What would aspies like NTs to know?

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Midnite
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30 Mar 2008, 5:44 pm

I (NT) have known 2 or 3 males (40-60's) who I believe were Aspies but I do not feel they were aware of the condition. NTs are totally unaware of their condition, don't understand them, and don't give them a chance. This has led to a failure (on my part) to get to know them better and possibly date them.

What would aspies like NTs to know (about them) so that hopefully I can still be friends with the current one I know.

In other words, what are the top 5 or 10 things that would help a NT better communicate, understand, and possibly bond as a closer friend with an aspie?



foxman
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30 Mar 2008, 5:58 pm

1. Stop making those banging noises!
2. Please don't touch me.
3. Just say what you mean, because I don't catch subtext very well.
4. Please listen to me when I say that I don't like something. When I say that, it doesn't mean, maybe I'll try it again, or maybe I haven't looked at it the right way...it means that I don't like it, don't want to do it, stop asking me.
5. Please respect my space. This means my personal bubble, but it also means my living space. I have things exactly the way that makes me the most comfortable, and so touching/moving/rearranging is very stressful.



weather1man
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30 Mar 2008, 6:21 pm

1. Give me a chance.

2. Accept my awkward nature, once I feel accepted that goes away for the most part.

3. If your a girl I like feel free to touch me, 8) but if your not then don't touch me when I'm not expecting it.

I can't help though as I'm 18 and not 60. ;)


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foxman
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30 Mar 2008, 6:41 pm

Likewise with the not being 60. 22 and female, so I don't know how much that helps.



Zonder
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30 Mar 2008, 6:48 pm

1. I don't play romantic games - what you see is what you get.

2. I am often naive in relationships.

3. Think of me as having the intellectual development of someone my age or older, but the emotional development of an adolescent.

4. I need people, but often people are overwhelming to my senses and my emotions.

5. If you give me a chance and have understanding, I will be one of the best friends you could have.

Z



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30 Mar 2008, 7:18 pm

1. I'm not going to get "the hint"... please don't get mad at me for not doing so...

2. If I want to be excused from a situation then by all means let me go... I may be able to come back later, but for right now I'm just overwhelmed...

3. As long as you remain loyal to me, I shall do the same to you...



Josher
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30 Mar 2008, 7:53 pm

I agree with foxman and weather1man. here's my own opinion though also:
Listen to me and no not mess with my word in a satireical way or I shall snap and bring out the beast. If you can give me my needs today then I have a surprise for you in the future when my dreams are completed.


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sinsboldly
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30 Mar 2008, 7:59 pm

I agree with you, NTs are unaware of their condition but they know something is going on . Most NTs think we would act differently if we cared enough, or if we wanted to, and that is the most heartbreaking part . . . we really aren't being aloof or disinterested, we just don't feel it like NTs do.

1. Please don't read a list of my 'symptoms' and then think that I haven't learned to adapt in some way to presenting myself as NT.

2. Please don't expect me to put on a show so you can see what stimming is, or to watch me stare, or to "turn off"my adaptive NT behaviour to be more 'authentically' Aspie.

3. If you didn't know until now that I was autistic, please don't start talking down to me ( or slowly) now that you know. You will forget later anyway and talk to me normal again, but I will never forget how I felt about your condescension.

4. if you ask me something, actually give me sometime to think about my answer. I got a lot going on in here and have to weight up my options.

5. If you are interested in me sexually or romantically or intellectually, tell me on what level we are happening on. Tell me of your interest but, again, let me think about it for a bit. If I don't react immediately, it is because I am actually getting myself used to the idea, and not that I am disinterested. If you can't wait until I get it all straightened out in my own head, then I guess you were not that sincere to begin with, or not confident enough in yourself that you had a shot. And you will miss a loyal, trustworthy and passionate friend.


Merle


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Josher
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30 Mar 2008, 8:29 pm

Josher wrote:
I agree with foxman and weather1man. here's my own opinion though also:
Listen to me and no not mess with my word in a satireical way or I shall snap and bring out the beast. If you can give me my needs today then I have a surprise for you in the future when my dreams are completed.

wrong forum, just saw this topic in the side bar and i just commented to the topic not realizing what forum i was on


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30 Mar 2008, 9:58 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
1. I'm not going to get "the hint"... please don't get mad at me for not doing so...


God yes. Seconded* 1000.


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30 Mar 2008, 10:06 pm

1. Please do not use a really loud voice when talking to me in a social setting. I start to panic and seek an early, rapid escape.
2. Please don't expect me to accept an invitation to hang out, spontaneously. I have to take an internal inventory, to see if I am up for it.
3. Please don't touch, without permission! Give me time to know and trust you.
4. Please don't expect me to hang out in noisy, busy environments, unless you want to see my unpleasant side.
5. Please don't say, even jokingly, "You're Weird!" And please, please don't get emotional! I will shut down.


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30 Mar 2008, 10:26 pm

hartzofspace wrote:
1. Please do not use a really loud voice when talking to me in a social setting. I start to panic and seek an early, rapid escape.
2. Please don't expect me to accept an invitation to hang out, spontaneously. I have to take an internal inventory, to see if I am up for it.
3. Please don't touch, without permission! Give me time to know and trust you.
4. Please don't expect me to hang out in noisy, busy environments, unless you want to see my unpleasant side.
5. Please don't say, even jokingly, "You're Weird!" And please, please don't get emotional! I will shut down.


I don't know if some of those things are so universal. I personally don't care if my (hypothetical) woman wanted to touch me (just don't blatantly grope me in public :P ), and if someone says "You're weird" to me, I take it as a compliment, regardless of whether they meant it or not (but then again, I've been exposed to more sarcasm and banter than most people get in a lifetime thanks to the way family gatherings go in my house...)

Personally, I also have a problem with last-minute invitations myself; everything has to be planned out for me at least a week or so in advance. However, that also depends on the person, and there are some aspies out there that can deal with last-minute changes.

The not wanting to go to busy environments is usually seen across the board though, as 99% of aspies I know are easily overwhelmed by something such as, say, a bar or club setting. Some can manage to train themselves to be able to survive out there (mostly to meet new women), but I don't really know any aspies that truly enjoy such busy places...

If you're with an aspie (or someone you suspect is an aspie), the rule of thumb is to talk about things with your partner and know what their individual issues are. It won't be easy going at first, as both of you may have forgotten something that may surface later, but as it all gets worked out, it will become easier...



sinsboldly
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30 Mar 2008, 11:04 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
hartzofspace wrote:
1. Please do not use a really loud voice when talking to me in a social setting. I start to panic and seek an early, rapid escape.
2. Please don't expect me to accept an invitation to hang out, spontaneously. I have to take an internal inventory, to see if I am up for it.
3. Please don't touch, without permission! Give me time to know and trust you.
4. Please don't expect me to hang out in noisy, busy environments, unless you want to see my unpleasant side.
5. Please don't say, even jokingly, "You're Weird!" And please, please don't get emotional! I will shut down.


I don't know if some of those things are so universal. I personally don't care if my (hypothetical) woman wanted to touch me (just don't blatantly grope me in public :P ), and if someone says "You're weird" to me, I take it as a compliment, regardless of whether they meant it or not (but then again, I've been exposed to more sarcasm and banter than most people get in a lifetime thanks to the way family gatherings go in my house...)

Personally, I also have a problem with last-minute invitations myself; everything has to be planned out for me at least a week or so in advance. However, that also depends on the person, and there are some aspies out there that can deal with last-minute changes.

The not wanting to go to busy environments is usually seen across the board though, as 99% of aspies I know are easily overwhelmed by something such as, say, a bar or club setting. Some can manage to train themselves to be able to survive out there (mostly to meet new women), but I don't really know any aspies that truly enjoy such busy places...

If you're with an aspie (or someone you suspect is an aspie), the rule of thumb is to talk about things with your partner and know what their individual issues are. It won't be easy going at first, as both of you may have forgotten something that may surface later, but as it all gets worked out, it will become easier...


someone starts out a list and people respond to the OP and then someone responds to what someone else said and starts picking it apart.

she wasn't posting because it was UNIVERSAL, she was posting because someone asked HER. If you have your own list, by all means share it, but don't pick on just one of the lists and say how it's not what YOU would have listed.

Make your own list, dude.

Merle



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30 Mar 2008, 11:10 pm

I'm not like any of you so stop telling me to change. It's not as easy as just acting "normal."

Also, I appreciate you trying to cheer me up but I'm not sad. It's really annoying.

And also, if you will just give me a chance, I know you'll love me.


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31 Mar 2008, 12:17 am

sinsboldly wrote:
ToadOfSteel wrote:
hartzofspace wrote:
1. Please do not use a really loud voice when talking to me in a social setting. I start to panic and seek an early, rapid escape.
2. Please don't expect me to accept an invitation to hang out, spontaneously. I have to take an internal inventory, to see if I am up for it.
3. Please don't touch, without permission! Give me time to know and trust you.
4. Please don't expect me to hang out in noisy, busy environments, unless you want to see my unpleasant side.
5. Please don't say, even jokingly, "You're Weird!" And please, please don't get emotional! I will shut down.


I don't know if some of those things are so universal. I personally don't care if my (hypothetical) woman wanted to touch me (just don't blatantly grope me in public :P ), and if someone says "You're weird" to me, I take it as a compliment, regardless of whether they meant it or not (but then again, I've been exposed to more sarcasm and banter than most people get in a lifetime thanks to the way family gatherings go in my house...)

Personally, I also have a problem with last-minute invitations myself; everything has to be planned out for me at least a week or so in advance. However, that also depends on the person, and there are some aspies out there that can deal with last-minute changes.

The not wanting to go to busy environments is usually seen across the board though, as 99% of aspies I know are easily overwhelmed by something such as, say, a bar or club setting. Some can manage to train themselves to be able to survive out there (mostly to meet new women), but I don't really know any aspies that truly enjoy such busy places...

If you're with an aspie (or someone you suspect is an aspie), the rule of thumb is to talk about things with your partner and know what their individual issues are. It won't be easy going at first, as both of you may have forgotten something that may surface later, but as it all gets worked out, it will become easier...


someone starts out a list and people respond to the OP and then someone responds to what someone else said and starts picking it apart.

she wasn't posting because it was UNIVERSAL, she was posting because someone asked HER. If you have your own list, by all means share it, but don't pick on just one of the lists and say how it's not what YOU would have listed.

Make your own list, dude.

Merle


And then another someone decides to lampoon the "someone else" because he doesn't like what "someone else" said for some reason...

PS: I already made a list, look through the thread :P (6th post in the thread to be precise...)



hartzofspace
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31 Mar 2008, 12:42 am

ToadOfSteel wrote:
hartzofspace wrote:
1. Please do not use a really loud voice when talking to me in a social setting. I start to panic and seek an early, rapid escape.
2. Please don't expect me to accept an invitation to hang out, spontaneously. I have to take an internal inventory, to see if I am up for it.
3. Please don't touch, without permission! Give me time to know and trust you.
4. Please don't expect me to hang out in noisy, busy environments, unless you want to see my unpleasant side.
5. Please don't say, even jokingly, "You're Weird!" And please, please don't get emotional! I will shut down.


I don't know if some of those things are so universal. I personally don't care if my (hypothetical) woman wanted to touch me (just don't blatantly grope me in public :P ), and if someone says "You're weird" to me, I take it as a compliment, regardless of whether they meant it or not (but then again, I've been exposed to more sarcasm and banter than most people get in a lifetime thanks to the way family gatherings go in my house...)


Not sure what you mean by the universal statement, since you quoted me? The OP asked for 5 to 10 things that we'd like an NT to know. I was speaking for myself. As for being called weird, in my personal experience, it usually was the warning that I was about to get beat up (while in grade school,) or the beginning of the end of a friendship, even though the person saying it pretended to be joking.


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Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.
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