Crush on an aspie, but feeling very insecure , please help

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Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 26 Mar 2024
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 6

17 May 2024, 11:35 pm

I have a crush on a aspie guy I met online , we been texting for few months now , he takes sometimes a week to reply to a text and I feel like sometimes he choose begs to reply to and what not but I m very patient with him and enjoy talking to him so much a text from him makes my awful day so shiny.
Over the period of few months of texting I developed feelings for him ( I’m NT women) he is just so intelligent , respectful , hard working and funny.
I never told him that I like him directly but I say many things that indicates that vey clearly .
As for him he gives me a lot of compliments about my looks and he tells me how nice and kind I am and how I deserve a man that treats me like a princess but nothing about liking me
My issue is that I feel very insecure , he is a very good looking guy ( Hollywood good looking ) and very smart , articulate … and I’m a just an average looking girl or below average , when he first saw my pictures online where we met he liked them and they were my picture without any filter but since then I lost a lot of weight and stress affected me and I just don’t look that pretty , lately I been using a filter when I send him closed up pictures and it just makes me feel so bad .
We talked about meeting in person but I’m really freaking out and having anxiety . I’m not that good looking like he thinks and he will be very disappointed but I like him so much , and I just feel like he deserve someone better then me. Please help


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Joined: 4 May 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,463
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in the police state called USA

19 May 2024, 6:35 am

Aspie guys tend to struggle more with relationships than average NT guys though there are lots of exceptions. You might be thinking he's too good for you(I don't know if you are or not) but it's possible that lots of other women think the opposite or they just don't find those traits attractive. Plus even if they find him attractive they may not be direct enough for him to realize they're into him or he may suspect someone like you is interested but he's too scared & clueless about how to make a direct move. I cant speak for other Aspies because I'm probably denser than lots of em but I am very clueless about how to initiate & need others(especially my romantic partner) to be direct with me. Some other potential downsides about relationships with Aspies is that we're not great at reassurance. I try really hard but my approach is a lot more direct & logical which can come off as insensitive. Also Aspies tend to want & need a lot more space in relationships compared to the average NT guy. I'm the opposite of that so there are exceptions but if he takes a couple days to respond to meseages, I would not expect his behaviour to suddently change. That said if your still interested in pursing a relationship with him, I would recommend going for broke & being more direct.

"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill

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Joined: 26 Jul 2010
Age: 61
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,294

23 May 2024, 9:44 pm

If he really is an Aspie you need to make your move first.
Amy and Sheldon on Big Bang Theory is a good example.
Amy has to work really hard to move the relationship along.
She thinks that Sheldon is a really good catch and worth the effort that it takes to slowly one step at a time.

Aspies may not be as into looks as much as "normal" men.
Part of it may be that they aren't interested in one night stands as that requires far too much effort.
Socializing is a huge drain for an Aspie. Think of going up a steep hill in an underpowered car.