Rushing things seems to make me anxious

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I'm having trouble understanding the question. Can you please rephrase it?

Sure

A better way to say the question is:

What would happen if you were to take away sex from a romantic relationship/marriage?

Good question, I'm in a solid marriage and we don't have sex anymore. If I can do it I suspect there's plenty of others. But romantic relationships? that's a little harder to imagine a sexless intimate relationship. the tricky thing is what does sex mean? for many people in the west its penetration, but in conservative societies in the middle east and Asia young people have devised ingenious ways for mutual satisfaction that don't involve the risk of pregnancy.

Last edited by cyberdora on 13 Apr 2025, 3:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

A disappointing marriage/romantic relationship.

I define sex as penetration and all the other stuff like foreplay (touching & kissing)

It depends on the quality of the sexual relationship. If it’s a good one, it would be a shame to miss out on unless the couple is asexual. Sex can add a lot to or be a really important part of a relationship.

Fair enough. We each have our definition. However, it is possible to reach mutual orgasm without penetration. In traditional societies in the middle east, Asia and India young people have been doing this for centuries to avoid pregnancy. If you don't believe me read the diaries of explorer Richard Burton.

^ It’s not uncommon in western societies, either.

IMO, if something involves sexual fulfillment with another person, it counts.

I think the sex is the physical manifestation of the romance domain in a relationship. It's what makes the relationship romantic and different from all of the other relationships in my life. So if the sex were removed, then it's like we're roommates or close friends. In retrospect, all my romantic relationships had a period at the end in which I did not want to have sex with my partner. It's not that I was not horny or became asexual, but there was something in my body that found sex with them as "too much" or repulsive. Noticing this, I now know that my body's natural sexual attraction to a partner is important information that I need to consider as representing my overall attraction to them as a partner.



Same! If there is any form of sexual gratification, then it's in the sex domain and further terms would be indicating the type of sex more precisely.

Human beings evolved to have sex with multiple people in migratory groups, the strongest males having access to the most females. the biological imperative controlled much of our ancestor's behaviour in perpetuating and protecting the group.

With organised religion and farming settlements monogamy became a social norm but its an imposed construct as unlike many animals, humans are not naturally monogamous. But we have evolved to accept this as a normal state of affairs.

But the point is relationships between "fertile" men and women is a battle of hormones and urges and social expectations. I have never found it possible when I was single to have a friendship with a single woman without thinking how the opportunity of sex might arise. I am fairly sure the women knew this too.

You're in good company. A lot of men pretend it's otherwise, but I don't believe them. It's a visceral thing.

I don't know, in my life there's been plenty of girls/women I enjoy the company of and haven't ever considered f*****g, and even ones who I'd really prefer to not f**k.

So, are you guys only picking female friends based on wanting to f**k them, or have you just not had that many female friends?

I agree it's a visceral thing, it's just that not every female person who's company I've enjoyed triggered that visceral reaction. That also includes some I thought were attractive, but didn't find personally appealing.

Well, my testosterone levels probably aren't what they used to be, so it's not so much of a problem these days, but even back then it wasn't all about sex. The idea was always there, to a greater or lesser extent, but like most gentlemen I took care to suppress it. It was one of the reasons I tended to avoid girls who wore revealing clothes.

There's probably a reason why men and women can't seek privacy together without arousing suspicion about what's going on.

I'm on this side of the debate as well. I'm not trying to f**k every female friend I have. Also, limiting friendships to one gender omits practically half of the population and its valuable contributions to your life.

That's the part I'm questioning because it's not relatable. There's been plenty of girls/women in my life I've been emotionally and intellectually close to without having to repress any desire to f**k them because I had no visceral urge to f**k them.

I don't think it's normal to have to repress your desire to f**k every single female in your life unless one has very few of them in their life. That doesn't mean one won't encounter girls or women that they'd like to f**k, only that it's unnatural for that to include all of them, unless (perhaps) they're only remembering the ones who aroused the desire to f**k them.

This one ^^^...helps to get know someone ( you choice of time) to discover if longer term compatabily is going to be possible. And discover if there are any deal breakers that might come up in the relationship part.
Potential Trigger warning:
Once Knew a woman , whom would get pregnant with a man$ baby to try to insure that they would stay together And
then push the man to his absolute limits of patience, then push alittle harder then taunt him to get him to react in a
voilent reaction. Or a percieved violent reaction that she could then report him to the cops .And subsequently the cops came and now the unsuspecting person , not knowing her pattern .Now had a police report on his record, and she now had control over him, as to whether she would follow a have him prosecueted, then played the hurt but understanding woman role . Until the fellow had , had enough, where she would use the exact same pattern on the next unsuspecting victim. 2 children out of wedlock , whom I had gotten to watch her do this pattern at least two times, in the exact same way. Was Gobsmacked to see it repeated by her . She apparently was living in a camper without a truck in the desert.
And relying on the threat of prosecuetion to manipulate her BFs into bringing her food and water Or any people she could get to listen to a tale of hardship. Periodically house sitting for local people, which I also discovered she would thoroughly search their homes for any Credit card or bank account Info. That was my first experience , with ,what I percieved as a female sociopath. Man , after seeing this , I figured,I must be monumentally "naive". Later, I was to discover that she had literally gotten away with murder, from other people I spoke to ,that knew of her.
Am sorry to share this but it really scared me that people could be like this.