Taking a one-sided relationship to the next level

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Ok, this is a very long story, so please bear with me. I've never been confident with the opposite sex. My days in school were very traumatic, the girls i had crushes on (throughout the years) all avoided me (except one, who I met years after she left the school), one even used to say things like "I look like a murderer". I used to weigh 125 KG back then, and now weigh 83.5. I've always had acne problems and dark circles. When I graduated school and entered Junior college (the last two years of high school are replaced with junior college in India), I fell in love at first sight with my classmate. I still weighed 125 KG back then. About a month after that, she came up to me and asked for my bottle of water. I found the situation extremely hard to handle, and made an excuse to flee from the scene. She did not talk to me again for another month. The next time we talked, she came up and introduced herself, and so did I, and that's when our friendship kicked off. She became my best friend. Then, the worst happened. My classmate (who'm I hated) bugged me whether I liked her, and I replied in the negative, pointing at a random girl and saying that she's my crush. He went and told her (my best friend) to my horror, and she started doing whatever she could to get me a date with that random girl. To my relief, she was not single. Then things went from bad to worse. My best friend entered a VJ contest in a south Indian music channel, and was posted in Madras. I didn't see her for months, and was preparing to confess my feelings to her. When she returned, she told me that she got a BF, who was her long time friend and her first crush. That pretty much ruined my life. I became a pothead at that stage. Over year went by. She quit her job, broke up with him, and returned. By that time, I completely changed. I lost 1/3rd of my body size, people started saying that I look like a model (something I still find hard to believe), and a lot of girls started to follow me around wherever I go, something that I still find creepy. Now, my problems with my best friend - She's too perfect. Seriously, there's nothing wrong with her. She's smart, beautiful, kind, etc. She happens to be a Brahmin Hindu, and I'm a Muslim. Her family has forbidden her from marrying a non-Hindu (most Brahmins don't marry non-Brahmins, so this is considered very liberal). Sometimes she doesn't speak to me for days, weeks, or even a month. She calls me "Snoopy", and it makes my heart jump whenever she does so. At college, she's always by my side, and gets very close whenever she notices other girls eying me. When college is over, I hardly hear from her. My last exam was on the 19th, since then I met her only twice. The last time I met her, she hardly spoke a few words, and called me by my real name, something she hasn't done in two years. She started behaving like this after I told her that I'll never speak to her if her current diet affects her health (she's on a liquid diet...God knows why she wants to diet...she's not at all overweight), and I regret telling her that. A day before this, I lost a bet against her, and promised to take her out to dinner after she completes her diet, and i won't avoid this.

Now, my one sided relationship is driving me crazy. It's been almost three years. I'm afraid she'll never speak to me again if I tell her that I love her. She elder sister has hinted that she likes me, though I may have interpreted it incorrectly. Should I go ahead and tell her that I love her when I take her out to dinner? I cant bear the pain any longer. Please give me some suggestions, I'm 100% clueless.

I wouldn't bluntly tell her you love her, just hint at how you feel about her. Maybe ask what she thinks of you and then take it to the next level. Not everyone likes relationships rushed on them. Love is a strong word and can be added later once you two have reciprocated your feelings for one and another. I don't think relationships are easy for anyone esp. aspies, but better to have loved and lost than to have not loved at all.

That's the second time I read "better to have loved and lost than to have not loved at all" today (The Notebook, right? must watch it someday). In fact, that's why I wrote this topic.

I have tried hinting before. For example, I casually asked her if she'll join me for a movie. She replied positively, on the condition that her sister comes along >_<. What other ways can you suggest?

Wow, that's a tough one. Also that's just a common thing I hear of what I typed earlier, I've never watched that movie. I think it rings some truth to it.

Maybe you should ask her upfront if it's been a while. She's also probably shy? Then again, I don't know how well you would handle rejection. That is a hard thing to do yet there are more people out there probably willing to have a relationship with you. Ask what she likes to do, it doesn't have to come across as a big date. I don't really know what all you've been through. Sometimes dating can be intimidating for people. Watch a movie at your place or hers. Just take it one day at a time. Other then that, I really don't know what she's thinking or what's really going on.

She's not really shy, I am. I'm too frightened of rejection and it's consequences - she's still my classmate, and most people assume we're dating. If something goes wrong, and she stops talking to me, everyone will be eager to find out what's wrong.

She's a very simple girl. She loves to dance, she loves sweets & spicy south Indian food, she loves pets (only thing we share in common), she loves to watch teeny booper films (I prefer action, war, comedy), she's very spiritual, she loves to crack silly jokes, she loves basketball (she's a former state under-19 champion, prior to getting a ligament injury), and well...she likes a lot of things. We watch movies together a lot, but rarely alone.

I have a testimonial written by her on orkut, here -

It was after a game of basketball when I ran into my classroom for lunch in inter first that i discovered a shy boy in our class having his lunch too...it was only when i asked him for water that we first spoke! the first time that i actually saw him was when he pushed his hair off from his face.He would sit in the last bench and would hardly talk to anyone..and we have been friends ever since. from the shy typically scared to work a conversation with girls to being different[in a good sense] from others..he has come a looooong way! he has lost tremendous amount of weight..while i put it on :p he has become more confident,outgoing...and he s always been smart and intelligent!.he virtually knows everything under the sun,above and even around it!!He even laughs at my jokes which would otherwise fall flat He has also learned to love life and see it with a new meaning altogether. He s a great pal. and is always there to listen to u when you do not want anyone talking but you!u rock..!^_^

I'm sorry nothing came up except slots for an email and password. It sounds like there's also much pressure from peers? I don't know, sometimes these things take time, that would ge awful though if it was regarded as pleasing other people to take the social pressure off. Real reationships just don't work like that and it would be extra hard on you. I think that's all the feedback I can give. There may be other people who will give you better ones. I know rejection can be hard for anyone. Easy said than done when they say move onto the next person. Good luck she sounds like a lovely person.

I assumed that would be the case and directly posted it. As for my classmates, only two have asked me if I'm dating her, and I replied truthfully, to their surprise. Yes, she is a very lovely person, and I'd love to have her in my life as a friend if not at all. Thanks for your feedback. ^^

Wow, just read it, sounds like she likes you. Still don't know if that means she wants to be friends or not.

My cousin said the same thing. Plus her sister hinted that she likes me. Plus she says that I'm the sweetest guy she knows. I do think I have a very strong chance with her. ^^

Hurray for potheads! You should totally go for it dude. She obviously likes you. And don't tell her you have feelings for until after the third date, for now just show your emotions through kind and caring actions.

Not a pothead anymore... she hates drinking/smoking of any kind. Kind and caring actions... that's what I've been doing since we became friends. >_<

If it's one-sided now, it will always be one sided. Don't waste your time taking anything to the next level.

Thanks... that helps a lot.

^I think I agree on that, now that I see the quote.

I interpreted it like that as well. I'm 18, I turn 19 next month.

She's avoiding me btw... not replying to sms's, bluntly telling me she's busy over the phone and hanging up. She's calling me by my first name only (not the pet name), expressing each syllable. I just lost the most beautiful girl in the world.