Majority of autistuc men dont have a girlfriend?

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I will nearly be 35 in september and never had a proper gf.

Do the majority of men on the spectrum remain single for the rest of there lives?

My one and only relationship was for about 4 months in 1995. I have pretty much given up on having another one now.

Do you think learning how to hold down a relationship is the issue? I do think as well society has negative stereotypes regarding autistic people and romantic relationships

I don't think there is any statistics on the percentage of autistic men having a female partner/girlsfriend/wife. But I think it's fair to say that being autistic, at least as a cis and straight man, makes it harder to form a lasting romatic relationsship with a partner. It can be done and you can be popular with woman if you have other qualities than "allistic social skills" but you would probably be a lot more popular if you had those qulities and were not autistic.

I think women have it easier than men in the early attraction stages which gives way to more experience. An awkward guy is bound to have the door slammed in his face.

It’s not easy for women either. There are many different ways in which the early stages can be challenging for people.

In what ways do you think early attraction stages can be hard?

They can be hard for people in an infinite number of ways. We all have specific strengths and weaknesses. When we find one thing the most difficult, we could have trouble seeing how someone might find something else equally difficult.

In the past, I struggled with selective mutism. Beyond that, I’m generally so shy, awkward, and anxious it’s hard for me to demonstrate interest or to even open up to people about anything. I do okay with small talk, and I’m a great listener, but I have trouble sharing much beyond that which leads people to understandably conclude that I’m not interested.

If people experienced previous abuse, the may be wary or hypervigilant too which can make connecting with someone else difficult as well.

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 02 Jul 2024, 12:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

If it counts, I had one girlfriend for just short of a year, a few years ago. I'm 32, and for all my life besides that, I was always single or didn't have a GF.

Why do you struggle so much with getting a gf?

The reason why I am single is because there's no good church of Christ woman that I have met that I am compatible with where I live not because I have Asperger's.

I'd say it's a combination of: Too socially awkward to get a relationship in the first place. Too many quirks to maintain a relationship on the off chance we get a relationship.

what do you define by proper girlfriend? but yeah, over the years, that either seems to be the norm or just common for men on the autism spectrum, to remain chronically alone, single, later than normal, or they don't get their first girlfriend until late in life, like later 20s, or especially 30+

I haven't really known any autistic folks in real life, but there was an acquaintance of my late partner who had two autistic sons and we ran into them in the lobby of a theater in the intermission of a performance. They were in their late teens at the time. One of the sons came up to me and stood just inches from my face and didn't say anything. I don't know if he realized how off-putting this was. I assume he didn't realize. He wasn't doing anything bad but it just came off as odd and uncomfortable. I think there are autistic behaviors that come off as weird and that need to be explicitly unlearned, so as to not do them. I don't know if social skills classes are available to many or if they even address things like this. Maybe acting classes would help? They might help to become aware of one's outward behavior and how it's perceived and work on changing it, at least its most outward manifestations. I think it's these subtleties that create problems for people with ASD. I don't think anyone needs to change who they are.

Relationships are often initiated by non verbal communication.
Someone who is autistic may not relalize that a potential partner is signalling them non-verbally and thus ignores the overtures that person is making.

Perhaps something like cotillion classes I have no experience with that but I've heard they teach structured social interaction related to dating. Not sure how common they are nowadays but they're probably more common in the south.


I think I'm a lot better at maintaining a serious relationship than getting a relationship. My quirks & issues would likely scare someone off once they learn about them before things get very serious. Plus some things are better for me being in a serious relationship instead of being single.