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iddqd
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21 Mar 2008, 8:50 am

Okay, I had a strange conversation with one of my good female friends... she told me she likes me a while back, but I had to tell her I don't like her back that way, and it will never happen with us. Anyway, I'm just going to c and v it here...

<long discussion about certain members of our group of friends and one specific elitist whore>

Me: I need some Cradle of Filth and a razor blade. xD
Her: You're hot. As hell. For cereal.
Me: No I'm not, but thanks anyway :)
Her: Just accept it :P You are hot
Me: I can't.
Her: What, no one's ever told you that?
Me: No.
Her: They're probably all thinking it then.
Me: Lol, okay, stop, I'm not feeling so depressed now xD
Her: you're hawt. HOT

<some irrelevant garbage>

Me: Well, you just said I'm hot to make me feel better. That was nice.
Her: No, I said you're hot because you are.

8O

Does this mean I'm hot, or is she just saying it? I'm really worried. I thought she was just trying to make me feel better (I was a bit down, but the razor blade thing was a joke xD ), but the then asserted herself and told me once again, I'm hot. Rolf. I am konfoozed.



CockneyRebel
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21 Mar 2008, 10:23 am

I think she's telling you the truth.


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hartzofspace
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21 Mar 2008, 10:50 am

I think I understand how you feel. People keep telling me that I am gorgeous. Since I have no idea what they see when they look at me, it makes me either laugh or feel disoriented. :) And then when I let it go to my head, and try to make some moves on an eligible guy, I get set up and disappointed. So I don't really know what to believe!


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techstepgenr8tion
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21 Mar 2008, 11:00 am

hartzofspace wrote:
I think I understand how you feel. People keep telling me that I am gorgeous. Since I have no idea what they see when they look at me, it makes me either laugh or feel disoriented. :) And then when I let it go to my head, and try to make some moves on an eligible guy, I get set up and disappointed. So I don't really know what to believe!


Exactly. When I did change up schools and start in with a bunch of people I didn't know, I did have the most popular girls there checking me out - not that it ever meant that I ended up with anyone at all even. I think lack of inherent conformity of personality means we have to draw a line between the two (back at the OP as well) and accept the fact that its very easy to be very attractive AND dateless.

Someone in another forum was telling me and some other people about a knock-out friend she had who in addition to being 9.5 blond was extremely intelligent, had definite opinions, but that the later self-knowledge phased people a bit and she was 39, still single. Stories like that really used to bug me but it does seem to be a constant about conformity of personality, nonverbal cues related to sexuality, and how that whole process goes sideways when someone's atypical (probably more the fact that people's ability to read and relate to them goes out the window).



MrSinister
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21 Mar 2008, 11:12 am

Same here.

If I'm so attractive (as people keep telling me), I should, therefore, be fighting them off with a stick. Only I'm not :(


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KingofKaboom
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21 Mar 2008, 11:47 am

Ok see beauty is subjective every thinks different things are attractive that said if you get to know someone and they grow on you no matter how they look you'll think they're gorgeous. I myself have been told that I'm hot, cute, etc, and even when I walk by girls I don't know they often stare at me and sometimes say things like OMG HE"S SOOOO CUTE!! I do like hearing these things but it is important to remember looks don't make relationships thats for our hearts and minds to do. For instance I love my aunt and think she is really pretty but I have people on my step dads family that call her fat and those same people say I'm really cute and I think they're stuck up pricks, so It's all subjective. YOU BELIEVE YOUR BEAUTIFUL thats whats important.


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LePetitPrince
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21 Mar 2008, 3:31 pm

Why you care that much?



techstepgenr8tion
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21 Mar 2008, 3:38 pm

LePetitPrince wrote:
Why you care that much?


I think the way that happens with people is this; there really isn't much self-knowledge and analysis available for people in areas like this in a second hand sense - for one reason, its a competitive plane and good advice is a bit proprietary. When things don't work out for a person, they'll try to grab at any logical explanation - looks are easy since the mirror lies to everyone (mostly in a derogatory sense). It sounds like he's just trying to work through that angle and set himself straight, though I could be wrong.



ford_prefects_kid
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21 Mar 2008, 4:54 pm

It means that she finds you hot.

Keep in mind it's subjective, not essential.

For example, I can be attractive in a porcelain doll, 18th century kind of way. Typical california guys around my age are not attracted to this, and won't notice me. But there are a few people who are very taken by that old fashioned pale, less angular kind of face.

Whether a particular person finds me attractive or not doesn't change how "pretty" I may or may not be.



ToadOfSteel
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21 Mar 2008, 4:58 pm

To be honest, I think she was just being a tease, but that's my opinion on the matter...

When I was in high school, women would say I'm hot (along the lines of what you're saying), despite the fact that my BMI is around 30-35... Nothing ever came out of that, though...



techstepgenr8tion
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21 Mar 2008, 5:47 pm

ford_prefects_kid wrote:
For example, I can be attractive in a porcelain doll, 18th century kind of way. Typical california guys around my age are not attracted to this, and won't notice me. But there are a few people who are very taken by that old fashioned pale, less angular kind of face.


That actually be a blessing, just depends on whether you'd really want to date the guys who that's turning away. I do know that a lot of the NT's who I've known that had that look seemed to offset it by having a real cocky, confident, and even sly social presence (and yeah, ran in the opposite direction socially as well) - not to say I'd go all the way to where they did, some of them were dealing, but there's little tidbits there that I'm sure could help you level it out.

I also had a bit of the same problem as a kid but it was more the fact that I looked in every way that I should have been the stereotypical yuppy guy, I was a lot more alternative and it seemed to set a lot of people off on the notion that I was trying to be something that I wasn't.



JohnHopkins
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21 Mar 2008, 7:26 pm

Take it from someone who gives a lot of compliments - just accept it. Don't deny it. Denying it is almost insulting, you're just batting away the compliment like it doesn't matter, like the person is wrong and you know better. Just say thankyou, and if you feel like it, that you think they're hot as well.



LePetitPrince
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22 Mar 2008, 8:08 am

Ask her : Would you have erotic dreams about me? :P (you can omit the word 'erotic' if you are too shy) in a joking tone.


Just watch her reaction , don't give too much attention to her answer.



merr
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22 Mar 2008, 3:13 pm

she thinks youre hot. she wouldnt keep this up if she ddnt believe it. just dont keep on asking her



pinkbowtiepumps
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22 Mar 2008, 3:24 pm

people wouldn't lie about such a thing - she definitely finds you attractive. it's not a bad thing! Yes, people find different kinds of people attractive, and you just happen to be the type that she finds attractive.

if you don't bring it up then she probably won't bring it up again... try to accept it, if you can