Casual sex poll

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For anyone who with no interest whatsoever in casual sex, any suggestion that people should, under the "right" circumstances, consider it — this suggestion is for people not sure how they feel. If you're sure you don't want to, far be it from me to question that.

As for any gender distinction, in almost every situation I was ever in that I would characterize as casual sex (except for one situation in which I sort of suggested it, but nothing happened), the sex was always proposed by the other (female) person. Usually verbally, but once by somebody grabbing my wrist and pulling me into her bed. Granted, you might question what I was doing in her bedroom, but it was she who pulled me into the bed. I was also once officially in a relationship with someone, but at one point she decided she didn't have the proper feelings for me, but wanted to continue intimacy on a FWB basis (I will assume that counts as casual).

When I was single, I never sought sexual "conquests". I was always looking for a girlfriend (with the expectation that a girlfriend would be a sex partner). In some cases, I pursued the wrong people, but that was always my goal.

Personal experience and this poll are too small/limited to say anything about the sexual views of men and women on the spectrum. A valid survey would consist of hundreds of officially diagnosed autistics as well as a control group consisting of hundreds of NTs if you want to make comparisons between the sexual views of autistics and non-autistics. It’s an extremely complicated topic though with a lot of side issues, including regional variation, generational differences, stuff related to consent, etc., so a survey should account for that stuff as well. An important category that you didn’t include in your poll is: I have but wouldn’t again.

From what I can gather, negative sexual experiences, including ones that are later regretted, are quite common among autistic females. I guess that’s not surprising given autistics’ difficulty with social awareness and, thus, recognizing red flags.

One problem is that autistic people tend to have great difficulty understanding non-verbal cues or reading body language to know if the person really likes them. Some autistics also drink a bit or smoke up to break the ice in social situations. That clouds their judgment further and can lead to bad outcomes.

In my case at Uni it was the one and only time I got drunk in a campus pub, and I thought the dude kind of liked me. He was visiting my friend on campus from somewhere very far away and didn't attend as a student so I kind of thought it would be "fun" and "normal" to make out with this relative stranger who came back to my house with me because he was there to visit my friend, after all .....

I remember it got to a point we were making out on the sofa and he was moving the cushions so we could lay on the floor (?) and it clued into me what he was thinking. I'm not sure why he hadn't suggested my bedroom but I'm glad he didn't. That's when I freaked out and ran upstairs. My friend was upset that I treated her friend like that. He left for the night and I never saw him again.

Years later my friend and I reconnected on Facebook after not speaking for several years. I told her about it, and about her calling me a "cosmopolitan slut". She was shocked and said she didn't remember, but of course she remembered kicking me out of our student house. Apparently she kicked me out because her boyfriend who lived with us at the time was beating her, and she didn't want me to know and report it.

clusterf**k all around.

^ That IS messed up. It must’ve felt like such a betrayal. I can relate in a way.

More research from the same study that I previously cited:

Yeah, I get that. It's just that I've never done "consensual casual sex" meaning anything beyond kissing.
I don't have anything against it if it's consensual for the people but I've never had that kind of experience.

The two things I described both ended badly.

They were consensual at the time, but the first dude turned out to be a very dangerous individual.
I was unable to suss him up because he had love-bombed me first.

The second one at Uni was consensual for making out, but I didn't want more.
Then he got angry.
Then my friend got angry with me for "leading him on" when I thought it was only about kissing.
(This happened before the other story, but I'm calling it second because I told the story second.)

I was thoroughly shamed for the uni experience.
My friend / housemate put my clothes and freezer food out on the lawn when I was in class.
That's how I got kicked out.

It seems there are a lot of unwritten rules about how hookups, however innocent, should work.
It's even harder when the person is ND.

That being said, if it works for some people, great.

I didn't go farther than kissing either

It's not that I didn't love him

I didn't want to get pregnant!! !

That is part of what is stopping me from sex

Ya, I've tried it. Wasn't entirely sure it was for me or that I enjoyed it.. so just to be sure I've done it several hundred times.

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No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

I'm pretty sure I'm demisexual, so that's a big "n-o" for casual.

A few girls have tried before (without my full consent) and I definitely did not enjoy it as much as I should have.

I'm a sport for casual sex. I did that as a younger person, and since I've been single again for the last few years now, it's been the only kind of sex I have had. It is arguable that even in 'actual' relationships, I have no idea how to attach emotion to sex, so all the sex I've ever had has been technically considered casual. I don't know if it's an autism thing for me though. It could be a lot of things, really. But yeah, I'm all for it for me, so long as the person I'm having it with is cool with it to.