Dating apps/websites - how to target girls with autism?

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Honey69
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27 Aug 2023, 4:43 pm

I don't know how dating sites work either, but maybe he could advertise for ladies who were "weird" or "freaky." Also, make it clear that he was indifferent to looks or hygiene.

Maybe also mention casually that he likes cats.


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Rainbow_Belle
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28 Aug 2023, 2:14 am

Mention on your dating profile you have Asperger's or ASD and looking for a fellow Asperger or ASD.



Honey69
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28 Aug 2023, 9:24 am

^ except that he doesn't acknowledge his autism.


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TwilightPrincess
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28 Aug 2023, 9:26 am

He might not even have it since he’s not been evaluated or diagnosed by a professional.


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MaxE
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28 Aug 2023, 12:00 pm

If I understand correctly, the OP's friend is getting matched on dating apps and getting actual dates. But the women lose interest after a couple dates. He is probably attractive but women find themselves to be uncomfortable in his presence. I would need to know more about the women he's gone out with and what they've done on these dates. I do doubt that seeking women who've been diagnosed as AS will help.


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Honey69
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28 Aug 2023, 1:24 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
He might not even have it since he’s not been evaluated or diagnosed by a professional.


All that a "professional" will do is go through the DSM criteria.


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TwilightPrincess
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28 Aug 2023, 1:33 pm

Honey69 wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
He might not even have it since he’s not been evaluated or diagnosed by a professional.


All that a "professional" will do is go through the DSM criteria.

Like many here, I had hours worth of testing. Most people aren't diagnosed in a casual fashion.


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blitzkrieg
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28 Aug 2023, 2:04 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
Honey69 wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
He might not even have it since he’s not been evaluated or diagnosed by a professional.


All that a "professional" will do is go through the DSM criteria.

Like many here, I had hours worth of testing. Most people aren't diagnosed in a casual fashion.


It took me 8 years of being referred, waiting on waiting lists, and seeing the right person to get diagnosed.

And the diagnostic process was pretty gruelling.



rse92
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28 Aug 2023, 2:19 pm

Why don't you write that you are introverted but not painfully so, and because of that you are accepting of other people's different ways of thinking?

This is online dating. You have to think outside the box to be successful.



ezbzbfcg2
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28 Aug 2023, 3:04 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
^ I find it somewhat demeaning and infantilizing, especially in this context.

People say boyfriend, but they wouldn’t normally say: “Dating Apps/Websites - How to Target Boys with Autism.”

or:

“It's just that my friend is just not getting any luck with NT boys. So I'm trying (and hey, I may fail) to gently nudge him [or her] in the direction of ASD boys.”


Is English not your native tongue?

BOYS-GIRLS pertain to children.

But the same word GIRL could also be used to apply to a woman your age or younger. The male equivalent would be GUY, "How to target GUYS with Autism." GIRLS/GUYS in quasi-slang, nothing to do with kids.

Similar to LADY. A lady can be a woman who is sophisticated. "I'm not a hussy, I'm a lady." But it can also just refer to a woman perceived as much older. You know, the GIRL at the coffee shop gave the homeless LADY some change.



TwilightPrincess
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28 Aug 2023, 3:16 pm

^ English is my native tongue.

I’m a thesis short of an MA in English. We explored this sort of stuff in my linguistics classes.

Anyway, yes, I find the use of “girl” in this context infantilizing and creepy. “Girl” and “guy” are not equivalent terms because “guy” is mostly used to refer to adults.

“How to target girls with autism” sounds creepy in my opinion.

Guy or gal, on the other hand, are equivalent terms - both are used to refer to adults, not children.


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ezbzbfcg2
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28 Aug 2023, 3:28 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
Guy or gal, on the other hand, are equivalent terms - both are used to refer to adults, not children.

Sure, but GIRL is more commonly used than GAL in this exact same context. I admire people who study the ENGLISH language for what it is, not those who want to forcefully redefine it. As Led Zeppelin so aptly stated, " 'Cause, you know, sometimes words have two meanings."

More importantly, I think the most distressing thing about this statement linguistically is the word TARGET. You'd prefer it is they said "How to TARGET gals," or "How to TARGET ladies," or "How to TARGET women" ??



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28 Aug 2023, 3:32 pm

ezbzbfcg2 wrote:
More importantly, I think the most distressing thing about this statement linguistically is the word TARGET. You'd prefer it is they said "How to TARGET gals," or "How to TARGET ladies," or "How to TARGET women" ??

I wouldn’t like that either and have made that clear in my other posts if people would actually read them:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
In any case, targeting autistic women reads a bit creepy for someone who does not believe they have autism and who has not been diagnosed.

TwilightPrincess wrote:
Jakki wrote:
Hmmm... Sorry not liking the Title of the thread...regardless of the intent ..title does not make me comfortable :(

It probably doesn’t help that some of us have been targeted in some way.

In any event, it would be really strange for the man in the OP to seek autistic women specifically when “he doesn’t want to believe he’s autistic” and has never been diagnosed.

As someone with diagnosed autism, I wouldn’t restrict myself to dating men on the spectrum. It could, possibly, be nice if it happened, but ASD/NT relationships can work, too. I dated one person on the spectrum. Although it didn’t work out, I see how it could with the right person.


Apart from that, sexist language is sexist. Just because infantilizing terms are used sometimes doesn’t mean they aren’t problematic.


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Honey69
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28 Aug 2023, 7:33 pm

Maybe the person we are trying to help wasn't careful with his language, and that's why he never got past second base.


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TwilightPrincess
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28 Aug 2023, 7:57 pm

^ HE has never logged in.


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MaxE
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28 Aug 2023, 8:03 pm

From what I can tell, the OP is a cisgender married Gen-X woman who probably fits the demographics for what we in the US call a Karen. She is also diagnosed as ASD and is probably a lovely person. As I've said in earlier posts, people with autism need some slack to be cut for them so they can feel safe here. I think that, and the topic of her thread matters more than how her vocabulary relates to the issues you all are discussing. Maybe you can help with that instead of criticizing.


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