sexless life making me lose my mind

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196.
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02 Jun 2024, 7:25 pm

Hi everyone,

Like the title says, in the 27 years of my life I've never managed to have a romantic or sexual relationship with anyone. Despite many times in which real connection existed between me and the other person and the other person was initially attracted to me.

That's always how it goes. Someone is attracted to me, they start teasing me but I don't know how to respond to that appropriately and this turns them off. It's happened so many times I lost count.

Do people here have a solution to my problem? Because I'm honestly starting to considering the idea of giving up on my life. I was diagnosed with Asperger's last September, so at least I got an explanation. No solutions though and there is no medical support for my type of problem. Prostitution is not an option.

Thank you



nick007
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03 Jun 2024, 2:51 pm

Do you try being direct with women :?: Going for broke & telling women straight up that your interested in them might push lots of women away & get you the creep label or some other bad terms, I've def been there. However hints & teasing/joking just do not work for some Aspies like myself. If your the same way you really need a partner who is capable & willing to be direct with you. I got the thee girlfriend's I've had by them taking the initiative & being direct with me. We met on forums & they realized that hints would not work or were not working because I'm too dense to pick up on that. I majorly value communication within a relationship & need a partner who is the same.


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196.
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04 Jun 2024, 6:50 am

I always wait for them to take the initiative. They chase me but then always and in every case change their mind when I let myself being caught. I have childhood trauma related to sexuality therefore I can't be direct about sex things.

They tease me and then they leave that's what happens all the time.and give me no chance to do anything really. No chance to prove myself of to prove them that I am what they are looking for.

The situation has reached an extreme in which every interaction traumatised even more.



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04 Jun 2024, 7:10 am

196. wrote:
Hi everyone,
Someone is attracted to me, they start teasing me but I don't know how to respond to that appropriately


A good response is to give them (genuine) compliments. If they start touching you a little bit, touch them. Ask them about their passions, interests, life, what they're doing this week.

But another question is: are you physically and romantic attracted to them? Some people may take more time to form attraction than others. Some people are demisexual (i.e. you need an emotional bond to feel attraction).

Quote:
Do people here have a solution to my problem?


Yes, meet more people. Meet dozen and hundreds. Meet guy friends and have a social life. Are they bars/clubs to frequent in your areas? Social events and meetup groups?

If talking to girls directly isn't your style, then use dating apps. But with those, you need great pictures. Take hundreds of pictures to get 5 great ones. Read guides on portrait photography. Even consider paying a photographer. Pictures are the most important part so spend hundreds of hours on them if need be.

Find people who have good dating lives, frequently get their advice on your profile.

If you're socially inexperienced, just accept that you may be nervous on your first 5-15 dates. This is normal. Don't let this deter you. You need to get through those growing pains in order to become comfortable.



196.
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04 Jun 2024, 7:21 am

Thank you for the reply. Unfortunately my social life is already as open as it can be. I already meet new people basically every week and I've been doing that since I was teenager (I'm almost 30 now).

Il keep trying, sure. Maybe one day the miracle will happen. Hopefully soon



blitzkrieg
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04 Jun 2024, 7:59 am

Good luck with everything in your future, 196.

It is difficult to have unfulfilled romantic wishes and desires, but you are certainly not alone as an autistic person in this regard.



rse92
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04 Jun 2024, 8:36 am

Have you taken a good look in the mirror, an honest self assessment, and asked yourself what can I do to make myself more attractive (i.e the whole package) to women?

God helps those who help themselves.



196.
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04 Jun 2024, 11:22 am

Yes I did. And like specified in the original post, women are already attracted to me. The problem is that when they get close to me then I don't treat them "manly enough" or something.



WantToHaveALife
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04 Jun 2024, 12:26 pm

no regrets with some of my escorts or sex workers i had sex with, because i wasn't getting my sexual wants or needs met in my last relationship, whom i feel very reluctant to call an ex-girlfriend because of that.



rse92
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04 Jun 2024, 12:37 pm

196. wrote:
The problem is that when they get close to me then I don't treat them "manly enough" or something.


Well then you isolated the problem, Fix it. Nobody else will.

P.S. I had the same problem for the entirety of my teenage years until I was around 21. I know the feeling. My high school friend called me a "heartbreaker" for all the girls who had crushes on me but like a dolt I did not see it.



196.
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05 Jun 2024, 7:14 am

But I don't wanna pretend to be someone I'm not. I don't like manhandling someone



rse92
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05 Jun 2024, 8:26 am

196. wrote:
Hi everyone,

Like the title says, in the 27 years of my life I've never managed to have a romantic or sexual relationship with anyone. Despite many times in which real connection existed between me and the other person and the other person was initially attracted to me.

That's always how it goes. Someone is attracted to me, they start teasing me but I don't know how to respond to that appropriately and this turns them off. It's happened so many times I lost count.

Do people here have a solution to my problem? Because I'm honestly starting to considering the idea of giving up on my life. I was diagnosed with Asperger's last September, so at least I got an explanation. No solutions though and there is no medical support for my type of problem. Prostitution is not an option.

Thank you


I am surprised that you were disagnosed with Asperger's in September 2023 since that term is no longer used in the DSM-5 and has not been used for many years.



196.
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05 Jun 2024, 8:22 pm

rse92 wrote:

I am surprised that you were disagnosed with Asperger's in September 2023 since that term is no longer used in the DSM-5 and has not been used for many years.


I'm in the UK and the term used on my diagnosis is "Autistic spectrum disorder without learning disabilities, formerly known as Asperger's"



r00tb33r
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05 Jun 2024, 10:03 pm

196. wrote:
Sexless Life Making Me Lose My Mind

Don't get fixated on it, movies and pornography seed the idea that sex is so great... Well, the reality is, most of the time is actually disappointing. It's not bad, and a little bit better than masturbation, but can also be extremely frustrating when you have to deal with contraception that doesn't work well for you for one reason or another, both discomfort and lack of sensitivity, and dealing with the whining and demands of your partner.

Make good friends with your hand, it's reliable and has so many less problems. I'd say it's at least 80% as good, and better than bad sex.

Instead focus on developing a healthy relationship where sex comes naturally.

196. wrote:
Hi everyone,

It's best if we don't shake hands. :wink:

196. wrote:
Like the title says, in the 27 years of my life I've never managed to have a romantic or sexual relationship with anyone. Despite many times in which real connection existed between me and the other person and the other person was initially attracted to me.

Could be a chance encounter with someone with the right spark. Can't say when or if. Maybe it will, maybe it won't.

196. wrote:
That's always how it goes. Someone is attracted to me, they start teasing me but I don't know how to respond to that appropriately and this turns them off. It's happened so many times I lost count.

Yeah, that's how it was for me in high school. I was a pretty boy and girls liked to flirt with me, but I never knew how to respond. Then later I wasn't doing all that well and I wasn't such a pretty boy anymore, and in the later years in college I was practically invisible. I tried but was pathetically rejected.

196. wrote:
Do people here have a solution to my problem?

No. In fact you won't find anything of use here. What you seek is not here, don't waste your time.

196. wrote:
Because I'm honestly starting to considering the idea of giving up on my life.

That's how it goes.

196. wrote:
I was diagnosed with Asperger's last September, so at least I got an explanation. No solutions though and there is no medical support for my type of problem.

Correct.

196. wrote:
Prostitution is not an option.

I don't recommend it either.

196. wrote:
Thank you

Thank your hand.



r00tb33r
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19 Jun 2024, 10:23 pm

r00tb33r wrote:
196. wrote:
Sexless Life Making Me Lose My Mind

Don't get fixated on it, movies and pornography seed the idea that sex is so great... Well, the reality is, most of the time is actually disappointing. It's not bad, and a little bit better than masturbation, but can also be extremely frustrating when you have to deal with contraception that doesn't work well for you for one reason or another, both discomfort and lack of sensitivity, and dealing with the whining and demands of your partner.

Make good friends with your hand, it's reliable and has so many less problems. I'd say it's at least 80% as good, and better than bad sex.

Instead focus on developing a healthy relationship where sex comes naturally.

196. wrote:
Hi everyone,

It's best if we don't shake hands. :wink:

196. wrote:
Like the title says, in the 27 years of my life I've never managed to have a romantic or sexual relationship with anyone. Despite many times in which real connection existed between me and the other person and the other person was initially attracted to me.

Could be a chance encounter with someone with the right spark. Can't say when or if. Maybe it will, maybe it won't.

196. wrote:
That's always how it goes. Someone is attracted to me, they start teasing me but I don't know how to respond to that appropriately and this turns them off. It's happened so many times I lost count.

Yeah, that's how it was for me in high school. I was a pretty boy and girls liked to flirt with me, but I never knew how to respond. Then later I wasn't doing all that well and I wasn't such a pretty boy anymore, and in the later years in college I was practically invisible. I tried but was pathetically rejected.

196. wrote:
Do people here have a solution to my problem?

No. In fact you won't find anything of use here. What you seek is not here, don't waste your time.

196. wrote:
Because I'm honestly starting to considering the idea of giving up on my life.

That's how it goes.

196. wrote:
I was diagnosed with Asperger's last September, so at least I got an explanation. No solutions though and there is no medical support for my type of problem.

Correct.

196. wrote:
Prostitution is not an option.

I don't recommend it either.

196. wrote:
Thank you

Thank your hand.

So I've received a message informing me that at least one person took my shitpost seriously as legitimate lifestyle advice.

Please do not interpret anything I say as sound advice, treat it as comedy and satire. A lot of it is true, but so is a significant portion of satirical content in general.

Long-term masturbation will ruin your life, it will make having sex the normal way impossible. Seek a healthy relationship where you will have all the sex you need.



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20 Jun 2024, 12:36 am

196. wrote:
Yes I did. And like specified in the original post, women are already attracted to me. The problem is that when they get close to me then I don't treat them "manly enough" or something.

It's difficult to interpret what that might mean. If you want more specific advice, you might have to explain a bit more about what it is that you think that women find lacking or amiss once you get close to them. You mention that you don't like "manhandling" anyone, but I don't know anyone who wants to be or likes being manhandled (unless I suppose if they have that particular fetish, but I don't think that's what you're referring to).