Hobbies are part of personality

Page 1 of 4 [ 63 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4  Next

KT67
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 May 2019
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,807

31 Jul 2019, 11:37 am

Aspies should find this fairly easy to understand.

Hobbies and interests are part of someone's personality. When you're looking for someone to date esp long term or to marry, it's a good idea to look for someone who shares some of your hobbies or interests.

If you're thinking 'that's easy for you to say you're bi'. Actually, in terms of hobbies - I'm masculine and I like feminine people. I've tried dating other masculine people and it hasn't worked despite that being the only friendship type I do well with. Which leads onto the other part of this - 'what about if they want a hobby but that person doesn't do that hobby?'

It's also a good idea to pick people with hobbies you don't share in common but which strike you as 'I would like someone who would do that'. If I had to choose between a woman who liked embroidery and a woman who liked hunting, I'd choose the embroidery woman because it would flow better with my values and the kind of person I look for in a girlfriend. Other people might pick the other because they're looking for a tougher woman and don't care as much about animal rights or being artistic. But I find neither embroidery nor hunting interesting enough to take up myself.

Also it's kind of sexist to assume absolutely all your interests will not be interesting to anyone of the opposite sex. And it's even silly to assume that none of those people will be masculine/feminine, after all do you like art? reading? board games? going for a walk? These things aren't easy to gender.

Yes the most important thing is that someone is nice. But being nice doesn't even entitle someone to friendship let alone dating. Different types of people get along better than other types. While both being nice people.

Try to find a certain match. Even where opposites attract, it tends to be because of some sort of admiration for that hobby which one would never take up oneself. Or it's a shared hobby just in different ways so for eg liking rival sport teams or film franchises. Still into sports and films (and don't do the opposites attract sports one if your team's political and your specialist interest, I tried it and it doesn't work out...)

I'm just advising cos I've read people say it's shallow to care about this stuff when really - it's the opposite. It requires a lot of self awareness and willingness to share and enjoy those things which are special to you.


_________________
Not actually a girl
He/him


SportsGamer35728
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 6 Oct 2015
Posts: 422
Location: Vice City

31 Jul 2019, 11:48 am

This is one of my biggest frustrations dating wise! For example, I'm particularly attracted to women who play (or have played) organized sports due to how well I got along with them in high school, yet I have yet to find one who appreciates my more nerdy interests, particularly attending pro wrestling events and war reenactments! :P



KT67
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 May 2019
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,807

31 Jul 2019, 1:30 pm

Have you tried FIFA or an equivalent type video game? (not sure which sports you're into) That would engage your interest in video games with her interest in sports. A lot of athletes like those kinds of games in their down time.

You don't have to have everything in common, but it's good for a relationship if you do somethings together, have things to talk about and nobody disapproves of anybody's hobbies.

Also what I'm saying is for eg it's ok for you to have a preference, to prefer women who like sports. That isn't shallow. That hobby affects their personality, I don't mean they're a better/worse person for it I mean they're a sportier person for it.


_________________
Not actually a girl
He/him


Mountain Goat
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 13 May 2019
Gender: Male
Posts: 14,255
Location: .

31 Jul 2019, 2:53 pm

Very very few women are into model railways, and to be honest, I did know of a lady who spent all her time volunteering firing and driving steam trains on my local preserved line, but I found her rather wierd. I mean... I just could not connect witn her in any way and I am not talking about romantically.
I would like a lady who can help with scenic touches on my railway layout. That would be nice. But I would have to connect with her on a romantic level.


_________________
.


SportsGamer35728
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 6 Oct 2015
Posts: 422
Location: Vice City

31 Jul 2019, 4:52 pm

KT67 wrote:
Have you tried FIFA or an equivalent type video game? (not sure which sports you're into) That would engage your interest in video games with her interest in sports. A lot of athletes like those kinds of games in their down time.

You don't have to have everything in common, but it's good for a relationship if you do somethings together, have things to talk about and nobody disapproves of anybody's hobbies.

Also what I'm saying is for eg it's ok for you to have a preference, to prefer women who like sports. That isn't shallow. That hobby affects their personality, I don't mean they're a better/worse person for it I mean they're a sportier person for it.


Actually, sports games are primarily what I play besides Grand Theft Auto and Red Dead Redemption II so that would be perfect :D Although I should add my musical taste isn't exactly the same as theirs (they prefer Top 40 while my musical preference is all over the place)



Mona Pereth
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Sep 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,846
Location: New York City (Queens)

31 Jul 2019, 7:07 pm

I'm not sure I would say that hobbies/interests are "part of" personality, but I would say that they are at least as important as personality. It may not be necessary to have the exact same interests, but it's necessary to have interests that are close enough that you can at least enjoy spending lots and lots and lots of time learning about each other's interests. Otherwise you will inevitably get bored with each other -- or, even worse, get jealous toward each other's interests.

To me, this has always been a no-brainer. I don't understand how anyone can even remotely imagine having an ongoing relationship with someone who doesn't enthusiastically share at least some of one's interests, or at least closely-related interests.

Yet, to my never-ending astonishment, a lot of people don't even seem to consider interests when seeking a romantic partner.

Apparently a lot of people believe that mutual attraction is sufficient basis to initiate and sustain a relationship??? To me it seems glaringly obvious that such a relationship would be quite unstable.


_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.
- My Twitter / "X" (new as of 2021)


kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

31 Jul 2019, 7:20 pm

I know of at least one woman here who is very much into model railroads.

I had a professor once (a woman) who built her own train and "regular gauge" track.



SaveFerris
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Sep 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 14,762
Location: UK

31 Jul 2019, 7:33 pm

I was lucky , my female neighbour loved playing Tony Hawks on the PS1 as well as me , our love of gaming brought us together. Our love blossomed from PS1 to Xbox to Xbox 360. We were a force to be reckoned with on the Burnout Takedown Crash Junctions. We no longer play games together due to arthritis in her hands :(


_________________
R Tape loading error, 0:1

Hypocrisy is the greatest luxury. Raise the double standard


sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,181
Location: US

31 Jul 2019, 11:56 pm

SaveFerris wrote:
I was lucky , my female neighbour loved playing Tony Hawks on the PS1 as well as me , our love of gaming brought us together. Our love blossomed from PS1 to Xbox to Xbox 360. We were a force to be reckoned with on the Burnout Takedown Crash Junctions. We no longer play games together due to arthritis in her hands :(

You’re very lucky most women don’t play games.
I’m not even good enough for female friends.


_________________
There is no place for me in the world. I'm going into the wilderness, probably to die


IsabellaLinton
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Nov 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 70,311
Location: Chez Quis

01 Aug 2019, 12:18 am

sly279 wrote:
SaveFerris wrote:
I was lucky , my female neighbour loved playing Tony Hawks on the PS1 as well as me , our love of gaming brought us together. Our love blossomed from PS1 to Xbox to Xbox 360. We were a force to be reckoned with on the Burnout Takedown Crash Junctions. We no longer play games together due to arthritis in her hands :(

You’re very lucky most women don’t play games.
I’m not even good enough for female friends.


What a sweet story, Ferris.

Sly ... am I chopped liver? :wink: :cry:


_________________
And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.


The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,922
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

01 Aug 2019, 12:24 am

Hobbies and interests are also affected by culture, way more than genes, personality and gender. Like for example in Western countries fewer women show interest in STEM stuffs, while in Muslim countries they make up more than 50% of enrolled STEM students, including engineering and sciences.
Another striking example: Soccer seems to be a very popular sport among women in the US while it's not at all among men, while it's exactly the opposite in most other countries.



Mona Pereth
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Sep 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,846
Location: New York City (Queens)

01 Aug 2019, 1:01 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Hobbies and interests are also affected by culture, way more than genes, personality and gender. Like for example in Western countries fewer women show interest in STEM stuffs, while in Muslim countries they make up more than 50% of enrolled STEM students, including engineering and sciences.
Another striking example: Soccer seems to be a very popular sport among women in the US while it's not at all among men, while it's exactly the opposite in most other countries.

Fascinating. Thanks for pointing out these examples.


_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.
- My Twitter / "X" (new as of 2021)


Mona Pereth
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Sep 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,846
Location: New York City (Queens)

01 Aug 2019, 1:16 am

sly279 wrote:
You’re very lucky most women don’t play games.

Some games are relatively popular among women. A quick Google search brought up the following pages:

- Female Gamers: 48 Percent of Console Players Now Women - NewsMax
- Top 5 Most Popular Online Games for Women - LoveToKnow
- Top 5 Most Popular Online Games for Women - PrimeSlots
- Which games are women and girls playing? - Polygon
- The Top 10 Online Social Games for Women - Ranker
- Study Shows Which Video Game Genres Women Play Most

It might behoove you to look at the above articles and then decide if any of the mentioned games appeal to you too.


_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.
- My Twitter / "X" (new as of 2021)


sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,181
Location: US

01 Aug 2019, 1:30 am

Mona Pereth wrote:
sly279 wrote:
You’re very lucky most women don’t play games.

Some games are relatively popular among women. A quick Google search brought up the following pages:

- Female Gamers: 48 Percent of Console Players Now Women - NewsMax
- Top 5 Most Popular Online Games for Women - LoveToKnow
- Top 5 Most Popular Online Games for Women - PrimeSlots
- Which games are women and girls playing? - Polygon
- The Top 10 Online Social Games for Women - Ranker
- Study Shows Which Video Game Genres Women Play Most

It might behoove you to look at the above articles and then decide if any of the mentioned games appeal to you too.


And yet most women won’t dat men who play game and call said men losers
https://www.themodernman.com/relationsh ... games.html

“I broke off a relationship because I realized, as much as he was an incredibly sweet, nice, person his only major interest was gaming. Nothing else evoked any passion in him at all. It was always being the best in the game. It got really tiring and it kinda perturbed me that nothing else seems to make him even remotely interested/excited in the same way.”

“any guy who, by his mid-20s, is still devoting more than an hour or so a week to playing a bunch of pointless video games is most likely to be deadweight in life for the other person.”

“Only time I don't have a problem with it, for adults that play them often is when it is their livelyhood. Eg. reviewers, professional gamers (rare but they do exist).
Even then everything in moderation. In my job If I don't take regular enforced breaks/holidays, its easy to burnout and believe me that ain't much fun.”

This one makes no sense, if guys aren’t suppose to play games then who’s the guy reviewing games for?

Seems women mostly play phone games, but guys who play consoles like PS4 past 18 are losers.

From what I’ve overhear non of the women at work play games and consider men who do losers, I’ve never met or seen women in my area on dating site express video games as hobby.


_________________
There is no place for me in the world. I'm going into the wilderness, probably to die


auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 114,101
Location: the island of defective toy santas

01 Aug 2019, 1:33 am

i've yet to find anybody else who shares one iota of interest in my hobby. it's just as well.



sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,181
Location: US

01 Aug 2019, 1:52 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
sly279 wrote:
SaveFerris wrote:
I was lucky , my female neighbour loved playing Tony Hawks on the PS1 as well as me , our love of gaming brought us together. Our love blossomed from PS1 to Xbox to Xbox 360. We were a force to be reckoned with on the Burnout Takedown Crash Junctions. We no longer play games together due to arthritis in her hands :(

You’re very lucky most women don’t play games.
I’m not even good enough for female friends.


What a sweet story, Ferris.

Sly ... am I chopped liver? :wink: :cry:

No but we can’t exactly hang out in person or play games together.


_________________
There is no place for me in the world. I'm going into the wilderness, probably to die