I don't want to lead ex boyfriend around

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Summer_Twilight
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19 Aug 2024, 3:01 pm

Over the weekend, I ran into my ex boyfriend who lives across the breezeway from another friend of mine. This was while he was on his way inside. However, I was doing the best that I could to ignore him. However, he saw me and attempted to flirt. In the mean time, I kept things short and sweet by acknowledging him but also turning my back to him and saying "Good to see you" before knocking on my friend's door. In the meantime, I blocked his number and his social media accounts. The main reasons are because he recently expressed to me that he just wants to be friends with benefits. This was after I had attempted to friendzone him. He was also controlling when we were together.

What are some suggestions when it comes to visiting my friend? I sometimes bump into my ex when I go over there. Otherwise, I don't see him.



Carbonhalo
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19 Aug 2024, 3:18 pm

1. Glower when you see him
2. Hold your cattleprod in the air and push the button for 3 zaps.
3. Enjoy the colour draining from his face.

Gratz...he is now trying to avoid you.



funeralxempire
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19 Aug 2024, 3:21 pm

You're not leading him around. It sounds like he only considers you useful for one thing and you've made it clear that's not on your agenda.


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Summer_Twilight
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19 Aug 2024, 4:29 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
You're not leading him around. It sounds like he only considers you useful for one thing and you've made it clear that's not on your agenda.


The thing is, a part of me still has feelings for him because we had our moments that I sometimes miss. However, he I know that he had an agenda from day 1. In the meantime, he made it clear that he never really loved me. I also could not be myself around him.



funeralxempire
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19 Aug 2024, 4:42 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
You're not leading him around. It sounds like he only considers you useful for one thing and you've made it clear that's not on your agenda.


The thing is, a part of me still has feelings for him because we had our moments that I sometimes miss. However, he I know that he had an agenda from day 1. In the meantime, he made it clear that he never really loved me. I also could not be myself around him.


That makes it sound like you're at greater risk of being lead-on than he is.


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"Many of us like to ask ourselves, What would I do if I was alive during slavery? Or the Jim Crow South? Or apartheid? What would I do if my country was committing genocide?' The answer is, you're doing it. Right now." —Former U.S. Airman (Air Force) Aaron Bushnell


Summer_Twilight
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20 Aug 2024, 11:14 am

The thing is, because I still have feelings, there is a part of me who still wants to flirt . However, I don't want to give him any mixed signals or any other idea that I am a doormat.



bee33
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22 Aug 2024, 7:29 pm

It sounds like the hardest part will be dealing with it within yourself and not giving in to your feelings. But as far as outwardly, if you run into him say a polite but curt hello, and if he tries to engage respond politely and very briefly but also turn your back.



Summer_Twilight
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23 Aug 2024, 8:36 am

bee33 wrote:
It sounds like the hardest part will be dealing with it within yourself and not giving in to your feelings. But as far as outwardly, if you run into him say a polite but curt hello, and if he tries to engage respond politely and very briefly but also turn your back.


Thanks Bee. I turned my back on him last weekend and told him "It was good to see you." In the meantime, he has not come over.



ontosth
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25 Aug 2024, 9:55 pm

That sounds like the best thing to do. Some words but the fewer the better. And if he acts aggressive at all, he won't even get those few words.



bee33
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25 Aug 2024, 10:48 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
bee33 wrote:
It sounds like the hardest part will be dealing with it within yourself and not giving in to your feelings. But as far as outwardly, if you run into him say a polite but curt hello, and if he tries to engage respond politely and very briefly but also turn your back.


Thanks Bee. I turned my back on him last weekend and told him "It was good to see you." In the meantime, he has not come over.
I hope it works out for you. These matters can be quite hard to manage.



Latimeria
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26 Aug 2024, 8:54 am

Personally I wouldn't even say "It's good to see you." The type of pushy person will take it as invitation to seek more interactions, like "If they appreciated this interaction then they'll like more."

This is different than leading someone around and more the other person seeing what they want to see, but I find being very unequivocal and obvious to get better results. This is especially the case if you said you wanted to be friends and then changed your mind or it wasn't true, which I think can be confusing even for people with better intentions than this guy.

In this situation I would say something like, "I hope you're doing well, but I don't want to be friends or speak more with you."

I would then not respond if he keeps talking. If he gets aggressive or threatening, that's when I would involve other people. Otherwise I'd wait for him to get bored and realize he's not going to get what he wants. Even the police can't do much until after he commits a crime, so the ideal is to let him decide to move on his own.