What do YOU find attractive? Non physical only

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TwilightPrincess
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26 Jul 2024, 6:13 pm

Is good with a spear and can stalk down prey - excluding people, generally speaking. It’s important just in case we ever find ourselves in a post-apocalyptic world or are lost in the middle of a forest sort of stuff. I suppose I could learn how to use a spear, but there’s a good chance I would trip and fall on it.

Liking to cuddle is good too. Body heat is useful because you never know what the future might bring. It can get a bit chilly in the woods at night even with a fire going. Once I spent an entire night next to a fire, adding logs and kindling as needed, without access to a blanket or sleeping bag. The temperature was well-below freezing. I swiftly came to the conclusion that reading about such things is decidedly more pleasant than living them.

Likes Lord of the Rings


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UncannyDanny
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27 Jul 2024, 8:33 am

Fun, quirky, understanding, and doesn't normally use profanity (at least the strong ones, like the S and F words. Mild terms like "hell", "damn", and "crap" is fine).



rse92
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27 Jul 2024, 5:23 pm

Pleasant.



Rhapsody
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29 Jul 2024, 2:08 pm

I love this thread idea! Especially since I'm on the ace spectrum and don't experience physical attraction like a normal person.

I'm most attracted to people that make me feel safe and wanted. It's nice to feel safe to express my feelings, or needs, or even just drop the mask for a little bit. It's really attractive to feel like I'm being seen, accepted, and still wanted for who I am without anybody trying to change or control me. Again, especially if I can drop the mask and stim or vent around them.

I also like creativity and playfulness. I'm attracted to people who will play and joke with me. I enjoy people who can stimulate me intellectually and keep me guessing. Especially people with fun hobbies or interests that they can teach me about. I'm attracted to patience and kindness: especially since I'm pretty new to dating in general and still working things out for myself. I'm also a pretty slow processor. Which can annoy people. So patience is important. Above all of these things is probably trust, though. Which goes back to the safety thing: I need to feel I can trust someone enough to get close to them and a big proponent of that is feeling safe with them, but also them being reliable and trustworthy.

But if I look at my very short dating history (all two of them) I apparently have a thing for anxious depressives with poor self image. One who punished himself and the other who punished me for it. 



UncannyDanny
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29 Jul 2024, 8:39 pm

^Even those with poor self-image, even though they're actually healthy and good-looking to others' eyes? :|



Rhapsody
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29 Jul 2024, 10:30 pm

UncannyDanny wrote:
^Even those with poor self-image, even though they're actually healthy and good-looking to others' eyes? :|

What I meant by poor self image was: They hated themselves, and because they hated themselves they did not understand how I could love them or find them attractive. Even though I did.

But, no, if you're asking neither of my exes were healthy or conventionally good-looking to other people. But their physical appearance is a bit off topic and obviously not what attracted me to them.



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03 Aug 2024, 3:58 am

Rhapsody wrote:
I love this thread idea! Especially since I'm on the ace spectrum and don't experience physical attraction like a normal person.

I'm most attracted to people that make me feel safe and wanted. It's nice to feel safe to express my feelings, or needs, or even just drop the mask for a little bit. It's really attractive to feel like I'm being seen, accepted, and still wanted for who I am without anybody trying to change or control me. Again, especially if I can drop the mask and stim or vent around them.

I also like creativity and playfulness. I'm attracted to people who will play and joke with me. I enjoy people who can stimulate me intellectually and keep me guessing. Especially people with fun hobbies or interests that they can teach me about. I'm attracted to patience and kindness: especially since I'm pretty new to dating in general and still working things out for myself. I'm also a pretty slow processor. Which can annoy people. So patience is important. Above all of these things is probably trust, though. Which goes back to the safety thing: I need to feel I can trust someone enough to get close to them and a big proponent of that is feeling safe with them, but also them being reliable and trustworthy.

But if I look at my very short dating history (all two of them) I apparently have a thing for anxious depressives with poor self image. One who punished himself and the other who punished me for it. 


I consider you what would like to call a unicorn. Very rare and valuable for those who can see it. Some of these things are standard request, other parts of this I'd say are pretty unique.


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Graves Knight
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03 Aug 2024, 3:59 am

UncannyDanny wrote:
Fun, quirky, understanding, and doesn't normally use profanity (at least the strong ones, like the S and F words. Mild terms like "hell", "damn", and "crap" is fine).


Anyone using too much profanity is never attractive in my opinion.


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nick007
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03 Aug 2024, 7:08 am

nick007 wrote:
I'll also add not an intellectual or rather someone who isn't arrogant, not full of themselves, & doesn't make a show about being super smart & how others need to pay attention & give them respect for being a genius :tired:
Perhaps I should explain a tad more here. I'm fine with being dumber than her but it's a big problem if she acts like she believes she's smarter than me. My second ex was smarter than me which I may have been OK with & appreciated but I felt like she she didn't value my input, opinions, & perspective on things. I'm NOT trying to blame her, we were not compatible in some major ways. I'm a passive person who tends to let others take the lead with things but I want my romantic partner to value & respect me as an advisor. I want to feel needed & appreciated by my partner instead of feeling like I cant measure up to her. I do not want my partner to be my mom which unfortunately seems to happen a bit in Aspie/NT relationships & can fuel major resentment. Thus I'm not attracted to strong personalities. Those people can be good friends & I may like tagging along with them taking the lead but I don't want that in my relationship partner.


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funeralxempire
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03 Aug 2024, 2:29 pm

Doesn't sulk.
Isn't constantly negative.
Isn't a misanthrope.


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FleaOfTheChill
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06 Aug 2024, 9:19 pm

Things I find attractive in people include (but are not limited to) intelligence, passion about something/anything and a willingness to share that with me, humor is a big one, playfulness/silliness, not taking themselves or life too seriously, open mindedness, independence, out of the box thinking, someone a lil naughty but still a good person at heart (balance), creativity in some form or another, honest even when it's brutal, and I dunno...sometimes you think you have a handle on what you like then someone comes along with something you didn't even know you like until they showed you how awesome that aspect of them is. That's all I have for now though I'm sure there's more.



bee33
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06 Aug 2024, 9:28 pm

FleaOfTheChill wrote:
then someone comes along with something you didn't even know you like until they showed you how awesome that aspect of them is.
Yes. You think you have an idea what you want and then you meet someone and they are great even if they don't tick any of the boxes you had thought of.



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06 Aug 2024, 10:03 pm

bee33 wrote:
FleaOfTheChill wrote:
then someone comes along with something you didn't even know you like until they showed you how awesome that aspect of them is.
Yes. You think you have an idea what you want and then you meet someone and they are great even if they don't tick any of the boxes you had thought of.


Exactly. People can and will surprise you and it's great when they do it in wonderful ways.



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07 Aug 2024, 2:08 am

rse92 wrote:
Pleasant.


That's a mighty low bar.

1. Possesses a pulse
2. Is curious
3. Gets my jokes (I don't mean laughs at them... understands)
4. Knows when to intercept and how to hand me that damned token that allows one to speak in turn.



TwilightPrincess
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07 Aug 2024, 1:26 pm

Doesn't love the band Poison.


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funeralxempire
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07 Aug 2024, 2:05 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
Doesn't love the band Poison.


:lol:

Other dishonourable mentions: Warrant, White Snake, Ratt and Guns 'n' Roses.


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