Advantageous Traits of Aspies in Romantic Relationships?

Page 1 of 3 [ 45 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

Veresae
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Feb 2006
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,023

21 Apr 2008, 7:40 pm

I do agree that honesty can be like alchohol. It is generally a good thing to have, but you gotta be tactful about it. Tell harsh truths in soft ways, I think.

GoatOnFire wrote:
They're easy to cheat on. Just don't get caught. :P


Hah, it works both ways though. An aspie probably won't cheat on you--even if (s)he tries. XD Though, it really would suck even for them to try to cheat on you even if they failed.



Elspeth
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 28
Location: PA, United States, Northern Hemisphere, Planet Earth, Alpha Quadrant

23 Apr 2008, 1:37 am

A direct honesty.
No mind games!



wob182
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 4 Apr 2008
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 172
Location: u.k.

23 Apr 2008, 8:21 am

kip wrote:
My mum once asked my dad what he was thinking during a nice romantic dinner. He responded, pizza. Not, how pretty you are, or, that dress makes you look even more beautiful. Pizza.

Mum says she married him for just that.



that made me laugh i would do that sort of thing lol


_________________
I'm fed up of explaining after every post, I have dyslexia so sometimes my spelling and punctuation is off. I do use spell check doesn't always work...


KimberKenobi
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 19 Apr 2008
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 39
Location: Kentucky

23 Apr 2008, 9:23 am

Mikomi wrote:
HONEST! That is what first attracted me to my husband. It was so refreshing to have a guy say what he meant and mean what he said!


Hanwag wrote:
Honesty is a bit like alcohol. If used in a controlled way it can be very good. But too much can go very wrong. I would be totally honest if I told my girlfriend about any other girl I find attractive, for instance, but I can't imagine her liking that. Loyalty is much better Smile.


The pro, followed by the con... sigh.
I am almost painfully honest... the only upside is that I don't get offended when others are the same (don't give it if you can't take it).

Though, I will state that I'd rather have the painful honesty than all the freakin' confusion...

But being with an NT person is hard because they are thinking of you as being NT and not realizing there's a new playbook and your confusion can be read as a mind game or being dramatic when you're really lost in space... So all the pluses are only pluses if the person realizes that you're different... Sigh. I recently lost someone romantically because of this... I thought maybe having the vocabulary would help... but we'll see. I only told him 2 days ago... he hasn't responded yet.


_________________
"The whole day went not much to your liking... But the sun will still rise, the sun will still rise... You don't have to be perfect, you don't have to play well, you don't have to fix everything all by yourself" --Holocombe Waller


amaren
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 23 Apr 2008
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 187
Location: wallowing in bed

24 Apr 2008, 8:15 am

I prefer total honesty, even about attractions to other people, how bad my clothes look and everything else - I spend so much energy figuring out what people mean (cos it usually isn't what they say) that it's hard to be close to someone who isn't extremely honest. If I'm constantly thinking about possible interpretations and implicatures, I end up worried about their interpretation of my words, and I start mimicking and trying to say what they want me to rather than being honest myself, which only leads to the friendship/relationship being more trouble than it's worth.

I have had one super-honest relationship, and there were a lot of big loud fights, but they all went away very quickly too - I much prefer this to having outward peace, but constantly being on edge.



KimberKenobi
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 19 Apr 2008
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 39
Location: Kentucky

24 Apr 2008, 5:27 pm

amaren wrote:
I prefer total honesty, even about attractions to other people, how bad my clothes look and everything else - I spend so much energy figuring out what people mean (cos it usually isn't what they say) that it's hard to be close to someone who isn't extremely honest. If I'm constantly thinking about possible interpretations and implicatures, I end up worried about their interpretation of my words, and I start mimicking and trying to say what they want me to rather than being honest myself, which only leads to the friendship/relationship being more trouble than it's worth.

I have had one super-honest relationship, and there were a lot of big loud fights, but they all went away very quickly too - I much prefer this to having outward peace, but constantly being on edge.


I wish my ex-guy could understand this... very well stated.


_________________
"The whole day went not much to your liking... But the sun will still rise, the sun will still rise... You don't have to be perfect, you don't have to play well, you don't have to fix everything all by yourself" --Holocombe Waller


sgrannel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Feb 2008
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,919

07 May 2008, 11:25 am

Less likely to cheat. That antisocial tendency that makes it difficult to get through to us also makes it difficult for others as well. Once in a relationship it will be even harder for others to get through. If the tendency to use the wrong spoon at dinner can be ignored, then the rewards to the patient and understanding partner can be great.


_________________
A boy and his dog can go walking
A boy and his dog sometimes talk to each other
A boy and a dog can be happy sitting down in the woods on a log
But a dog knows his boy can go wrong


simplyhere
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 24 Mar 2008
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 62

07 May 2008, 5:07 pm

What I liked about a very good AS man I dated:

-When he took the time to seriously say something loving to me I could tell he really ment it truely with his whole heart and being

-very unassuming

-gentle

-strong Faith

-somehow I always knew how much he cared about me even when he wouldn't show it

What I did not like:

-being ignored/avoided

-when he didn't acknowledgement my feelings when I was hurt especially if it was him that hurt me, and no apology or attempt to make things better



Social_Fantom
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Feb 2008
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,895
Location: Trapped outside of the space time continuum

08 May 2008, 12:29 am

All I have to add is logical but I think that's there already. :?


_________________
So simple, it's complicated


Katidid24
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 8 May 2008
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 8
Location: Warwick,RI

09 May 2008, 12:58 am

See, I don't mind if he's honest with me in ways that I may not like or appreciate, but in a way it's a bit like constructive critisism so it's like he can tell me honestly what our realtionship may need to work on and I tend to speak my mind quite a bit so it works both ways, yes it might piss us off at times but then we each relize well, if we work on these things maybe it will bring us even closer together and so far it has worked. I love that my boyfriend is honest it helps me go on with life knowing that I can constantly improve on things! :D


_________________
"This is Mike Tyson!"-Steve Carrell as Micheal Scott


TheDoctor82
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Feb 2008
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,400
Location: Sandusky, Ohio

09 May 2008, 4:33 am

The ultimate advantage to having AS in terms of romance is actually a blessing in disguise: the simple fact that you WILL turn off so many people. Reason being you're turning off ALL THE WRONG ONES :D

The RIGHT ONE won't be turned off- he/she will be drawn to you regardless.

In fact, after I came to the realization that my co-worker( now my girlfriend for over two months) was interested in me, I kept thinking "ok, this ALWAYS turns 'em off- no way I'm gonna keep her once I do this". I talked a lot about stuff I was into. She stayed. I said really awkward, stupid things. She stayed. She saw my temper. She stayed. I told her how hyper I can be. She stayed.

You name any awkward Aspie thing we all do that turns all the wrong ones off, believe me I pulled it off with her- and she's STILL THERE...cause SHE'S THE RIGHT ONE :D

That's the biggest advantage of AS in terms of romance- HAVING IT!



Cyberman
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Apr 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,736
Location: hibernating

09 May 2008, 9:56 am

TheDoctor82 wrote:
The ultimate advantage to having AS in terms of romance is actually a blessing in disguise: the simple fact that you WILL turn off so many people. Reason being you're turning off ALL THE WRONG ONES :D

The RIGHT ONE won't be turned off- he/she will be drawn to you regardless.


This is most rational, Doctor. But how do you find the "right one" if there even IS a "right one"? What if your AS gives you an obsession (FPS games in my case) which turns off 99.99999999% of the female population?

The idea that there's "someone for everyone" is a superstitious crock of doo-doo.



simplyhere
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 24 Mar 2008
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 62

09 May 2008, 10:27 am

I don't know if that is a good way to judge it since even in unhealthy relationships many women stay.



frankcritic
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 24 Apr 2008
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 167
Location: United States, AR

09 May 2008, 11:45 am

It seems like factors like if it's NT/AS, AS/AS, and what gender is which would play into things.

-Frank



TheDoctor82
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Feb 2008
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,400
Location: Sandusky, Ohio

09 May 2008, 10:50 pm

Cyberman wrote:
TheDoctor82 wrote:
The ultimate advantage to having AS in terms of romance is actually a blessing in disguise: the simple fact that you WILL turn off so many people. Reason being you're turning off ALL THE WRONG ONES :D

The RIGHT ONE won't be turned off- he/she will be drawn to you regardless.


This is most rational, Doctor. But how do you find the "right one" if there even IS a "right one"? What if your AS gives you an obsession (FPS games in my case) which turns off 99.99999999% of the female population?

The idea that there's "someone for everyone" is a superstitious crock of doo-doo.


You just answered your own question- you mentioned the AS giving an obsession that turns off 99.999999999% of the female population. Well, you DIDN'T say 100%- take note of that!



LoveableNerd
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 23 Apr 2008
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 380
Location: USA

10 May 2008, 1:40 am

Cyberman wrote:
The idea that there's "someone for everyone" is a superstitious crock of doo-doo.


Well said, Cyberman. I will write a long post sometime in the near future debunking the whole soul mate myth once and for all.


_________________
Reasonable people adapt themselves to the world. Unreasonable people attempt to adapt the world to themselves. All progress, therefore, depends on unreasonable people.---George Bernard Shaw

8th Cmdmt: Thou Shalt Not Steal.