New relationship, old baggage.

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foxman
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07 Apr 2008, 11:07 pm

So, I just started dating someone, a really nice guy. I'm usually attracted to jerks, and I've dated a couple guys who were real jerks to me, emotionally abusive, alcoholic, misogynistic, etc. I'm really trying to make it work with this nice guy, even tho (or because) he's not my normal type.

In any case, my damage is starting to show. He's commented on how passive I am sexually, and he's seen old scars on my ribs. I don't want to talk about it, because I don't want to think about the way in which a**holes from my past might have damaged me. Also, I don't want to lay all my baggage out there in a brand new relationship, I don't want to freak him out. I want some semblance of normalcy. But he's asking questions, and I don't want him to think I'm hiding things.

what should I do?


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poopylungstuffing
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07 Apr 2008, 11:24 pm

's probably a good idea to tell him at least something about what he wants to know about...'twill make the burden a little lighter



hartzofspace
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08 Apr 2008, 1:12 am

Tell him what you said, here! That you don't want to overwhelm him with details from your past, until you get a little more comfortable with him. And, like poopylungstuffing said, maybe just share as much as you're comfortable with, so he won't go imagining things. :wink:


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Bluesummers
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08 Apr 2008, 1:21 am

Don't be discouraged. Little by little, show your "scars." Not to be sexist, but we men like to protect and help the women we love, it gives us purpose.

So, I don't know. Arrange a nice dinner date, open a good bottle of wine, talk a little and "whatever" else. We're more understanding than lead to believe, at least the good ones.


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foxman
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08 Apr 2008, 1:23 am

hartzofspace wrote:
Tell him what you said, here! That you don't want to overwhelm him with details from your past, until you get a little more comfortable with him. And, like poopylungstuffing said, maybe just share as much as you're comfortable with, so he won't go imagining things. :wink:


It's so much easier to talk about things here, since no one actually has to look at me, and I can plan things out and edit as I type. When I talk in person, I shut down emotionally, I stiffen up, and my voice gets too cheerful for the subject matter. really uncomfortable.

Maybe I could practice, with the proper vocal inflections...


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jkrane
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08 Apr 2008, 9:33 pm

Maybe you're not ready for a relationship. What about getting a pet or a hobby?



svend_sved
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09 Apr 2008, 9:12 am

If he's a nice guy, like you are describing, im sure he will understand.
Its not in the nature of nice guys not atleast to try and udnerstand.



juliekitty
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11 Apr 2008, 12:07 pm

foxman wrote:
In any case, my damage is starting to show. He's commented on how passive I am sexually, and he's seen old scars on my ribs. I don't want to talk about it, because I don't want to think about the way in which a**holes from my past might have damaged me. Also, I don't want to lay all my baggage out there in a brand new relationship, I don't want to freak him out. I want some semblance of normalcy. But he's asking questions, and I don't want him to think I'm hiding things.

what should I do?


Say, "I've dated some jerks in the past, but I'd really rather not talk about the details. I'd rather focus on the great time I'm having with you now."



jkrane
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11 Apr 2008, 12:34 pm

juliekitty wrote:
foxman wrote:
In any case, my damage is starting to show. He's commented on how passive I am sexually, and he's seen old scars on my ribs. I don't want to talk about it, because I don't want to think about the way in which a**holes from my past might have damaged me. Also, I don't want to lay all my baggage out there in a brand new relationship, I don't want to freak him out. I want some semblance of normalcy. But he's asking questions, and I don't want him to think I'm hiding things.

what should I do?


Say, "I've dated some jerks in the past, but I'd really rather not talk about the details. I'd rather focus on the great time I'm having with you now."


we have a winner! excellent advice!



foxman
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11 Apr 2008, 1:49 pm

juliekitty wrote:
foxman wrote:
In any case, my damage is starting to show. He's commented on how passive I am sexually, and he's seen old scars on my ribs. I don't want to talk about it, because I don't want to think about the way in which a**holes from my past might have damaged me. Also, I don't want to lay all my baggage out there in a brand new relationship, I don't want to freak him out. I want some semblance of normalcy. But he's asking questions, and I don't want him to think I'm hiding things.

what should I do?


Say, "I've dated some jerks in the past, but I'd really rather not talk about the details. I'd rather focus on the great time I'm having with you now."


I like it^.^ Thank you.


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juliekitty
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11 Apr 2008, 1:54 pm

:)