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MaxE
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14 Oct 2023, 1:57 pm

So I don't know if this belongs in L&D or the friends section, but this could be seen as a platonic relationship that went beyond friendship. I've never posted about this on WP before, oddly enough, as it's over and done with and I really don't think about it very much.

So I happened to be at University when I was 23. I was getting a 2nd degree. I may have said earlier that I belonged to a fraternity, which I understand is suspicious for somebody who claims to be on the autism spectrum, however I'll avoid that topic here (I believe I've addressed it elsewhere). Anyway this kid pledged the fraternity. He was from Brooklyn and had gone to a magnet high school there, and had graduated at 16. So he was 16 when I met him. For some reason, he and I started hanging out together, including a fair amount of drinking together. Now I should point out that he was gay, but seemed to be going through a phase of denial concerning his sexuality, so I didn't know he was gay for a while. Fortunately I wasn't his "type" physically. I don't think he felt any physical attraction to me, but there was an attraction in other ways. So I have had few really close male friends, in fact this guy was the closest thing to a best male friend I ever had. In fact he was best man at my wedding. Despite the age difference, we were always happy hanging out together. Soon after pledging the fraternity, he moved into my room (although not the same bed) I guess his roommates in the dorm were bullying him.

There is a lot I could tell, but after being close for many years (my wedding took place almost a decade after we first met) he more or less cut me off, I mean if I sent an e-mail maybe once a year asking how he was, he'd respond but I wouldn't hear anything further. I don't really know why he ditched me after all that time and I won't go into theories, except that I think he felt that I didn't fit into the sophisticated lifestyle he and his partner had established, first in Boston then in San Francisco.


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14 Oct 2023, 2:31 pm

I've had a bromance but unfortunately we just used to fuel each others fire which ended up with copious amount of drugs, alcohol and police being involved, we drifted apart after my first burnout (as I was a basket case) but I've seen him a couple of times at gigs since and he appears to be doing well for a high functioning alcoholic.


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DuckHairback
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15 Oct 2023, 7:44 am

I've had a few of these, growing up when I was younger. Quite intense, though platonic, male friendships. But they all ended the way yours did and I wonder if that's just the nature of them. I mean, because they're so intense they burn out quicker than a normal friendship.

I haven't had a close male friend in about 20 years so it's hard to remember.


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