struggling with complicated girlfriend situation

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My girlfriend of two years broke up with me about three weeks ago because she said that we were too close and that she needed more space. She said that she doesn't want to share every thought indiscriminately like we have been doing for two years. She went to some bars and hooked up with some people since we've been broken up so now I'm jealous. I've realized that I can't offer her the same kind of love and interaction that she can get from NTs because it's hard for me to form relationships with people without being "honest" or "raw." I'm really in love with her, and I don't feel like I have any choice but to try to make the relationship work. She said that she wanted to start our relationship over on new years at a party in SF, that I can offer her things that NTs can't, and that I'm still the love of her life. Should I train until new years? Should I not invest myself too deeply in a relationship? I know that I would be more pleasant if I were better at filtering the things that I express. I guess I'll work on establishing myself in activities that I can rely on like exercise. Advice?

I'll confess that my initial emotional reaction to your post was something along the lines of "No Jeremiah! Don't do it!" After thinking about it for a while I've concluded that the reason I'm concerned is because it sounds like she's making all the decisions and you're just so smitten you're vulnerable to doing and accepting whatever she says, even at your own expense. You're being pretty general and vague so I could be quite mistaken in my impression, but I'm just not keeping a good "vibe" about this at all. Does she really look out for you and build you up or do you feel more like you're being played with?

Don't be too hasty to get back into the relationship. Remember your gilfriend left u to play around a bit, and if you just take her back real easy like that, she won't respect u & just see u as her stand-by guy who will still cling no matter how bad she treats u.

If u wanna get back together, tell when & how'd you'd like to do it. If u wanna be back together now, then say so, or if you'd like to wait til new years, then have a little fun yourself like she is until then. The key here is that YOU need to start calling the shots here.

To be honest it seems like she wanted some time off to see what she might be missing but she wants to keep you on the back burner in case nothing else develops. I know thats kind of harsh, but with only the information you gave thats my gut reaction.

Danger Will Robinson, Danger!

It doesnt seem like she is concerned about your feelings at all, and I too would be worried about how much respect she will have for you if you just blindly allow her to treat you this way.

You have to stand up for yourself and your needs too, and they obviously arent being met while she is running around with other guys.

And you have to question why she wants to wait a month before starting your relationship up again. What is she planning on doing in the meanwhile? You don't want a legalist for a girlfriend. "Well, technically we weren't seeing each other at that point, so..."

As far as I can see, the only way in which this situation would be okay is if she made a mistake, had an epiphany, and was really, truly sorry. That doesn't sound like that's what's going on here.

If you were truely the love of her life as she said, she would have come running back to you the moment she realized she made a mistake. Since she hasn't come running back and wants to wait, especially being its that holiday/sentimental time of year right now, you are NOT the love of her life. She wants to keep you on the back burner while she goes fishing for a better catch, at least, better in her eyes.

I don't see any other way to interpret her comments and reactions.

I can't imagine being in love let alone having to walk away from it, so you're really in a tough one here. All that matters is that you make each other happy. If you trust that she means it, maybe you can overlook the rest. I would ask what exactly it is that you offer her that others can't, see if she seems thoughtful and sincere about it. Ask her what she wants to go differently in the future and decide if you are willing, and that it is reasonable. Don't let her make ALL the rules. That's no way to live.

She is borderline/bipolar and she stopped taking medication just before the break up. She said that her experiences are valid even if they're different from what's socially normal and medication is oppressive. I'm a bit concerned about her wellbeing at this point. Another thing she said was that she would give up smoking cigarettes when we started our relationship again. I have aspie issues to deal with and she has borderline issues to deal with. It's pretty scary how her mind changed so quickly... I really hope that she will be able to deal with her wild emotions without messing up her life.

She broke up with you saying she needed space and them went and got off with a bunch of strangers, sayingshe wanted to start over later on?

BS.

How would she feel if you said 'yeah, I'm going to dump you for a month, go and screw around with people I've never met, and then we'll meet back here after Christmas, okay? Meeting adjourned.'

What a load of s**t.

Honestly, I think that you're being led around by the dick and the heart and it is not on, not on at all.

I know that you love this woman, but she sounds manipulative and mean-spirited, and like she doesn't understand your condition. It's taken her TWO YEARS to come to this conclusion? Two years?

I think you'd be better off without her. Or at the very least, call some of the shots yourself instead of letting her walk all over you, and your heart.

sarahstilettos, that was such a beautiful and compassionate response. I just wanted to say thank you for showing your outlook on the matter. I learned from it, too.