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Lucyinthesky
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19 Oct 2023, 5:50 am

My boyfriend and I met online originally. Within our first few exhanges he bravely told me he is autistic. I'd never dated another autistic person before (to my knowledge) and felt a huge sense of relief. Finally someone I could relate to, I thought.

Autism aside he just happens to be an amazingly compassionate person. Because the truth is that we do experience autism differently. So what sends me into a melt down is different for him. But he just understands no matter what happens, he gets it or tries to.


When it works it really works. When i have rough days or times he just gets it. He'll drive me home, get me out in nature or buy me silly gifts to make me laugh. He tirelessly supports me throughout every struggle I have. He's ALWAYS just trying to make me feel better. At times I'm not even sure if I deserve it, yet there he is. Sweet as pie.

I wonder how I can be a better girlfriend to him? At times I lose my patience. I get angry and overwhelmed. Im the opposite of him...hes touchy/feely and I hate being touched. But for him I allow it because it makes him feel better.

I wonder if any of you have ever been with another autistic person and what your experiences have been like? How do you differ or how do you relate? Are you happy you found each other?



blitzkrieg
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19 Oct 2023, 7:41 am

My experiences overall with autistic dates is that they are more suitable for another autistic than an NT would be.

Shyness can be endearing, and autistic women can be super cute.



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19 Oct 2023, 10:23 am

Just as it should be! Congrats to you both!

Every Autistic who is currently dating an NT or has invthe oast needs to see this post.


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19 Oct 2023, 11:24 am

Lucyinthesky wrote:
I wonder if any of you have ever been with another autistic person and what your experiences have been like? How do you differ or how do you relate? Are you happy you found each other?


Yes, one of my X's was autistic (although neither of us were diagnosed at the time). Every relationship I've had has been different so I can't really gauge the relationship. It ended because I cheated :oops:


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20 Oct 2023, 4:54 am

My partner is autistic

Sometimes our particular symptoms are incompatible with each other (eg. He speaks loudly when he's excited, and I'm sensitive to loud speech). And sometimes the symptoms we have in common make for a less functional household (eg. We both have a habit of ignoring housework until the house is a disaster)

But on average, both of us being autistic is a very good thing. We understand each other very well, and we've gotten good at accommodating each other. It's nice to be able to go about our lives making weird sounds at each other and stimming and getting absorbed in our interests, and it being treated as normal. We can also be very honest and forthright with each other without worrying about hurt feelings. I feel most like myself when I'm interacting with him



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21 Oct 2023, 8:31 pm

Lucyinthesky wrote:
My boyfriend and I met online originally. Within our first few exhanges he bravely told me he is autistic. I'd never dated another autistic person before (to my knowledge) and felt a huge sense of relief. Finally someone I could relate to, I thought.

Autism aside he just happens to be an amazingly compassionate person. Because the truth is that we do experience autism differently. So what sends me into a melt down is different for him. But he just understands no matter what happens, he gets it or tries to.


When it works it really works. When i have rough days or times he just gets it. He'll drive me home, get me out in nature or buy me silly gifts to make me laugh. He tirelessly supports me throughout every struggle I have. He's ALWAYS just trying to make me feel better. At times I'm not even sure if I deserve it, yet there he is. Sweet as pie.

I wonder how I can be a better girlfriend to him? At times I lose my patience. I get angry and overwhelmed. Im the opposite of him...hes touchy/feely and I hate being touched. But for him I allow it because it makes him feel better.

I wonder if any of you have ever been with another autistic person and what your experiences have been like? How do you differ or how do you relate? Are you happy you found each other?


im assuming both of you are in your 20s?



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23 Oct 2023, 12:35 pm

My wife and I have been together for 19 years. Shd was offically diagnosed autistic just last year, and I was officially diagnosed just last month.

One of the things we both credit as being a good move early on was going to a therapist early in our marriage to learn to communicate better.


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WantToHaveALife
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23 Oct 2023, 3:07 pm

ActingUpAgain wrote:
My wife and I have been together for 19 years. Shd was offically diagnosed autistic just last year, and I was officially diagnosed just last month.

One of the things we both credit as being a good move early on was going to a therapist early in our marriage to learn to communicate better.


i assume you had to ask her out and pursue her, hit on her



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23 Oct 2023, 9:06 pm

I met my fiancee on here nearly three years ago and we have been engaged since September of this year. We both get each other like no one else can and we are both madly in love with each other. Our plan is that she will move here from the United States soon and we will get married shortly after that :heart: :heart: :heart:



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26 Oct 2023, 4:38 pm

Congratulations of your relationship :D Unfortunately there seems to usually not be enough good news on this forum.

Lucyinthesky wrote:
I wonder if any of you have ever been with another autistic person and what your experiences have been like? How do you differ or how do you relate? Are you happy you found each other?
My 2nd & 3rd(current) girlfriend are both on the spectrum & I met them both on this forum. It's important to note that I have various mental & physical disabilities besides autism.

My 2nd gf was autistic but didn't really have other issues except anxiety things. She was in college & had a very high desire to be independent. She was more like a stereotypical Aspie who wanted a lot of space & more alone time including with romantic partners. Whereas my personality within a romantic relationship is kinda the opposite of the stereotypical Aspie guy. I'm very affectionate, needy, & clingy with my partners & love spending lots of time with them. However while I'm like that with my romantic partners, I have always been the opposite way with everyone else including my extended & immediate family. Me & my 2nd gf had some major incompatibilities as a result. She was also dependent on her parents to help pay for her college & they were very traditional & wanted our relationship on their terms even thou she had her own apartment. I felt like she pushed me away, like my input was not valued, & like our relationship was one-sided. The stress & anxiety contributed to me becoming very unstable & taking things out on her even thou she was kinda caught in the middle. It should be no surprise she broke up with me & looking back objectively I probably would advise most anyone in that type of abusive relationship to break up, especially on her side.

My 3rd girlfriend is more like me in some ways. She has various physical & mental disabilities besides autism & some are things we have in common & some are not. She also is very needy & clingy with romantic partners & dependent & also is very affectionate as well. But unlike me she's that way with her family & friends she's been very close to. We've been living together close to 11 years now & we were a couple for a little over half a year before moving in together. We do have LOTS of various relationship & living together issues & problems but it's difficult to determine what is mostly autism related & what is due to other factors. While we do have lots of problems sometimes(or lots of times) we both majorly love each other & realize that we would have major problems within any relationship & also if we were not in a relationship. We both try to work on some of our own issues while trying to be supportive of each other. My various issues were a lot worse before I moved in with Cass regardless of if I was single, in my previous relationships, working, or in school. Some of that is due to me & my parents not getting along & not being able to relate & the social & political atmosphere of where we lived. I tried hard to work on myself in various ways & I made lots of progress on some of my issues that Cass is still majorly struggling with so in some ways I'm able to understand, relate, & be supportive better than most others probably could since I've been through similar myself. I'm usually fairly laid back & easy going these days thanks to a good psych med combo & being more secure within our relationship. Our relationship is very interdependent & maybe also a bit codependent on both ends. For the most part I'm very glad she's my gf & I know I would be lost without her. The way she feels about me thou varies a bit depending on her mood, how stressed & anxious she is, how depressed she is, & such.

I'll mention my 1st gf as well because she was not really NT even thou she was not on the spectrum. She had bad dyslexia & ADHD whereas I have dyslexia & ADD &/or possibly Sluggish Cognitive Tempo. We met on a forum for a common interest & really connected because of those things. We were best friends before she told me she liked me. She was in school so our relationship woulda had to remain mostly long distance for the foreseeable future. She also had some issues with drugs & alcohol. I had problems trusting her & worried something really bad would happen to her which caused me to have lots of panic attacks & I became controlling in a misguided attempt to protect her & minimize my anxiety which of coarse made things a lot worse. The person I am now probably coulda made our relationship work if we woulda been able to move in together or if I coulda moved close by.


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27 Oct 2023, 1:58 am

Lucyinthesky wrote:
I wonder how I can be a better girlfriend to him? At times I lose my patience. I get angry and overwhelmed. Im the opposite of him...hes touchy/feely and I hate being touched. But for him I allow it because it makes him feel better.

Hopefully he's willing to negotiate with you about the specific ways he touches you, so as to minimize any discomfort for you?

How are the two of you at communicating with each other?

If your irritability/anger issues are extreme, you might consider discussing them with a psychiatrist. Some anti-depressants can help at least some people be a lot less irritable.

Lucyinthesky wrote:
I wonder if any of you have ever been with another autistic person and what your experiences have been like? How do you differ or how do you relate? Are you happy you found each other?

My partner is autistic, and, yes, we are certainly glad we found each other.


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27 Oct 2023, 6:58 am

WantToHaveALife wrote:

i assume you had to ask her out and pursue her, hit on her


Actually, she pursued me. She saw me sing at karaoke and asked around about me. She then just sat by me for months at karaoke sessions, patiently waiting for me to figure out she was interested in me. She instinctively knew how to not scare me off!


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28 Oct 2023, 12:08 am

ActingUpAgain wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:

i assume you had to ask her out and pursue her, hit on her


Actually, she pursued me. She saw me sing at karaoke and asked around about me. She then just sat by me for months at karaoke sessions, patiently waiting for me to figure out she was interested in me. She instinctively knew how to not scare me off!


interesting, but i was asking the OP



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09 Nov 2023, 6:06 pm

i assume the OP, both her and her BF are both in their 20s.



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19 Nov 2023, 4:20 pm

Read up on the 5 languages of love

Lucyinthesky wrote:
My boyfriend and I met online originally. Within our first few exhanges he bravely told me he is autistic. I'd never dated another autistic person before (to my knowledge) and felt a huge sense of relief. Finally someone I could relate to, I thought.

Autism aside he just happens to be an amazingly compassionate person. Because the truth is that we do experience autism differently. So what sends me into a melt down is different for him. But he just understands no matter what happens, he gets it or tries to.


When it works it really works. When i have rough days or times he just gets it. He'll drive me home, get me out in nature or buy me silly gifts to make me laugh. He tirelessly supports me throughout every struggle I have. He's ALWAYS just trying to make me feel better. At times I'm not even sure if I deserve it, yet there he is. Sweet as pie.

I wonder how I can be a better girlfriend to him? At times I lose my patience. I get angry and overwhelmed. Im the opposite of him...hes touchy/feely and I hate being touched. But for him I allow it because it makes him feel better.

I wonder if any of you have ever been with another autistic person and what your experiences have been like? How do you differ or how do you relate? Are you happy you found each other?



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22 Nov 2023, 10:58 pm


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