Aspergers and Bipolar People...good match?

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My boyfriend thinks that we are a good match and we're hanging on the weekends and talking on the phone everyday. We also understand each other and like each other a lot so things are good but I do worry about the future for us.

Relationships are hard but if the people are good and work hard it will work (assuming they actually like each other)

I just found out the hard way that being with a bipolar person is a mistake. He decided to just up and quit taking his lithium medication. His moods were all over the map this weekend and I could barely handle it. He decided to just cut back his meds without a doctor's permission and now he's not taking any at all. Maybe it's time to cut my losses and move on...

I actually feel that I may have a slight tendency towards bipolar myself...

or maybe it's just the aspie mood swings...

Being with someone who is flippant about taking their medication, when it is important for them to function normally, is a mistake.

I have run into this "machismo" attitude with guys- they feel like they have more "control" without medication, because NEEDING it is a sign of "weakness."

This makes me so angry. I mean, I can understand. After the end of a relationship where that was a problem, I inherited some of that inferiority-complex over taking regular medication as well. But it's just such a waste of a wonderful thing due to the irrationality of the human ego.

I don't know if this is why your boyfriend decided to stop taking his medication, but you should have a serious talk with him about it. If he has issues about it and isn't willing to commit to a method of keeping his moods stable, he isn't currently in a position to commit to a relationship.

Best of luck. It is so hard to become tied to a person in that position. It's been three years since my relationship like that ended, and it still breaks my heart.

I have been doing a lot of reflecting the last two days and have realized that I deserve more. I cannot be responsible for him taking his meds and paying his bills...he has to do that. I spent a lot of money on him on the weekend because he is broke and won't be paid until Friday, so that tells me a lot too.

He is a nice person but he is very troubled and has had a brutal past. I am a teacher and I need to move forward in this profession and if I stay with him, I will be going in reverse and not being the best teacher that I can be.

Kinda makes you glad that aspies don't have as much as an ego as those off the spectrum... (or at least that's how its been in my experience...)

I dated a bi-polar girl....best and only GF i had

While my gf is not exactly bipo, she has a lot of problems. I will not go into all of them here, because your conclusion seems to be there already, but let's say multiple hospital visits. What I have learned from having a partner with severe psychiatric problems that you'd have to be very very strong and very very committed to make it a succeed. Judging from what I have read both of you are not, so I'm afraid my advice would be to stay out of it.

Sorry for both though

Sorry, as a guy I feel I have to defend myself a little here. Stopping the medicine is not related to being male or female but mostly to the diagnosis someone has. Unfortunately it is most found with the worst disorders (bipo, schizo) someone can have, but probably this has to do with worse side-effects on the meds as well.

I think my roommate is bi-polar or something. He's really up tight and I'm pretty sure he hates me. He used to be nice but now he's always b*tchy. He seems to avoid me whenever possible and doesn't hang out with me and the rest of our roomates like he did at the beginning of the semester.

You misunderstood me. Of course I realize there are multiple reasons people have for deciding to stop medications. What I was saying is that I have had the perspective personally expressed to me, by several male individuals, that admitting to needing medication as an aide in controlling their mental/emotional state somehow makes them less of a man, and therefore of lesser worth as a human being.

My view is that this attitude is silly and self-harming (though understandable), and more men can fall prey to it than women because society places even more shame on men if they seem like they are not self-sufficient or have emotional difficulties.

I suggested this mindset as a possible explanation for the OP's scenario, because it sounded like her significant other was not offering a rational excuse for suddenly stopping his meds.

back on topic, bombergal- it seems like you made the best decision for you.

I am going to seriously rant on this...so if you're easily angered or going to insult me back, I'm not worth your time; don't do it. I was misdiagnosed with mild type 2 bipolar, and I now have AS (not bipolar); therefore I have seen both sides. Here is my first point:

1) Where in the blazing realm of hell do you AS people get off by saying that most bipolar people are mean?! ! What about the insensitive rude comments that you all make?! I have friends that are bipolar, and they tend to be some of the nicest people and smartest ones that I know of. Imagine - an AS person insulting a bipolar...kind of like the pot calling the kettle black, since they both have problem, even though different ones? Geez!!

2) Since a person with AS and a person with bipolar have different problems...hmm...well, shouldn't it be that the person loves the other person because of WHO they are, and not the f***ing problems that they have? (Yes, I used a curse word...go ahead and hang me, but I am extremely angry at this inconsistency). Love is more than handling problems...it is about respect and acceptance. Bipolar or AS has NOTHING to do with their upbringing or morality.
This just gets me so pissed off! I say that if the two truly love each other, then what is wrong with that? Yes, the marriage might be difficult, but if both of them respect and love each other and can learn to understand and accept each other's quirks or "problems", then the marriage can work out well.

Now, I didn't mean to insult anyone, but please...do some thinking and research before you decide to insult anyone else because you think that they have problems or are "mean". I hope all of you sincerely have a good day.

^^

Kinda seems like you just wanted to rant, dude. Did you even read this thread? Who said anything about bipolar people's upbringing or morality?

We are officially done. We kinda sorted out our differences after that roller-coaster weekend.
But this weekend wasn't much better and I can't deal with his illness and how it makes him if he goes off it. It will only be a matter of time until he ends up in the hospital again.

I didn't see anyone saying they were mean, just that they act weird when they're emotional. Let's face it, for lots of us with AS other people's emotions are very difficult to deal with, especially in a relationship that is very much about emotions, and bipo's can be very emotionally needy people.



Should it be? I mean, you are asking the question so think of all the variables. What is so important about that one emotion that it would trump compatibility of personalities and clashing forms of brain chemistry that are likely to result in extreme discomfort from both parties. The AS will feel extremely overcrowded while the BiPo's need for emotional stability causes them to invade personal space and constantly dwell on subjects that make an AS's skin crawl.


Love is a chemical reaction in the brain, just like the junk that makes us AS or BiPo and means less.

As for respect and acceptance; its very difficult for those of us with AS to accept or respect someone who has little to no control over their own emotions. Likewise I'm sure bipos have difficulty accepting that the person they are in a relationship with has difficulty processing the surges of emotional information they are being confronted with.


I have no time to argue morality; its worse than love.



Sure, you can make it work, but it might be better to chose to love someone who is easier to get along with.


Yes you did.



There were no insults. I highly doubt anyone here is insulting anyone but rather just making observations. And what bipolar people people do might not be mean to a normal person, but to many of us it is mean. We are talking about a disorder that causes a person to invade personal boundaries, demand emotional attention, and act out emotionally without obvious provocation. For some of us those can be the meanest things you can do.

I know it's not actually "mean" because it's not intended, but it still makes us feel about the same as if it were intended, and it can be very triggering.

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All of that said, I'm not against it either, and in fact cohabit with my bipolar girlfriend. The drawbacks are there and it can be very stressful and all of the above does, at times, apply.

HOWEVER it can also be rewarding. She claims I help to keep her "grounded" (I think that means I keep her from being illogically emotional in ways that might interfere with her ability to function) and I know that she keeps me in check when my attention to presenting facts and details might lead me to offend someone.

Plus, we find each other attractive and I think that for me the emotional strain of being alone would probably be worse thanot the emotional strain of dealing with all the bipolar stuff that causes me to feel uncomfortable due to my AS.