I have a date!

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We've been emailing for over a year. She lives in a nearby town. We both have cars. We've had a lot of time to find out about each other before deciding we should meet. When we first started talking, she was living with her boyfriend. We stopped talking for a few months, and the other day I emailed her. She casually mentioned that she was dating again. A bit ago, I asked if she wanted to finally meet up and have lunch. Then it hit me; she's single, and dating. I was just being myself with no ulterior motives.

I'm happy for you. Just make sure if you consider it a date she does too and there is no miscommunication.

I went on three 'dates' with the girl I liked but if I didn't call it a sneakily call it a 'date' the second time she wouldn't have realized any of them were.

She told me our first 'date' only happened because she thought she was going to help me with a story I am writing (not even to get to know me as a friend or anything, she thought it was going to purely be a business exchange).

But the second 'date' was because she actually had a fun time with me and wasn't busy...

Like I said if you guys have been friends for a long time she might just mistake it as that.

But yeah I see what you mean she might still see your meetup with her as a date.

But use this first thing to just get to know her really and than make sure she realizes the second get together is actually a date...

So I'll go with my original inclination. Just two friends meeting for lunch. That was what I had in mind when I asked her.

Way to go! This is perfect. I hope it goes just the way you want it to.

So it went really good. Nothing weird. I bought lunch, then she bought Starbucks. We went to a park, and she's coming to visit me next time. We live about an hour apart. Soon to be three hours. Haven't told her yet. Never came up and I didn't want to mention it after one meeting and sound clingy. It's only for 6 months though. If she finds commitment before then, so be it. If on the other hand, the distance gives us time to develop something more, so be it. It would suck to rebuild a year of conversation with someone else though.

That's awesome, congratulations! See where it goes, and take it from there. I've always liked when relationships started as friends first. People treat me like it's odd that I'm friends with people I've dated, but the friendship has always endured and the romantic element is gone.

Out of curiosity, when do people generally approach the subject of being on the spectrum? I was in a relationship when I was diagnosed, so we found out together. I know there's no specific "rule", e.g. the third date is "the talk" date, but I'm thinking anecdotally, when have people brought it up, did it turn out to be too soon, too late, perfect timing, et cetera?

I found out in a relationship. She broke up with me the next day. That B****. I just bring it up naturally. As soon as we start talking, or weeks later. It depends. Better sooner than later so you save yourself possible offense. If someone's going to break up with you because you didn't tell them, you don't need them around. Now lying about it because you think it's too soon to tell the truth when someone asks you, is a different story. If someone asks you are you Autistic, then yes. Tell them then.

people don't general ask their dates if they are autistic. that would seem so odd.

@guitarguy: That is harsh. To be fair to my girlfriend, I gave her an out. The way I saw it in my own logic, dating an autistic guy wasn't "part of the deal", if that makes sense. We didn't know, and if she didn't want to be in a relationship knowing that certain things about me are the way I'm wired, then I talky couldn't blame her. The book Going Over the Edge didn't help either. It was very pessimistic and made "me" out to be a monster. But, she did stay, though sometimes she does use having Asperger's against me if she's really mad at me (usually for something related to Asperger's).