Hiding diagnosis from NT girls

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FrostBender
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31 May 2024, 11:10 am

If I ever find a girlfriend, I want her to be NT. How do I hide my diagnosis from her? I don’t want her to know, even if we were to eventually get married



TwilightPrincess
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31 May 2024, 11:18 am

You could just not tell her about your diagnosis. Unless she was knowledgeable about autism, she probably wouldn’t know that you have it based on your behavior alone. Of course, it’s possible that SHE could have autism and just not be diagnosed or she could be keeping it a secret as well.


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Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 31 May 2024, 11:19 am, edited 1 time in total.

blitzkrieg
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31 May 2024, 11:19 am

I don't think it would work for you to hide your diagnosis, as the NT girlfriend would wonder why you act the way you do and would likely ask questions, unless you are masking all of the time in her presence, which sounds like it would be a lot of effort and draining.



bee33
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31 May 2024, 11:25 am

Probably not a good idea to go into a relationship and a marriage while keeping a big secret about yourself. It's not just a bad idea but also not really feasible.

Not that you would have to disclose your diagnosis on a first date or in a casual relationship, but if it's serious, it needs to be based on honesty and sharing of oneself.



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31 May 2024, 11:28 am

I only just told my bf about my diagnosis this week and I've been with him for 4 years

He didn't have a clue and he's probably completely forgot that I told him about it by now knowing him


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FrostBender
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31 May 2024, 11:28 am

I’m trying to remove all visible traces of autism from myself.



IsabellaLinton
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31 May 2024, 11:32 am

I'd consider it a dealbreaker if I married someone and/or had kids with them, and they didn't tell me. The main reason is that autism is often genetic meaning I could have ADHD, autistic or severely autistic kids without warning. That might sound Draconian. I have nothing against autistic / ADHD kids (I have some myself) and I know kids can be autistic even if their parents aren't, but I think it's disingenuous to know this information about yourself and not share it with the other potential parent, just like you'd want full disclosure on all their other health history.

Even if we weren't planning to have children I think it shows a lack of trust and self-esteem for someone to be so afraid of themselves they need to lie to others.

I told my partner on our first date. I figured at our age I may as well dump all my stuff on the table, and he did the same.


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blitzkrieg
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31 May 2024, 11:34 am

FrostBender wrote:
I’m trying to remove all visible traces of autism from myself.


How does one go about doing this sort of thing?



FrostBender
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31 May 2024, 11:34 am

blitzkrieg wrote:
FrostBender wrote:
I’m trying to remove all visible traces of autism from myself.


How does one go about doing this sort of thing?

Copy what NTs do.



blitzkrieg
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31 May 2024, 11:36 am

You sound like yo are essentially rejecting yourself if you are autistic and are trying not to be because you don't like autism.

It sounds like a stressful thing to do on a psychological level.



FrostBender
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31 May 2024, 11:39 am

blitzkrieg wrote:
You sound like yo are essentially rejecting yourself if you are autistic and are trying not to be because you don't like autism.

It sounds like a stressful thing to do on a psychological level.

Correct. But it doesn’t stress me out. I want to be someone else



blitzkrieg
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31 May 2024, 11:40 am

FrostBender wrote:
blitzkrieg wrote:
You sound like yo are essentially rejecting yourself if you are autistic and are trying not to be because you don't like autism.

It sounds like a stressful thing to do on a psychological level.

Correct. But it doesn’t stress me out. I want to be someone else


I suppose your success in trying to be NT will depend on how prominent your autistic behaviours and traits are.



IsabellaLinton
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31 May 2024, 11:41 am

FrostBender wrote:
If I ever find a girlfriend, I want her to be NT. How do I hide my diagnosis from her? I don’t want her to know, even if we were to eventually get married




Lie.

It won't work though. If you're actually autistic they'll pick up on your differences or the uncanny valley no matter how good of an actor you think you are. If they don't know it's autism they'll substitute other words to try to figure out why you're different. They might consider you cold, aloof, quiet, boring, pedantic, self-centred, etc. and not have any other way to reconcile or understand why you act the way you do. Yes there are good attributes of autism too but they'll eventually hone in on the "bad" ones. They'll want you to change. You won't be able to, because you're hardwired to be ND.

You'll defend yourself by saying you can't help it, OR you'll try even harder to fake it but it won't last. Our energy for acting depletes as we get older and we have more stressors to juggle.

In the end she will likely want you to go to counselling or something, and the counsellor will look at your medical history and know you're already dx autistic.

Then you're caught in your lie.


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Last edited by IsabellaLinton on 31 May 2024, 11:48 am, edited 1 time in total.

TwilightPrincess
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31 May 2024, 11:43 am

Personally speaking, I would always want to be open about it in a romantic relationship because I value emotional intimacy. Being able to be open with someone is one of the things that I especially care about when it comes to meaningful relationships with other people. Of course, I tend to be reserved in general, so maybe that makes me appreciate openness more.

People aren’t obligated to share stuff with other people they don’t want to. It seems like a missed opportunity to me though. It could also lead to failed relationships although it’s apparently worked for some.


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Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 31 May 2024, 11:45 am, edited 1 time in total.

blitzkrieg
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31 May 2024, 11:45 am

^^ You quoted my comment with Frostbender's name.

I agree with your post in any case. Lying about having autism seems like it would come back to haunt a person, sooner or later.



FrostBender
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31 May 2024, 11:48 am

Can’t I get autism diagnosis removed from records if I bribe the receptionist at the doctors office? Then no one would ever have a record of my autism