Crush?

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Should you make a move on someone you have a sudden crush on? Or should you wait a bit to let your feelings simmer first?

I've found myself suddenly attracted to a new person on another site I frequent. I've already said hi and such. I'm already starting to feel a bit obsessed and nervous and because of that I'm thinking I should just hold back until I let my emotions simmer down.
On the other hand, it might also be good to make my interest known soon since she is "looking".

Only thing I can think of to do is try and talk to her and find out more about her.

Go for it! =D

There is no problem with revealing your true intentions to another person.

Yep. I've got a golden opportunity with a girl I've had a crush on for quite some time

It definitely never hurts to try. It's a learning experience!

Yes and No. If you simmer a bit, you could develop real feelings for this person, but that could lead to intense fear, too. Just steight up tell her/him I have a crush on you. Then see what he/she does. Give them time to process.

Note: This is from my own experience, don't view this as a direct truth.

I wouldn't recommend a direct approach with an NT.
This might work perfectly with aspies but NT's get a bit freaked out if you don't use subtleness and room for doubts.
How idiotic and inefficient that may seem...

Also, if you tell her you have a crush on her from the start she'll view any action, you do later on, as a result from that crush.
Which will make her ask herself if she likes you or not. If she doesn't, she probably won't want to date you.
If she doesn't know you have a crush on her, she will be more likely to go on a date.

I'd say that aspies generally don't react any more favorably than NTs when confronted with deep feelings from another person that they were not previously aware of, and which they do not return.

The only time it is useful to reveal a crush is when you suspect that feelings are mutual. Even then, it is usually better to take that revelation in small steps, through actions, compliments, attention, etc. The crush itself is illogical and people who have crushes should be able to accept that one doesn't bring illogical feelings to fruition through a defined set of logical steps.

Zara, I recommend you keep increase the amount of interaction you're getting with this girl. If you keep yourself at a distance and let your feelings simmer, you'll end up getting too nervous and/or placing too much importance in the possibility of her liking you back in the same way.

Of course all of this is just my fallible opinion.

Thanks for the advice you all.

I've asked her about some of things she does. We have a few shared interests so I'm going to try and get her going on that and see where it goes.

Yeah, I think whether your an aspie or NT, you have to understand that chemistry isn't something controlled by your conscious mind and all too often directness in and of itself blows that to pieces. Its like people prefer indirectness because when things happen they seem natural, they seem like they're following a logical progression, and its like both sides feel more and more like they're making a smart decision and have found someone who's right for them rather than just jumping on board and being all in about it without really knowing the person, and how well they'd interact (let alone that when someone is too foreward and goes too far over the 50% threshold the other person feels like they're having an obligation thrown at them).

Definitely, but then again I'd recommend against being everywhere she is or seeming to follow her. Talk to her sparingly but make sure your having good conversations. Don't be afraid to disagree with her on certain things either. The whole thing is its quality of quantity and if she's your kind of girl then you guys will grow off of that - if not, so what, in that case its quite often a sign of things that would have been bigger problems down the road even if you had somehow just managed to make the right moves.

Yeah, just communicate and see where it goes. Your obsession is most assuredly not mutual, and revealing yourself will creep her out. If you have enjoyable conversations, just keep theme up.

Online, I believe makes this stage extremely difficult. Try to talk in a real time fashion, im, voice/video chat... just interacting on websites or through emails is not very natural.

If you have a couple of decent conversations it should be fairly clear how much she is into you... and just how compatible you guys are. Then go forward try to spend more time with her and such and such...

If she is looking for someone, you may be in luck. I wouldn't reveal all your feelings, but make it known you like her and would like to start a relationship. Obsessing can't be a positive thing at this point, until you have more one on one conversations. Don't grow obsessed over things you can analyze from a distance, like on a forum. Those strong feelings without direct interaction can freak girls out.

I feel more calm now...
But I think it's more due to me feeling mentally distracted by some other things right now.

Definitely agree with this. I recently made this mistake and boy, do I regret it. Not only did I end up feeling like an idiot (still kinda do but the humiliation is fading), but I probably messed up what could have been a pretty cool friendship.

There are so many things like this we have to learn intellectually that "normal" people seem to just know instinctively. It's very frustrating.

But, imho there is a big advantage over learning this intellectually namely that you'll understand it more then by just knowing it instinctively.
I come to this forum with my problems, people give their opinions and suggestions and explain them. (Most of the time.)
Because of these explanations, you will probably understand it instead of just swallowing it as truth.

When you understand it, you can link it to other things and make general conclusions which, in time, will lead to an instinctive approach to these situations.

That's true, and I do think I have a better understanding about some things I've learned out of necessity through research, observation and analysis. The fact still remains though that I'm almost 34 and still learning about social behavior, which has put me into some painful situations that I wouldn't have gotten into if I'd understood the appropriate behavior needed instinctively.

Of course, I think learning about Asperger's has helped a lot in that I now understand my needs and weak points better. My learning curve has greatly improved because of it and I tend to learn from my mistakes faster.

Well I've given it a few days now...

Nothing. No response to my friendly banter.

So I'm moving on.