, have lived close enough to the high fence dividing humanity to have often listened to those of us on the other side through the gaps in the boards, and learned to speak our language. I would love to take advantage of your ability to translate your world for me, and would hope to return the favor.

I find the Japanese art of Kintsugi to be applicable when contemplating the flaws that beset us all. Instead of attempting to conceal or erase our fractured elements, why not artistically highlight the joins that made us whole again?

The far too-concise version of my current financial status is that I spent 13 years in total submission to the plans and dreams of my ex partner.

I was essentially her full time unpaid builder, rental property repairman, grease monkey, equipment operator, IT technician, online sales and purchasing coordinator, long-range trucker, animal housing builder, self-defense instructor and security provider, and MANY other roles.

I was always happy to be all of this and more for her, to the full extent of my limited energy.

But my own personal projects and financial gains always took a lower priority.

So, my income during this time was very limited. My current "assets" are meager and illiquid.

When the relationship ended, I was left with what amounts to a restart of my life.

Although I now know much more about the sources and potential workarounds of my limitations, how this will play out from here on out is quite the mystery, one that I find tantalizing, not overwhelming.

I've had to develop a level of resiliency that I did not possess in my younger years. I hope that this will allow me to cope with my new life situation well, but there can be NO promises about a specific level of performance in the financial realm.

No one owes me anything, in regard to accommodating my HIGHLY unusual life experience or my "failure to thrive" (so far), by any conventional measure, so please skip right past my profile, if you've managed to read this far, and find my "score" in life too low to meet your expectations."

Here's a recent photo of me, one of the variety I have been using on the dating site(s):

Image

It's NOT up to my former standard of only using properly artistic photo techniques for profile photos, to be sure, but is also a realistic image of what my nearly two-meter-tall odd bod looks like, at the moment...

I also have a potentially significant upcoming event in my life, likely in March, when I will very likely be a volunteer subject in a clinical trial at the National Institute of Health in Bethesda, Maryland, for a 5-week in-patient fMRI study. I am very much looking forward to this!


You want a candid opinion?

Way, and I mean WAY, too much information.



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28 Nov 2023, 8:48 am

Mountain Goat wrote:
Haha! But I always tended to see myself as being younger than I am. Example. If I look at ladies I think are "My age" to date, they will often be around 10-20 years younger. I remember once following a group of young lads into a shop thinking I was their age and suddenly realizing I was twice their age!
My Great Granfather had the same issue, as when he was around 96 years old (He died at 98), they wanted him to spend afternoons at a nursing home so he could talk to people as he was rather isolated, and he went and came out again saying "I'm not going in a home filled with "Old people!"" He saw himself as being in his 20's and associated himself with people of that age! The ones he met in the nursing home were 20 years younger than he was! For years and years I saw myself as in my 20's but now I see myself as being around my mid 30's which causes a problem with dating.
It is often noted that Autistics "don't see age".

When I was about 21, I had a great relationship with the upstairs tenant in my parents house in Western NY. She was probably in her 70s, and was a German Jew, who was, of her family, the sole survivor of the Holocaust. We had so many long, great conversations, and went on drives together. Very much a "Harold and Maude" relationship (minus the sex and suicide!). And I've connected (as friends) with much older women in other cases, as well.

Although I often find myself attracted to younger women, it always feels more than a little "creepy" to me, so I restrain my impulses in this direction along the timeline...


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28 Nov 2023, 9:05 am

rse92 wrote:
GadgetGuru wrote:
Howdy, all!
You want a candid opinion?
Way, and I mean WAY, too much information.
Point well taken.

But my goal is to heavily filter out the inevitable failures on the first pass, compared to if I were to more carefully dole out my shortcomings, and run into a brick wall once the "full disclosure" stage is reached. This brick wall was crashed into at well over 100MPH, about 2-1/2 weeks into a conversation that started just hours after I posted my then-still-incomplete profile on a huge dating site, back in October.

I don't want that to happen again, thus the excess verbosity. I'm still "friends" on Facebook with that particular woman, but I didn't meet her needs in some ways, relationship-wise, so that avenue ended abruptly. I was fully prepared for this failure, but she, perhaps, was not, so I don't want to risk causing any disappointment of that kind, again...

Darron


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28 Nov 2023, 9:20 am

^^^

People can post as much or as little as they'd like. I caution against sharing our personal and identifying information but everything else is fair game, if members want to be more candid.

The point of this thread is for us to practise writing dating profiles, since many have mentioned having difficulty attracting people through online dating.

Constructive or friendly feedback is welcome, though.


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rse92
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28 Nov 2023, 9:38 am

GadgetGuru wrote:
rse92 wrote:
GadgetGuru wrote:
Howdy, all!
You want a candid opinion?
Way, and I mean WAY, too much information.
Point well taken.

But my goal is to heavily filter out the inevitable failures on the first pass, compared to if I were to more carefully dole out my shortcomings, and run into a brick wall once the "full disclosure" stage is reached. This brick wall was crashed into at well over 100MPH, about 2-1/2 weeks into a conversation that started just hours after I posted my then-still-incomplete profile on a huge dating site, back in October.

I don't want that to happen again, thus the excess verbosity. I'm still "friends" on Facebook with that particular woman, but I didn't meet her needs in some ways, relationship-wise, so that avenue ended abruptly. I was fully prepared for this failure, but she, perhaps, was not, so I don't want to risk causing any disappointment of that kind, again...

Darron


Here is some constructive feedback from a man who met his second wife on line and made at least one other relationship and more than three situationships on line, and I never wrote more than four sentences in my dating profile.

That profile will cause as many or more women to weed you out as you will weed out women. Your goal should be to get to the first meeting and then sell yourself. You can weed out someone after the first date or meeting. I had one date with more women, and no more, many times. On occasion the woman made that choice, but more often I did.

People might be kinder here to you than I am, but I am telling you what any professional who advises on dating profiles would.



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28 Nov 2023, 10:14 am

rse92 wrote:
That profile will cause as many or more women to weed you out as you will weed out women.
That is precisely my goal with this level of explicitness. I want any woman who "needs" a man who has proven himself conventionally worthy in the employment / financial realm to run away, screaming, after reading this.

My recent experience with the ADHD meds has whispered to me that I may well be capable of a lot more in this realm than I previously imagined, but I'm in no way going to make any such promises to anyone I might meet. My past results are much more relevant to my potential, thus far, than any imagined future upturn because of a big problem with executive function being hopefully lessened by a medication that I'm not even yet legally able to obtain.
rse92 wrote:
Your goal should be to get to the first meeting and then sell yourself.
My recent experience when meeting women (and NOT even in anything like a dating context, as I haven't been on a "date" since July, 2009) has shown me that even at my "advanced" age of soon-to-be 55, women who meet me in person almost instantly find me attractive, physically and emotionally, and I make them laugh their asses off, too (especially when I'm drunk).

This ability is at least partially because I'm now much more aware of my oddness, and am willing to show it to those few who find it amusing and / or endearing, while still masking away the worst of my autistic tendencies. This feels a bit "dirty" to me, but as long as I do it while self-aware, and disclose the core issues on display, I can cope.

This initial impression, though, will lead them to assume that I'm "all things to all people", and once they learn of my social limitations, mental health issues, and station in life, they will almost certainly be disappointed.

Even making enough of a connection online to want to meet in person seems unlikely. And because I live in a VERY remote, VERY sparsely populated area, an in-person meeting would likely involve substantial travel and expense.

So, best to avoid any false pretenses / lack of disclosure that would lead to disappointment after what was described to me as "an Epic Journey" by the woman that I was talking to for 2-1/2 weeks or so.

Fortunately, she came to her senses and inquired about the qualities I (currently) lack, and also suggested doing a video chat, before our imminent "date" that would have required both of us to travel a substantial distance. We had not even yet spoken on the phone, and were about to meet in a third state that was midway between where we each were, at the time.

So, I'm VERY glad that she had the emotional intelligence to pull herself out of her mesmerized state in time to avoid what would have likely been a calamity for both of us...
rse92 wrote:
People might be kinder here to you than I am, but I am telling you what any professional who advises on dating profiles would.
I do value your directness, but I'm not just "in this" for myself.

I very much want to avoiding hurting anyone who meets me in person, and develops a certain strong attachment right away, then becomes disappointed after my full scope becomes apparent.

Avoiding the causing of harm is something that I more highly value than my own potential to be in another LTR...


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28 Nov 2023, 10:23 am

GadgetGuru wrote:
rse92 wrote:
That profile will cause as many or more women to weed you out as you will weed out women.
That is precisely my goal with this level of explicitness. I want any woman who "needs" a man who has proven himself conventionally worthy in the employment / financial realm to run away, screaming, after reading this.

My recent experience with the ADHD meds has whispered to me that I may well be capable of a lot more in this realm than I previously imagined, but I'm in no way going to make any such promises to anyone I might meet. My past results are much more relevant to my potential, thus far, than any imagined future upturn because of a big problem with executive function being hopefully lessened by a medication that I'm not even yet legally able to obtain.
rse92 wrote:
Your goal should be to get to the first meeting and then sell yourself.
My recent experience when meeting women (and NOT even in anything like a dating context, as I haven't been on a "date" since July, 2009) has shown me that even at my "advanced" age of soon-to-be 55, women who meet me in person almost instantly find me attractive, physically and emotionally, and I make them laugh their asses off, too (especially when I'm drunk).

This ability is at least partially because I'm now much more aware of my oddness, and am willing to show it to those few who find it amusing and / or endearing, while still masking away the worst of my autistic tendencies. This feels a bit "dirty" to me, but as long as I do it while self-aware, and disclose the core issues on display, I can cope.

This initial impression, though, will lead them to assume that I'm "all things to all people", and once they learn of my social limitations, mental health issues, and station in life, they will almost certainly be disappointed.

Even making enough of a connection online to want to meet in person seems unlikely. And because I live in a VERY remote, VERY sparsely populated area, an in-person meeting would likely involve substantial travel and expense.

So, best to avoid any false pretenses / lack of disclosure that would lead to disappointment after what was described to me as "an Epic Journey" by the woman that I was talking to for 2-1/2 weeks or so.

Fortunately, she came to her senses and inquired about the qualities I (currently) lack, and also suggested doing a video chat, before our imminent "date" that would have required both of us to travel a substantial distance. We had not even yet spoken on the phone, and were about to meet in a third state that was midway between where we each were, at the time.

So, I'm VERY glad that she had the emotional intelligence to pull herself out of her mesmerized state in time to avoid what would have likely been a calamity for both of us...
rse92 wrote:
People might be kinder here to you than I am, but I am telling you what any professional who advises on dating profiles would.
I do value your directness, but I'm not just "in this" for myself.

I very much want to avoiding hurting anyone who meets me in person, and develops a certain strong attachment right away, then becomes disappointed after my full scope becomes apparent.

Avoiding the causing of harm is something that I more highly value than my own potential to be in another LTR...


Ok. You be you. Vaya con Dios.



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28 Nov 2023, 10:45 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
People can post as much or as little as they'd like.
The point of this thread is for us to practise writing dating profiles, since many have mentioned having difficulty attracting people through online dating.
Constructive or friendly feedback is welcome, though.
Agreed.

I quite enjoy reading alternative takes on what others write, though I'm aware that for some, a certain level of "bluntness" or abrasiveness from someone critiquing one's thoughts may be taken badly.

IsabellaLinton wrote:
I caution against sharing our personal and identifying information but everything else is fair game, if members want to be more candid.
Yes, folks, be careful!

I'm a total dumb-ass about this sort of thing, and anyone with even slight "sleuthing skills" could probably find out enough to show up on my doorstep, even though I don't deliberately show (many) of my personal details here.


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28 Nov 2023, 11:54 am

GadgetGuru wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
I'd seriously date you. ^
Damn!, Me, too!

But Isabella is the better person than me, by FAR, so go with her!


Well now you both get my standard disclaimer:
If you find yourself thinking that I seem like a good idea, run. Run now. Run fast.
You have been warned.


GadgetGuru wrote:
rse92 wrote:
That profile will cause as many or more women to weed you out as you will weed out women.
That is precisely my goal with this level of explicitness. I want any woman who "needs" a man who has proven himself conventionally worthy in the employment / financial realm to run away, screaming, after reading this.


I approve of that sort of mindset, for whatever that's worth. I tend to do the same...just put all my cards on the table from the get-go, and anyone who remains will remain. Those who won't stick around, well, I just saved them and myself some time. I'm not going to pretend to be anything I'm not in hopes of what, luring someone in under false pretenses only to discover we aren't compatible because I represented myself inaccurately? No. The only people I want around are the ones who can hang. Being upfront from the start seems an ideal way to find people like that, imho.



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28 Nov 2023, 1:28 pm

GadgetGuru wrote:
Mountain Goat wrote:
Haha! But I always tended to see myself as being younger than I am. Example. If I look at ladies I think are "My age" to date, they will often be around 10-20 years younger. I remember once following a group of young lads into a shop thinking I was their age and suddenly realizing I was twice their age!
My Great Granfather had the same issue, as when he was around 96 years old (He died at 98), they wanted him to spend afternoons at a nursing home so he could talk to people as he was rather isolated, and he went and came out again saying "I'm not going in a home filled with "Old people!"" He saw himself as being in his 20's and associated himself with people of that age! The ones he met in the nursing home were 20 years younger than he was! For years and years I saw myself as in my 20's but now I see myself as being around my mid 30's which causes a problem with dating.
It is often noted that Autistics "don't see age".

When I was about 21, I had a great relationship with the upstairs tenant in my parents house in Western NY. She was probably in her 70s, and was a German Jew, who was, of her family, the sole survivor of the Holocaust. We had so many long, great conversations, and went on drives together. Very much a "Harold and Maude" relationship (minus the sex and suicide!). And I've connected (as friends) with much older women in other cases, as well.

Although I often find myself attracted to younger women, it always feels more than a little "creepy" to me, so I restrain my impulses in this direction along the timeline...


I had a thing happen to me due to faceblindness whenI was 16 and I went to go on my first ever date (She was 17), and I sent a note and she sent one back to meet ms outside the college gates at a certain date and time (Just after college closed). I waited and waited and waited. Never knew the lady standing right next to me was her. After about 45 minutes to an hour I went home.
Next day her friend really had a go at me asking why I had stitched her up. I tried to explain I was there but her friend was having none of it. I was so upset I refused to date anyone who asked me for years and in my life I think I have asked about ten ladies out and two of them had extremely nasty replies, so I abandoned that idea many years ago.
But after that first experience, for years my mind got stuck at that age. It was like my mind couldn't move on?

I have always got on with women my grandmothers age, but for friendship... Not for dating at all. But those of that age would be all dead by now!

I remember working on the railway and I was in my late 30's at the time, and two ladies approached me and said "You remember me?" I said " No"... Then they said their names and I honestly couldn't believe it as they looked so old! (For many years I looked young for my age... I was in my mid 20's and was reported for not being in school to a school I never even went to! :D I let myself get scruffy and grew a beard just to make myself look older! An elderly lady we know thought I was in my 20's and could not believe it when my Mum told her my age!


I have been described by one lady when we went for an afternoon date (Nothing came of it) that I was too nice! That's my problem. Being far too nice for womsn to date me!


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Mountain Goat
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 13 May 2019
Gender: Male
Posts: 14,202
Location: .

28 Nov 2023, 1:36 pm

FleaOfTheChill wrote:
Oh, this could be amusing. I'm in.

Age: About 50


I thought you were not 309. :D


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