My brother STILL has issues with me getting married and...

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Mikurotoro92
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11 Mar 2024, 12:55 pm

leaving home!! !

I don't know what else to do but create a plan behind-the-scenes with Jonathan or someone else and just silently leave him

That might actually be the best possible course of action to take!

I want to be one of their roommates before getting married

What do you guys think?

Should I continue with "The Liberation of Sara" or just abandon my goals altogether?


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Nades
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11 Mar 2024, 1:13 pm

Chances are, your brother behaves this way because he's never been put in a position where he had to fend for himself. I would just start leaving him one night at a time and then gradually increasing the time until he starts to become more self-sufficient. Sounds like it's doing neither of you any good with his dependency on others.

It might even be worth booking a hotel close to home and spending a day or two in it.



Mikurotoro92
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11 Mar 2024, 2:29 pm

Nades wrote:
Chances are, your brother behaves this way because he's never been put in a position where he had to fend for himself. I would just start leaving him one night at a time and then gradually increasing the time until he starts to become more self-sufficient. Sounds like it's doing neither of you any good with his dependency on others.

It might even be worth booking a hotel close to home and spending a day or two in it.


You are absolutely right

He is scared of suddenly being in such a vulnerable position of being forced to fend for himself and doesn't know how to handle or approach that

That IS the solution but now I would need to find someone who is willing to let me spend the night with them!

Maybe Jonathan but I don't want him to have expectations of sex too early

I would just tell him this is NOT for relationship purposes but is to help my brother adjust to his eventual new reality

A hotel is a possibility too


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honeytoast
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11 Mar 2024, 8:53 pm

Maybe you both can work on teaching him skills so that he can care for himself on his own?


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DanielW
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11 Mar 2024, 8:58 pm

You can always reassure him that it will probably quite some time before any major life changes are going to happen.



Mikurotoro92
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11 Mar 2024, 9:31 pm

DanielW wrote:
You can always reassure him that it will probably quite some time before any major life changes are going to happen.


Oh I don't know about that

I have known Jerry for about a year or year and a half now and he is coming here next month to possibly live with us!

If we work out then it shouldn't be too much longer for marriage

Otherwise I have known Jonathan and Jesse for 5 months so yeah once we have our first kiss and sex everything else will happen REALLY fast!! !

And that scares him!


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WantToHaveALife
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11 Mar 2024, 11:16 pm

i assume your husband was the one who asked you out and pursued you



Mikurotoro92
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11 Mar 2024, 11:19 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
i assume your husband was the one who asked you out and pursued you


Husband?!?

Lol I wish!! !

Marriage is what I am trying to get to!


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blitzkrieg
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12 Mar 2024, 12:07 am

Relationships can go on for years, sometimes 10 years or so before a dude is ready to get married, so I wouldn't put all of your hopes into that. It seems unrealistic.



Mikurotoro92
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12 Mar 2024, 12:10 am

I know I can eventually get to my marriage goal!

Maybe by trying on wedding dresses at thrift shops and formal clothing stores in combination with actually visualizing my wedding that will make it manifest faster!! !

I have an advantage with Jonathan

He has been married in past which might actually make the process go faster!


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Nades
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12 Mar 2024, 5:11 am

Mikurotoro92 wrote:
I know I can eventually get to my marriage goal!

Maybe by trying on wedding dresses at thrift shops and formal clothing stores in combination with actually visualizing my wedding that will make it manifest faster!! !

I have an advantage with Jonathan

He has been married in past which might actually make the process go faster!


Has he said he wants to get married?



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12 Mar 2024, 5:59 am

Well the situation could get interesting when Jerry shows up.


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12 Mar 2024, 6:40 am

blitzkrieg wrote:
Relationships can go on for years, sometimes 10 years or so before a dude is ready to get married, so I wouldn't put all of your hopes into that. It seems unrealistic.


It took me 3 weeks



Mikurotoro92
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12 Mar 2024, 9:11 am

It just depends on the person and their state of readiness

I am pretty sure Jonathan said he wants to get remarried!

Spending the night with him would allow us to see what it would be like together in that environment BEFORE getting married or co-habitating


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12 Mar 2024, 9:20 am

Mikurotoro92 wrote:
DanielW wrote:
You can always reassure him that it will probably quite some time before any major life changes are going to happen.


Oh I don't know about that

I have known Jerry for about a year or year and a half now and he is coming here next month to possibly live with us!

If we work out then it shouldn't be too much longer for marriage

Otherwise I have known Jonathan and Jesse for 5 months so yeah once we have our first kiss and sex everything else will happen REALLY fast!! !

And that scares him!


Most of the time sex, especially first-time sex is the thing that destroys a relationship and it NEVER leads to marriage - so cool your jets as they say



Mikurotoro92
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12 Mar 2024, 10:34 am

DanielW wrote:
Mikurotoro92 wrote:
DanielW wrote:
You can always reassure him that it will probably quite some time before any major life changes are going to happen.


Oh I don't know about that

I have known Jerry for about a year or year and a half now and he is coming here next month to possibly live with us!

If we work out then it shouldn't be too much longer for marriage

Otherwise I have known Jonathan and Jesse for 5 months so yeah once we have our first kiss and sex everything else will happen REALLY fast!! !

And that scares him!


Most of the time sex, especially first-time sex is the thing that destroys a relationship and it NEVER leads to marriage - so cool your jets as they say


Yeah might want to hold off until marriage for sex...


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