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newchum
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25 Sep 2005, 5:57 am

When do you think is the right time a person you are in a serious relationship with about your autism and how you should tell it?



CockneyRebel
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25 Sep 2005, 11:05 am

You should tell them, after you've known them for a while. You should also tell them that you're very Intelligent but you do have some Social Issues that you're working on. I don't have any more tips, because I've never been in that situation.



danlo
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25 Sep 2005, 12:38 pm

Why tell them at all? If I were in that situation, I wouldn't bother. Telling someone you have autism, is like telling them you're really shy and listing off your personality traits. Its really not appropriate or necessary information to put into list form. They'll figure it all out as they get to know you. Pointing it out just makes it look like its something that's wrong with you. Its not like its a dirty secret that you should feel you have to point out before engaging in a relationship.
What I would consider necessary information would be things like, if she does things that hurt your senses/overload you, let her know. Or if you have to/like to do things a certain way and she takes issue with it, let her know why. Those sort of things I would consider need-to-point-out in a relationship.



AbominableSnoCone
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25 Sep 2005, 6:00 pm

I obviously don't know a lot about this but...

It depends on how you define serious. If its just dating someone for what you expect to be a few months maybe don't bother. If this looks really long-term, if you think the person really cares about you or you are convinced that explaining the matter to them could save and/or improve the relationship then tell them.

How you tell them I have absolutely no idea.


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Bec
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26 Sep 2005, 1:56 am

If your relationship is serious, I think you should tell right away.



vetivert
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26 Sep 2005, 2:08 am

good question. personally, i'd suggest letting the person get to know you first, as you don't know how they'll react. and most people know so little about AS that they might get all sorts of strange ideas.

on the other hand, i do squirm a bit about the potential issue of "false advertising". but then, that wouldn't be so much of a problem if the person knew you well.

so, definitely if it's getting serious, by which time the person should know you well enough to be able to recognise some of the manifestations anwyay. it's always going to be a risk, though.



baby
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26 Sep 2005, 2:28 pm

ok well this kind of links to my main reason for being on this site, my boyfriend has aspergers and i wanted to know more about it, and i must say the site has been very very helpful in allowing me to understand his little quirks.
as for when he told me about having aspergers i would say it was about half hourish into our second date, after we had established that we both wanted it to go further that casual aqaintance stage.
I would say that if you really are sure that you wish to be with this person, it could be that honesty is the best policy, i would explain what aspergers is because alot of people are unaware, i know i was i didn't have a clue, it was a case of "i have aspergers" me going "eh? what?" and him explaining and showing me a couple of websites and me having an intensive reading program before i knew what the hell he was talking about.

Knowing that he does have social interaction issues makes me feel more special due to the fact he tried his hardest to overcome these to ask me out and ask me to be his girlfriend.

i hope this helps otherwise its just me having a little ramble!!

baby