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schleppenheimer
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03 Sep 2007, 7:08 am

dongiovanni,

I agree with your opinion about small talk and labels.

But on the subject of "being passionate and knowledgeable about one's interests" -- When one is so passionate to the point of only talking about that one thing, to the exclusion of all other subjects, and if one talks so much about said subject that they don't allow other people to be included in the conversation, then the others (presumably NT's) feel the following:

1. You don't care about their point of view
2. You don't think they are interesting
3. You're not interested in having a give and take relationship, where both parties give equal amounts and take equal amounts

So they give up and go find someone who WILL have a give and take relationship with them.

There's nothing wrong with being passionate about something. The key is finding others with the same passion, and making sure that your passion doesn't squelch the feelings of others.

Kris



gwenevyn
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03 Sep 2007, 10:45 am

I think that schleppenheimer gives some superb advice above.

nb411 wrote:
gwenevyn wrote:
Australians know what squirrels are?! :wink:


That's it! When you come on your grand holiday of Australia I am marching you straight off the plane and taking you to the closest Hungry Jacks where you will be fed an AussieBurger. There will be no wincing, no tears and no groaning. Just joyful munching! :lol:


I am sure I will be coming sooner or later, as I have family in Australia, through my brother's marriage. :D

Should I be a little frightened that the subject of "squirrels" reminded you of the AussieBurger? 8O


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03 Sep 2007, 11:54 am

actually lolin' here, folks



jfberge
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04 Sep 2007, 2:52 pm

My current theory is that small talk serves the purpose of determining how predictable you are. Unpredictability frightens people, as they assume that the errant person could be dangerous. If you're able to maintain small talk, the other person will feel more at ease. Small talk is a social fitness test, not an earnest conversation.



gwenevyn
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04 Sep 2007, 2:56 pm

jfberge wrote:
My current theory is that small talk serves the purpose of determining how predictable you are. Unpredictability frightens people, as they assume that the errant person could be dangerous. If you're able to maintain small talk, the other person will feel more at ease. Small talk is a social fitness test, not an earnest conversation.


I think that's one of its uses.

But most human brains are wired to interpret small talk as a method of lubricating social connections.


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jfberge
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04 Sep 2007, 3:10 pm

gwenevyn wrote:
But most human brains are wired to interpret small talk as a method of lubricating social connections.


Yeah, that's true too. When people are already familiar, it makes for an effortless way of acknowledging each other. Launching into an emotional or technical speech would burden the other person more than starting off with familiar banter.



gwenevyn
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04 Sep 2007, 3:13 pm

jfberge wrote:
gwenevyn wrote:
But most human brains are wired to interpret small talk as a method of lubricating social connections.


Yeah, that's true too. When people are already familiar, it makes for an effortless way of acknowledging each other. Launching into an emotional or technical speech would burden the other person more than starting off with familiar banter.


Good point, about small talk necessitating less effort for the averge person than more meaningful communication would require.

Ironic, isn't it? I find that for me, it requires more effort. I assume it is the same for you.


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jfberge
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04 Sep 2007, 3:35 pm

gwenevyn wrote:
Ironic, isn't it? I find that for me, it requires more effort. I assume it is the same for you.


I think I've finally gotten passable at it. Last weekend I had to spend an hour with a few guys I didn't know, and managed to talk to them quite fluidly. I was rather proud of myself.

I usually find it easier to talk to girls, as they don't have and enforce the expectations other guys have. I don't feel as judged.



gwenevyn
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04 Sep 2007, 3:44 pm

jfberge wrote:
I usually find it easier to talk to girls, as they don't have and enforce the expectations other guys have. I don't feel as judged.


Same here, except I find it easier to talk with guys. I'm not too bad with girls. On the surface, I pass for normal. But it drains my reserves.

I've been very delighted with the girls here on WP. Recently I've been talking with one over IM and it has been the easiest conversation I've ever had with a female before.


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04 Sep 2007, 5:41 pm

gwenevyn wrote:
jfberge wrote:
My current theory is that small talk serves the purpose of determining how predictable you are. Unpredictability frightens people, as they assume that the errant person could be dangerous. If you're able to maintain small talk, the other person will feel more at ease. Small talk is a social fitness test, not an earnest conversation.


I think that's one of its uses.

But most human brains are wired to interpret small talk as a method of lubricating social connections.


Small talk is basically about sharing experiences with others, being a story teller, sharing emotions, or common interests, etc. The truth is we aspies just get so wrapped up in deep complexity that people only THINK we are boring because we find such deep complexity intriguing and fascinating and always good topic of conversation, when really they easy get bored because they have limited interest or intrigue in it, or simply have psychological limits on how much they can talk about one topic before moving onto the next. The truth is, small talk is about sharing of mental and emotional states as much as it is about sharing 'trivial' information.

Some of us don't realize that people talk to recoupe and feel better about themselves: They want to feel connected to other people, share laughs over stupid trivial things, build bonds, etc. Aspies aren't the only ones who feel alone, many NT's do as well, even among their own kind.

I'd say that aspies simply bond differently then NT's. I've learned to 'not be so hard on 'normal people'', I'd say much aspie prejudice comes from misunderstanding the purpose of social interaction "Not being able to relate", etc.



nb411
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04 Sep 2007, 5:48 pm

gwenevyn wrote:

nb411 wrote:
gwenevyn wrote:
Australians know what squirrels are?! :wink:


That's it! When you come on your grand holiday of Australia I am marching you straight off the plane and taking you to the closest Hungry Jacks where you will be fed an AussieBurger. There will be no wincing, no tears and no groaning. Just joyful munching! :lol:


I am sure I will be coming sooner or later, as I have family in Australia, through my brother's marriage. :D

Should I be a little frightened that the subject of "squirrels" reminded you of the AussieBurger? 8O


Well you know what they say. One who asks the most questions is one least likely to finish one's meal. So it's best not to. ;)



gwenevyn
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04 Sep 2007, 5:54 pm

nb411 wrote:
Well you know what they say. One who asks the most questions is one least likely to finish one's meal. So it's best not to. ;)


I once for politeness' sake had to eat chicken foot soup.

I think I can handle the mystery meat.


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